Gerda

I would like to share that I actually entered this poem for a competition in this portal. Thank you for reading.

With some little tweaks & maybe another darker twist I think you've got an excellent write here.
I would phrase it a little differently:

She loves me
she says so
big fat Gerda
with smelly yellow braided hair
She comes in here
to my room
to this basement
and speaks of doom
She speaks of love
she speaks of destiny
she speaks so soft
her voice so tiny
She says today
she will set me free
after keeping me
for nine months
torturing me
for love
pleasuring me
for love
Gerda is at the door
with her chainsaw
roaring
for blood

^Hope something there is of use.
Thanks for the read.
Best ~ Abra

Beautiful Abra...thank you very much. That sounds better. I love it. Thank you again.

......from this unexpected dark yet masterful place with your concepts; your writing.  I'd have to believe that you normally are a polar opposite true to lyfe.  You obviously write from your Dark Id because I would be scared of you otherwise.

Your writing, even the more cheery subjects are always so deeply dynamic and picturesque.  You are always my choice for a "mental" moment and I mean that in the fondest way. : )

Dear MusicallyMrM...how nice of you to say that. I wish I knew how I write; sometimes words just sway me and sweep me away and I come up with such lucid, lurid and sometimes dark imaginings. Thanks for the comments.

Breda smiles.

I smile.

Curtsy.

P' aka S'

p.s- Few changes as pointed out by our fellow poet Abra.

Thank you, mere Pyar, for the comment. Whitewand6, its poets like you and Abra that makes writing worthwhile; you care enough to comment and suggest.
Thank you again.

You are most welcome Grace.:)
And everytime you say Mere Pyar,
I have this big, warm smile on  
my face.  
 
Warmth. Write on.
 
S' aka pyaara

p.s- Sorry to be such a pain-in-the-
neck grammar nazi, but I feel a work
of art such as this should be flawless.
Drop the 'n' from tinny. :)

Pyaara, the tinny is as in tinny. Not tiny. But noted, mere pyar. Thank you so much.

2 truly b free of gerda
u wud hav 2 find a way 2 hurt her
but den u wud b n a prison of self
bcuz revenge wil surely bring death
& wit death u can neva really b free
mayb gerda is jus ur struggle....da human destiny....

Thank You Goodest, for the kind comments. Thats very observant. It could be that Gerda is destiny, set out to destroy an innocent who believed in love, even scraps given out in madness.

this was a witty and clever poem..how to be free of Gerda sigh..idk the answer to that I like the dark twist you added at the end her being at your door with a chainsaw..wonderful..peace Crim :)

That was awful, wasn't it? The chainsaw, I meant. I can almost hear it, dear Crim. Thanks for the comments; as usual you are kind.

wow comes off to me as a little child like girl with a big chain saw a good poem loved it

Dear starstruck13...thank you for the comment. Very kind of you.

daomd thats some deep sweet stuff u got

Thank you dear Pixxel, for that nice comment.

well, where to start.

fkn magnificent plot and ending.

real easy to place the two characters and sense the tension and lust going on,i felt a little  Stockholm syndrome at the start.

great stuff!

shine on!  

Thanks Eamon, for the kind comments.