deepundergroundpoetry.com
Be a Human First
When spoken from the heart the words have meanings
One day the planets said is there anyone there in this Universe
Moon said I believe there is someone on this Earth
The birds said yes there are some creatures thrown out of the Heaven
Angels were surprised at this voice even the beings in the skies didn't know this secret creation
Who are these self centered and disobedient creatures on Earth that are better than us, said the Angels
They are so disrespectful that they don’t even remember their Lord
They are proud of their assets and riches but don’t even know how to speak to each other
The Angels heard a voice saying this is one of the greatest stories..
The sky said that these are the creatures that Our Lord has vouched for..
These are the children of Adam and Eve but have lost their ways said the mountains and the skies
They were taught from their Lord through great Prophets like Ibrahim, Moses, Jesus and Mohammad
But they didn’t learn anything still a child is asking in the skies why was I murdered and they don’t know why? and we don't why?
And the voice said if the Human Beings seek they can find new worlds within this Earth only if they would only seek
Angels said but they are fighting over their own Prophets when they all conveyed the language of Love and Humanity
The mountains said their places of worships are new but the idol worshiping is the same,
They would rather buy useless things than help a fellow being what is this where is their heart and soul
There were days when these same people were salesmen of their faith and love and now are the days they bring Peace through war how can that be….
The Angels said now they sell hatred and bloodshed in the name of Peace what is this we don’t understand how this makes the Human Beings better creatures than all of the wonderful creatures our Lord has ever created..
These people will sell anything for worldly possessions that does not make any sense at all why?
And there was a voice from the skies that said these are the same creatures that held the books of their Lord in their hearts, these are creatures that spread the word of their Lord throughout the world these are creatures that spread Love when People raged wars and were spreading hate and were slaughtering Humans on this Earth, these are the creatures when they have nothing they thank their Lord for they know He is there to look after them
The angels said but most of them don’t even want Heaven, all they want is to make sure they are comfortable on this earth and still they are not Happy and thankful to their Lord.
The only people who Love the Lord are the poor people who pray day and night and believe
How selfish are these people who would only like to take their own people with their beliefs to Heavens and let the others burn in Hell….
Why can’t they understand each other and pray to the Lord for forgiveness of all Human Beings and beat the hated creation of our Lord the Satan
They have spent centuries to divide the nations and ensure that they fight each other till the end of the times
They have spread hate and war on each other in the name of Peace they have killed innocent human beings to prove they are right and powerful all mighty.
Our Lord took 7 days to create this world and these people have created weapons that can destroy this world in a day. Is this what they are created for, just surprises us how does this makes them better than us
They have even created sects in their own religions and believe they are the only ones going to Heavens…what is this selfishness they don’t even know what Heaven offers them
They don’t even have any respect for what has been taught by their Prophets no Prophets preached them to spread hate and destruction in their beautiful Earth
They are Jews, Christians, Muslims, Atheist but are they Human Beings as well
All the Prophets were soldiers of Our Lord they spread the word of Peace, Love and brotherhood and what do these people preach Murder, War, Suppression for Oil and Gold so their nation can prosper and grow and remain the World Power doesn’t matter how many children are being killed and buried alive in the rest of the world. Is this the word of our Lord taught to them by their Prophets?
The voice said you think there are no Human Beings left on this Earth, but you are wrong there are some those Our Lord loves that is why this Earth is still spinning there are those who love all the children in this world. There are only some but still those people who go hungry to make sure they feed their neighbors first. There are still people who want to spread the Love of their Prophets to this world till these people are alive the Lord will give this world a chance.
Well the Angels said these are the Human Beings that make us shameful to look at such a creation
They are everything but Human Beings sorry
Their Prophets stood up for Humanity for the whole Human Race and these people are running after money to become better than the other
They prefer suicide when they asked Our Lord to create them as Human Beings they die because they don’t have the things that others have when their Prophets died for their Lord
They kill for brands and their Prophets killed for Injustice
They are dishonest for a small gain where their Prophets are known for their Honesty
Tell us which ones of their Prophets was a billionaire and owned the world this world is Our Lords do they know that too or they have forgotten that as well
The voice said there will be a time when these people will show whose Prophet is better one day they will all sell love and spread love in this world. This is Satan that shows them destruction and hopelessness in this world.
