deepundergroundpoetry.com
Ghosting
She retreats with measured step
My shadow following in her wake
Her image wavers, growing faint
Lingering long enough to bid farewell
She smiles as she turns away
But the luster in her eyes is lost
Efforts made to coax her to return
Are all in vain, and slowly spurned
She stays on the edges of this retreat
One glimpse of our former life
One last smile before the dawn
A brush of her lips, and then she's gone.
My shadow following in her wake
Her image wavers, growing faint
Lingering long enough to bid farewell
She smiles as she turns away
But the luster in her eyes is lost
Efforts made to coax her to return
Are all in vain, and slowly spurned
She stays on the edges of this retreat
One glimpse of our former life
One last smile before the dawn
A brush of her lips, and then she's gone.
Published 4th Dec 2017
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likes 9
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comments 13
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The author encourages honest critique.
4th Dec 2017 11:12pm
6th Dec 2017 7:20pm
5th Dec 2017 2:31am
Ahhh when the magic disappears the lustre begins to fade leaving just traces of what once was.. Great stuff man. Cool to read your works again.
6th Dec 2017 7:22pm
Very well said Scot, Thank you. I'm looking forward to reading yours again too. It's been awhile. ..
Anonymous
5th Dec 2017 3:04am
My Lovely Sir Crow...such sadness in these words...what I would call achingly beautiful...and coming from you, it brings me a pouty lip...I'm giving you hugs my dear friend and if they're not "needed" I'm giving them anyway because it has been a while since I have...life has gotten in the way but we're getting on track, I think :) I love you! With much love - Taryn xoxo
6th Dec 2017 7:26pm
Thanks Taryn. I was feeling pretty blue when I wrote this. I've been out of touch a lot but I love you kind Lady
5th Dec 2017 8:11am
6th Dec 2017 7:27pm
5th Dec 2017 2:01pm
5th Dec 2017 10:41pm
6th Dec 2017 7:29pm
Thanks Grace. Fading away is sadder than a clean departure. There's always some lingering traces it seems.
it's always a pleasure reading what you write, always a nice surprise.
line 8 seems to throw the flow off a little bit (somewhere around the "coax her to re-"). i think because the word stress clashes, but am not sure.
line 12 is my favorite; uneasy and abrupt. makes sense for it to punctuate the end, too.
line 8 seems to throw the flow off a little bit (somewhere around the "coax her to re-"). i think because the word stress clashes, but am not sure.
line 12 is my favorite; uneasy and abrupt. makes sense for it to punctuate the end, too.
6th Dec 2017 7:30pm
