Honesty

How do I know –
How can I see –
I fear you’ve left
And left no trace.
Do you still live within me?
Do you still reign upon me?

Can’t break free,
I can’t break free
From my illusions. Oh my ego
Reigns supreme within my being
It floods my bones.
None of me knows –
Where’s the honesty –
Self-honesty –
I thought I had possessed in me?
I thought I had possessed you,
Confessed with you
All the twisting truth,
Straining, crushing all my limbs,
My bones – no ruth
Within this truth
So blatant, flagrant, burning,
Burning through and through
Within me.
I had it in me.
The knowledge I could doubtless trust
Without remorse – my strongest force.
My honesty, my favorite thing –
Perhaps it’s gone because I cling
So tightly to its promise.
Oh how I miss
Revelations, realizations,
So impressive, how profound,
With which myself, in joy, I found
To be a worthless, wholly worthless
Power-hungry powerless fool.
Is then honesty but a tool,
And I can never be the honesty
I crave with all to thrive within me?

Still, I want it, out of fear.
By myself I feel I’ll plummet,
From the edge I stand on – lose myself forever,
Fall so deep asleep I’ll never
Wake to how I was.
I used to be much better
When my honesty was small.
Now – watch this – I only lost it
When I believed I’d gotten it all.

Now, the moral here, I’ll tell you,
Is not to lose right when you have.
For this honesty I miss is just a thing –
And you’re sure to miss the road if you so cling –

This cycle – let it go, don’t be attached, you’ll see it pass.
This state is just a little time you spend along your path.

November 24 – December 1, 2005