The Thunder in my Tears

 
The Thunder in My Tears

This morning I cried,
Last night I cried...
Yesterday afternoon and evening...
I cried!
Although I said there’s nothing wrong...
I lied...
Attempting to get over it...
I tried!

Pouring out tear after tear
Clutching my chest,
A heart full of fears
Breaking while dissipating
Slowly wasting...  in this
Organic funk...

Scattered across the floor
One by one...
Journal after another,
Page after page
The same monotonous
Coding of my melancholy spilled out in black ink...

It is into myself
I sink,
Mind blank...
Can’t think
Just concentrated on the hues
Looking for the right color to paint my blues

Down in the dumps,
Feeling a bit recycled
Once again, used
... And now, a bit confused
‘Cause not one of you/ not any of you...
Have taken a step inside my shoes...

...But now you choose to talk,
Suggestive judgments as you take score,
Yet, why are you still talking...
If you will not listen as you continue to ignore?

This morning I cried,
Last night I cried...
Yesterday afternoon and evening...
I cried!
Although I said there wasn’t anything wrong...
I lied...
Attempting to get over it...
I tried!

I’ve seen weathered days
And I’m recognizing the insecurity revealed in my ways,
This mask I wear... it’s not for display
Perhaps a way to masquerade,
Its intent is to hide the words...
and yet to numb their say
...Although to convey my heart but yet...  not portray
The visuals... of this pain...

I had fallen...
Fallen into a zone of the forbidden,
Where there is thunder in my tears...
And no I’m not kidding

I dodge before the lightning strikes
I can feel the rumbling inside my brain,
Blatantly I am a murderer of myself,
For many times I have been slain

My weeping reverberates,
There is a chill within my song
I belt the lyrics of my pain
And to the too excruciating...
I hum along

Why is it that...
In this world of righteousness,
I feel that I am always wrong...
& upon this earth where life is,
I feel I just do not belong

So here it is once again,
That it’s right here that I’m all alone...

This morning I cried,
Last night I cried...
Yesterday afternoon and evening...
I cried!
Though I said nothing was wrong...
I lied...
Attempting to get over it...
I tried!

The thunder in my tears
Is filled with all that I am feeling
Just existing in this world,
Where in this life, I should be living
Don’t know how to take
So I am giving... giving... giving
Giving enough until I break
It’s then in my mind,
That I am reliving, reliving, reliving...
All the pain and the torment

I long to let it go...
My misery,
It does not want any company,
So I learn to let you go
I let go
I let go...
I let... go
You never understood my process
So you never turned away
I did a reversal
Returning to you
Then you asked me to meet you half way

I trembled when I cried
I heard the roar when I wept
My body shook violently
As you held me as I slept
The thunder in my tears
The most vicious release
Carried on within my dreams
Not one moment bit of peace

As the sky fell,
And the sun began to rise,
The cycling begins again,
As...
This morning...
I cried!

© August 15, 2013