Why Am I Like This?

I remember when I was always happy and overly upbeat.
That was long before I bowed down and declared defeat.
Why was I the one that got hurt the most?
I thought I was strong, but I finally broke.

I let everyone tell me the way I acted was wrong and weird.
Now I know it was something they envied and also feared.
I know all of this because I envy and fear it as well.
I’d give anything to go back and feel the way I once felt.

I’d love to be that happy again and have no fears in the whole world.
What I would do to have these diagnoses in my head finally cured.
Why was I the one that got hurt the most?
I thought I was strong, but I finally broke.

I made it all these years and now I’m this fragile, broken, thing.
Who would have thought that I was the one who was easy to beat?
After all I’ve been through a mental disorder conquers all.
I guess this can go on the list with the rest of my downfalls.