Every person in this world will strive to be the best Human Being, they will fight poverty together and make this world a better place for every new child that will enter this world
The time is soon to come, dear Angels and then you might understand what this story is all about the time will soon come……
And the voice said this world is nothing this Universe will be given to these Human Beings only if they earn it…….Be a Human Being first….
One day the planets said is there anyone there in this Universe
Moon said I believe there is someone on this Earth
The birds said yes there are some creatures thrown out of the Heaven
Angels were surprised at this voice even the beings in the skies didn't know this secret creation
Who are these self centered and disobedient creatures on Earth that are better than us, said the Angels
They are so disrespectful that they don’t even remember their Lord
They are proud of their assets and riches but don’t even know how to speak to each other
The Angels heard a voice saying this is one of the greatest stories..
The sky said that these are the creatures that Our Lord has vouched for..
These are the children of Adam and Eve but have lost their ways said the mountains and the skies
They were taught from their Lord through great Prophets like Ibrahim, Moses, Jesus and Mohammad
But they didn’t learn anything still a child is asking in the skies why was I murdered and they don’t know why? and we don't why?
And the voice said if the Human Beings seek they can find new worlds within this Earth only if they would only seek
Angels said but they are fighting over their own Prophets when they all conveyed the language of Love and Humanity
The mountains said their places of worships are new but the idol worshiping is the same,
They would rather buy useless things than help a fellow being what is this where is their heart and soul
There were days when these same people were salesmen of their faith and love and now are the days they bring Peace through war how can that be….
The Angels said now they sell hatred and bloodshed in the name of Peace what is this we don’t understand how this makes the Human Beings better creatures than all of the wonderful creatures our Lord has ever created..
These people will sell anything for worldly possessions that does not make any sense at all why?
And there was a voice from the skies that said these are the same creatures that held the books of their Lord in their hearts, these are creatures that spread the word of their Lord throughout the world these are creatures that spread Love when People raged wars and were spreading hate and were slaughtering Humans on this Earth, these are the creatures when they have nothing they thank their Lord for they know He is there to look after them
The angels said but most of them don’t even want Heaven, all they want is to make sure they are comfortable on this earth and still they are not Happy and thankful to their Lord.
The only people who Love the Lord are the poor people who pray day and night and believe
How selfish are these people who would only like to take their own people with their beliefs to Heavens and let the others burn in Hell….
Why can’t they understand each other and pray to the Lord for forgiveness of all Human Beings and beat the hated creation of our Lord the Satan
They have spent centuries to divide the nations and ensure that they fight each other till the end of the times
They have spread hate and war on each other in the name of Peace they have killed innocent human beings to prove they are right and powerful all mighty.
Our Lord took 7 days to create this world and these people have created weapons that can destroy this world in a day. Is this what they are created for, just surprises us how does this makes them better than us
They have even created sects in their own religions and believe they are the only ones going to Heavens…what is this selfishness they don’t even know what Heaven offers them
They don’t even have any respect for what has been taught by their Prophets no Prophets preached them to spread hate and destruction in their beautiful Earth
They are Jews, Christians, Muslims, Atheist but are they Human Beings as well
All the Prophets were soldiers of Our Lord they spread the word of Peace, Love and brotherhood and what do these people preach Murder, War, Suppression for Oil and Gold so their nation can prosper and grow and remain the World Power doesn’t matter how many children are being killed and buried alive in the rest of the world. Is this the word of our Lord taught to them by their Prophets?
The voice said you think there are no Human Beings left on this Earth, but you are wrong there are some those Our Lord loves that is why this Earth is still spinning there are those who love all the children in this world. There are only some but still those people who go hungry to make sure they feed their neighbors first. There are still people who want to spread the Love of their Prophets to this world till these people are alive the Lord will give this world a chance.
