PUSHING

How come...
The second i feel good
And all is said and done
I push away

I get scared
Doubtful
It makes no sense
So i push away

Confused
Without a single clue
Bringing tears to my eyes
Yeah.... i push away

Tired of pushing away
Wanting to understand
Crying for help
Not wanting to fall into the wrong hands

I'm sad
Why am i sad?
I should be ecstatic right?
But i'm just.....thinking

Thinking of the good times
But beating myself up while alone I feel as if i hate myself
For ever going down that road

It's nothing but pain and hurt
Darkness flooding my mind
I feel like i'm drowning more than i have before
Emotions sickening me
I don't think i can take it no more

I'm scared of things never working out
I'm just scared
I worry about this madness running through my mind
I just wish for once that, i knew what all of this was about

Damn i'm such an idiot
HA look i just did it again
Putting myself down
Not finding any reason within

Save me.... i'm tired of pushing away