deepundergroundpoetry.com
Questioning
Why me?
I stumbled upon you through simple curiosity
In a field I was a child
There you stood, a monstrous ant pile
Unsuspecting, I got bitten
Pain behind every word I've written
Your poison got under my skin
And ever since, that's where its been
It stayed and sank into my fragile veins
What's worse;
A weeks bruise or a year's pain?
I stumbled upon you through simple curiosity
In a field I was a child
There you stood, a monstrous ant pile
Unsuspecting, I got bitten
Pain behind every word I've written
Your poison got under my skin
And ever since, that's where its been
It stayed and sank into my fragile veins
What's worse;
A weeks bruise or a year's pain?
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 10
reads 507
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
Re. Questioning
11th Dec 2017 1:32am
I approve. I like how you placed a question at the beginning and end, fitting it with the title. The emotion and imagery is beautiful. Good job, keep it up.
0
Re: Re. Questioning
11th Dec 2017 6:31am
Re. Questioning
11th Dec 2017 5:14pm
Re: Re. Questioning
11th Dec 2017 8:41pm
Re. Questioning
I could feel your deep pain here
as his poison sank in
& hurt you with a lasting sting..
deeply evocative write..
love Crim
as his poison sank in
& hurt you with a lasting sting..
deeply evocative write..
love Crim
0
Re: Re. Questioning
12th Dec 2017 4:01am
Re. Questioning
13th Dec 2017 6:39am
Excellent piece! Like the metaphor and the feelings/thoughts provoked. Thank you
0
Re: Re. Questioning
13th Dec 2017 6:45am
Re. Questioning
6th Jan 2018 4:15am
I like the innocence portrayed and how you gave a subtle clue at how naive we allow ourselves to be in moments of curiosity and passion... I thought you had a paint brush.. Magic with a pen
0
Re: Re. Questioning
11th Jan 2018 4:54am
Wow, thank you for the wonderful words. I'm so happy you get what I was trying to say.