deepundergroundpoetry.com
Even A Sparrow
Mortality balconies
presents their edges
beckoning me eerily
to fling my sparrow
shape
away
I'm such a fed-up
fucked up
fledgling
snared in cold sweats
drenching my neglected nest
And Father said...
Yes
Father said...
But I'm stricken
& sickened
by thoughts
of You sifting through
this thickness of hair on my head
Dim Your floodlight
eyes
please
Cause I've not tasted sweet opportunities
to wallow
or swallow my bitter spit in peace
& I know
reality is...
two of me might sell
for a penny
(if I'm lucky)
& I ponder
if hollow bones
snap
when colliding with
ground
presents their edges
beckoning me eerily
to fling my sparrow
shape
away
I'm such a fed-up
fucked up
fledgling
snared in cold sweats
drenching my neglected nest
And Father said...
Yes
Father said...
But I'm stricken
& sickened
by thoughts
of You sifting through
this thickness of hair on my head
Dim Your floodlight
eyes
please
Cause I've not tasted sweet opportunities
to wallow
or swallow my bitter spit in peace
& I know
reality is...
two of me might sell
for a penny
(if I'm lucky)
& I ponder
if hollow bones
snap
when colliding with
ground
Published 25th Nov 2017
| Edited 26th Nov 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 16
reads 719
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
25th Nov 2017 8:41pm
Shedding skin to become something new
we wear our faults on our shoulders
" I've not tasted sweet opportunities
to wallow
or swallow my bitter spit in peace"- very awesome line screams let me fly.
will this body resound...i'd like to think so.
anything with birds always captures my attention.
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/279891-this-sparrow-they-no-longer-fly/
we wear our faults on our shoulders
" I've not tasted sweet opportunities
to wallow
or swallow my bitter spit in peace"- very awesome line screams let me fly.
will this body resound...i'd like to think so.
anything with birds always captures my attention.
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/279891-this-sparrow-they-no-longer-fly/
25th Nov 2017 9:22pm
Yes, great subjects for allegory. Love your piece, thank you for sharing :)
Anonymous
- Edited 13th Sep 2022 5:45pm
25th Nov 2017 10:16pm
<< post removed >>
25th Nov 2017 11:06pm
26th Nov 2017 00:06am
Superb....top notch.....my fav "discovery" on DUP in long time. Bless ye. I wish I could 'know you' other than virtually>>>>>>>>>>>>(Ha, yeah, right)
26th Nov 2017 00:31am
Excellent piece, AtoMikOne. Not sure about that last line, however. Seems a bit of an anticlimax.
26th Nov 2017 00:35am
Ahhh yes, thank you for saying as much. I sort of feel that way too. At this point I don't know what to do about it, I might flip around the phrasing a little bit. However, the content seems lacking in and of itself.
26th Nov 2017 00:37am
I disagree with that. The verse in and of itself is solid. It's just that final line. . .
26th Nov 2017 00:42am
Oh yeah! I gotcha. It was awkward including it just for rhyme's sake. I chopped it, and I'm not sure what to end it on, but I'm gonna leave it for now and hopefully something comes to mind. Don't worry about it, you nailed it with critique :) It wasn't very inspired.
26th Nov 2017 00:43am
26th Nov 2017 00:45am
26th Nov 2017 00:51am
26th Nov 2017 5:25am
I'm very new here and this happened to be one of the first poems that I stumbled on. and wow am I so digging this. I loved your diction, overall flow, imagery, and well everything really. Your stanzas crack like whips and every word felt soundly appropriately delivered. No fat on this one at all! Very impressed, instant fan, keep writing, cheers!
26th Nov 2017 6:20am
Dude!! Welcome, welcome to the wild, weird and wonderful DUP! Thank you so much for the specific feedback. I look forward to your additions :)
29th Nov 2017 9:07pm
hard one to read, kinda think it would have been a hard one to write - still an awesome - i particularly enjoyed
"I'm such a fed-up
fucked up
fledgling
snared in cold sweats
drenching my neglected nest" - - - wonderful :-)))))))))
"I'm such a fed-up
fucked up
fledgling
snared in cold sweats
drenching my neglected nest" - - - wonderful :-)))))))))
29th Nov 2017 10:10pm
