My Recovery

My wounds still raw and aching
this body, my heart forsaking
The mirror showing flaws
bringing out it's claws


Tearing away my confidence, scratching the first layer
repeating to myself, everyday, one single prayer
Destroying what was once unbreakable
will repair itself, I'll be unshakable
My painful past will not dictate how I'll emerge
Someday, this path will diverge
It has to get better, even by sheer will
my joy, my happiness this shan't kill
Though, this is easier said than done
silently struggling with the feelings this has spun
A horrendous self loathing this has brought
this internal battle I've tried, I've fought

My recovery
like rediscovery

Takes time to heal, to mend
my heart won't let me pretend
My mind won't let me forget
without leaving, with me, a threat
That I'll lose myself and finally grow cold
so I'm resigned to letting the memories haunt me, I fold
All of them, not just those..pained
remembering the joy and love leaves me drained
Losing the possibility along with a friend
wishing it wasn't, but this may be the end

With it, half my life is being erased
the timing made me look at myself with distaste
To look at yourself with disgust
almost impossible to change, to adjust
Most don't try, they just bury it
but I've always promised I'll never quit
Eventually, I'll get myself back
knowing there's truly nothing I lack
Convincing myself I did nothing wrong
and that I've found where I belong
A life with my own place
that I can heal at my pace
I don't know how long it will take
was in a good place before this heartbreak
Climbed to the top and now I've fallen this far
wracked with pain, this will probably scar
No longer bleeding, just bandaged and worn
for this friendship and where I was, I'll mourn

The nightmares still scare
my subconscious leaving a tear

A shred of evidence to remind that you exist
trying to move on, making it easier to resist
Resist going back to let myself wonder about you
that's why it has to be done, it has to be through
Letting you go will keep me sane
so I don't have to hide from the pain
I'll be able to recover
from a lost, almost, lover

This growth is a must
myself, I wish I could trust
Though I held onto you too hard for too long
relying on you, instead of myself; now I have to be strong
Learning to stand alone
while I atone
For putting you atop a pedestal, a throne
holding you in such high regard, you could have flown
Underestimating myself and what I could defeat
you and what I've overcome couldn't compete


My recovery will be strong and secure
once I get there, this much I can assure
Never invincible but this will not be something you can't break
you'll never have that power; my eyes open, finally, I'm awake