Well the Angels said these are the Human Beings that make us shameful to look at such a creation
They are everything but Human Beings sorry
Their Prophets stood up for Humanity for the whole Human Race and these people are running after money to become better than the other
They prefer suicide when they asked Our Lord to create them as Human Beings they die because they don’t have the things that others have when their Prophets died for their Lord
They kill for brands and their Prophets killed for Injustice
They are dishonest for a small gain where their Prophets are known for their Honesty
Tell us which ones of their Prophets was a billionaire and owned the world this world is Our Lords do they know that too or they have forgotten that as well
The voice said there will be a time when these people will show whose Prophet is better one day they will all sell love and spread love in this world. This is Satan that shows them destruction and hopelessness in this world.
Every person in this world will strive to be the best Human Being, they will fight poverty together and make this world a better place for every new child that will enter this world
The time is soon to come, dear Angels and then you might understand what this story is all about the time will soon come……
And the voice said this world is nothing this Universe will be given to these Human Beings only if they earn it…….Be a Human Being first….
Published 2nd Sep 2018
Author's Note
I just wrote the words but I know they don't rhyme can someone help
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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8th Sep 2018 5:51am
Your work doesn't need to rhyme to make it a poem, however this seems more like a story poem category write rather then just a spiritual one. I did find it a bit difficult to read without having spacing between paragraphs. DU has a group called "Honestly Crafted Critique" that can help if you need help making it more structured.
I'm sure this is a very nice try, well done for making the effort. It obviously needs a great deal of work- but that work can be done. Let's look at a few of the approaches that could be taken...
Many readers find it annoying to have a fist shaken in their face, many dislike a finger wagged in their face. Many find it arrogant that a writer presumes to know a lot of things or know best. They find it irritating to hear "it's like this, it's like that, you must do this, everybody should do that".
They feel justified in replying " who the hell are YOU to tell us how to behave?". And they have a point. If they need advice and spiritual guidance they can go to mahatma ghandi, rumi, tagore, the pope etc etc. These kind of guys are SERIOUS competition.
My humble pennysworth incidentally is this: The poem in question here I believe is way too long- edit it ruthlessly, about half the length would concentrate its energy. It is thrown down like a burst rubbish bag, not making an attractive vision. This is easily remedied by formatting the piece with numerous paragraphs and line breaks. If there are spoken words they could be within inverted commas, perhaps on an indented line and maybe in italics- it all just adds to the presentation.
The first few lines have a somewhat poetic feel and some originality. This STYLE must be continued further into the piece. At present it soon descends into trite and predictable tract-writing. A few fancy words lifted from the subject matter can't disguise the limited vocabulary and boring voice. Some muscular phrasing or delicate hints of a heavenly aria would help fix this.
Many readers find it annoying to have a fist shaken in their face, many dislike a finger wagged in their face. Many find it arrogant that a writer presumes to know a lot of things or know best. They find it irritating to hear "it's like this, it's like that, you must do this, everybody should do that".
They feel justified in replying " who the hell are YOU to tell us how to behave?". And they have a point. If they need advice and spiritual guidance they can go to mahatma ghandi, rumi, tagore, the pope etc etc. These kind of guys are SERIOUS competition.
My humble pennysworth incidentally is this: The poem in question here I believe is way too long- edit it ruthlessly, about half the length would concentrate its energy. It is thrown down like a burst rubbish bag, not making an attractive vision. This is easily remedied by formatting the piece with numerous paragraphs and line breaks. If there are spoken words they could be within inverted commas, perhaps on an indented line and maybe in italics- it all just adds to the presentation.
The first few lines have a somewhat poetic feel and some originality. This STYLE must be continued further into the piece. At present it soon descends into trite and predictable tract-writing. A few fancy words lifted from the subject matter can't disguise the limited vocabulary and boring voice. Some muscular phrasing or delicate hints of a heavenly aria would help fix this.
