midnights lurk in my shallows

          
indigo truth haunts    
it finds its place in my heart and there it stays    
reaper of all my tomorrows    
I dream thoughts for the best of me
I get left with the rest of me    
     
the awful bits stand true    
when all else falls away    
it's these days I'm faced with who I am really    
not who I would like to be    
or even who I pretend to be    
     
just the broken, bitter glass      
who shatters when put under stress
seems I can't take the pressure    
my virtues are overshadowed by vice
promises made are replaced by deed    
     
the kaleidoscope of hurt shifts    
a bright life becomes one created of ash and mirrors    
I want to break the mirror's reflection
smash it for showing me what it sees    
     
vapor nothing more...substantial as smoke      
blown apart by the slightest wind    
just a little puff of air...    
sees all my dreams evaporate    
did they ever have a basis in reality at all?  
     
the place I hung my hope on is one of my inventions    
my misery is all too real      
a solid foundation    
where I feel secure    
     
I know I'm on solid ground in my ache    
I know and understand it    
my happiness is all too fleeting      
a figment of my imagination    
     
when everything is said and done    
pain is the great leveler      
I can depend on it to be fair    
     
emotional suicide    
proactive in the demise of my emotions    
I will hang them by the rope I was strung along on    
     
not a victim of happenstance    
or the frailty of another's feelings