The Cellar

oh this is good,
so very,wickedly good...
... i adore chloroform ^.^
& its addition here really adds to
the raw, cnc feel of this piece
*
as you've asked for honest critique:
~ l2 i would consider a comma between "air" & "stripping"
   if you're opposed to punctuation & its aesthetic impact on your
   structure, mayhap a "stripping sensibilities" could stand alone
   as l3
~ your current l3, personally, i'd add an "s" to encircle
~ l6 the use of plumb bugs me a bit. i'd suggest substituting it for
   "plump"
mind you, this is just my opinion & you're welcome to disregard the abovesaid... shan't be the least bit offended :)
*
this is a very visceral piece.
much enjoyed

My dear Shadoe  
You gave me exactly what I wanted,  with the addition of your words of praise.  I amended this piece as suggested ... a marked improvement  

Thank you for your comments
~Wicked

I'm so glad it was received as intended :) sometimes suggestions don't go down too well... poets & egos & stuff ltm. really can't praise the energy of this piece enough... it's rare to read the edgier side of s&m... rarer still when it's well executed

I'm honored and so very pleased that this piece resonated.  
In terms of "poets & egos, I have neither the time nor the energy for such things. What I appreciate and respect is brutal honesty ... " brutal' being the operative word ."One very near and dear to my heart ;)  
As for the 'edgier side of s&m ... it's sadly misunderstood, and therefore misjudged ...  I pity those who assume the worst of us ... it's their loss, as they will never know the freedom we find in pain.  
 
I look forward to your future visits  
` Wicked

Nor can I express how happy I was to read your comment. My response to your sweet comment ...  "some girls need men like you here "I will tell you ...careful what you wish for, you may just get it ;)

With much appreciation
~Wicked

Very intense piecw2..well done.

Thank you kindly Jade ... I love  when you visit

~Wicked

dearest Wicked One
you bring out the darkly erotic side of me..

delicious lines..

"As he licks    
the salty    
venom    
of her resolve"

so commanding is your voice
& your control over her complete..

this poem made me creamy
as it arouses my fantasies..

I tingled at these lines..

"Clovers biting    
nipples plump and throbbing    
   
A gloved hand crashes down    
across swollen lips"

you know even as a child
I fantasized about just this type of scenario..

sexily, thrilling write..

love Crim      

 

" you bring out the darkly erotic side of me.." Music to my ears ... I believe my work here is done :)

Lovely poetess, judging by your poetry , as well as your comments, I doubt your " darkly erotic side needs much coaxing ;)