Sometimes

Sometimes I feel its hardly worth it
To try to change for this big world,
And all its lovely expectations....
I feel sick and beautiful,
Jonsing for one more dose,
One more chance to nod off from here,
And go somewhere else-
Where the music is seemingly endless,
And everyone knows my name...
But I know I'll always have to sleep and dream,
Then wake up to the same old shit,
Asking questions I dread I already know the answers to.
And I can live with that.
But sometimes,
I wish you cared enough to see me,
For what I really am-
A lonely person with a high sex-drive
And an addictive personality,
Who seeks out the readily available but hardly obtainable.
I just want to close my eyes,
And not think of you,
Or the things you said,
But of warm waves of ecstasy
Coursing freedom through my body,
Releasing my mind and the day's rank after taste,
Smiling the whole time ,
Because I'm fucked up,
And not fucking up.
Peaceful and beautiful,
With my never ending beat to move to,
But I want you to know,
You're always there,
Even on the days when I dare not breathe your name....
In fear you may be close enough
To catch my drift.