deepundergroundpoetry.com
what's left to be said
I need a stiff drink
& don't have one tonight
see I'm an alcoholic
it never lasts
I drink until it's gone
it hasn't been taking me
to that special place
where I can forget
the broken pieces that make up me
I'm bipolar
have to take meds round the clock
the ones that make me not feel
killer of creativity
have you seen me sink?
into the murky waters
where the demon sharks bite
I don't hate myself
just fail to have the proper respect
it takes to truly love me
I fail at real life relationships
online ones are easy
you can just close a screen
& it's done for the day
but is it really?
I take you all into my dreams
think of poems that will reach you
with my soul
my story
so much of me laid out
I wonder what's left to be said
with lust of a younger man
I entertain
though I wonder do you know
how bad I wish
I was the beauty
he deserves?
I know there is beauty from within
though I'm not so sure about that either
when I die
it will be said she never shut up
funny thing is in real life
I never said a damned thing
Copyright © 2017 Crimsin. All Rights Reserved
Published 13th May 2017
| Edited 14th May 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 16
reading list entries 1
comments 39
reads 837
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The author encourages honest critique.
13th May 2017 7:06am
We hide behind our screens, our words,
and when we've had enough, just shut it down.
But the realness remains when you stain blank pages.
You know it's funny, I don't talk much either, but this I heard.
Way to lay it out, talented one...
and when we've had enough, just shut it down.
But the realness remains when you stain blank pages.
You know it's funny, I don't talk much either, but this I heard.
Way to lay it out, talented one...
13th May 2017 7:24am
thank you lovely Kasai for smiling on my pages tonight, yes the beautiful part of me I keep hidden here on the ever forgiving page though sometimes it talks back to me with a mean confrontation of who I truly am.. deeply appreciate you lady.. love Crim
13th May 2017 7:36am
I have someone in my life that is bipolar. It's hard to be there for someone who is bipolar, and it's even worse to have bipolar. People seem to have a twisted view on mental disorders which doesn't help ether.
I also know how it feels to just want to kill the pain somehow. It's a hard life when each day is a challenge. My heart goes out to you. I hope your friendships can somehow ease the pain.
I also know how it feels to just want to kill the pain somehow. It's a hard life when each day is a challenge. My heart goes out to you. I hope your friendships can somehow ease the pain.
thank you dearest poet it is a tough gig loving someone with bipolar, being somewhat unreachable for the most part, yes everyday is a struggle I drink to numb the pain, mental illness hurts, thankfully I can write about it and with a friend like you and others it's the realest I've ever been with anyone, I deeply appreciate all of you.. love Crim
Anonymous
13th May 2017 9:37am
you are so beautiful, Crim
all beauty is subjective, and you will live eternal
in my heart.-
your words always touch me,
xoxo
all beauty is subjective, and you will live eternal
in my heart.-
your words always touch me,
xoxo
13th May 2017 11:52am
13th May 2017 11:01am
cathartic self observation sistah crimsin. the stanza4 last line is making me fidgety, something feeel outta place there, may be my left side dyslexic brain cant' get it.
drink to get high
med to stay low
ya are what ya are
fuck the 'but-they-say so'
drink to get high
med to stay low
ya are what ya are
fuck the 'but-they-say so'
13th May 2017 11:54am
thank you for the keen editing eye yeah there was a mistake alright.. yeah you got to do what is you do.. deeply appreciate your thoughts.. love Crim
13th May 2017 12:18pm
my OCD is not my pal tellin ya. she's a bitch. i coulda messaged ya, now i think. some cool chick you crim
13th May 2017 12:21pm
giggles I'm grateful you pointed it out to me I hate when I make a mistake and it's like fifty reads in before I noticed it you're pretty cool yourself thank you :) love Crim
13th May 2017 12:52pm
it's a big murky river so many of us swim in, Crim,
& listen for the poems we speak & know
that what we hear is worth hearing...
& listen for the poems we speak & know
that what we hear is worth hearing...
13th May 2017 12:59pm
thank you John I will be quietly listening.. deeply appreciate your thoughts.. love Crim
13th May 2017 1:07pm
Wow Brenda this poem has so much passion
It saddens my heart to know you feel this way.
One thing can change everything.
Maybe something g drastic maybe something simple, when you've had enough, you'll make that change...
Loves you Sis ❤️❤️❤️💕👭
Jackie xoxo
It saddens my heart to know you feel this way.
One thing can change everything.
Maybe something g drastic maybe something simple, when you've had enough, you'll make that change...
Loves you Sis ❤️❤️❤️💕👭
Jackie xoxo
13th May 2017 1:15pm
thank you Jackie just writing on a bad night.. yes even small changes make a difference i'm working on that ;) I deeply appreciate the love you've shown me.. love you sis :) xo Brenda
13th May 2017 1:32pm
Meds suck, but bipolar is difficult to live without... I know what it does to your creativity (started meds in february, but couldn't even write a proper message, let alone a poem) but I think you're still as creative as ever!
For what it's worth... I think you're beautiful <3
Love, Duende
For what it's worth... I think you're beautiful <3
Love, Duende
13th May 2017 1:41pm
thank you beautiful Duende yeah i've maxed out on all of my doses & still my body manages to override them.. see without them I'm over the moon manic to the point I will go days without sleep or food.. so I manage on my manic high days to still create.. I know your meds haven't killed your creativity you are a stunningly beautiful poetess.. I deeply appreciate you seeing the beauty in me.. love Crim
14th May 2017 8:32am
Then you have a strong body and mind, dear Crim! I become almost numb on half a dose... to clarify: I quit the meds after three weeks, I couldn't make sentences from words and even with talking I became dysfunctional (I can handle side effects, but not this one) I'm not bipolar (thank god) but my mood swings are pretty severe... I know what it feels like to be happy and hopeful one day and hit rock bottom the other. It's probably nothing compared to what you have to deal with, so I really hope you find (found) some kind of stability with the meds! Much love, Duende
14th May 2017 11:00am
thank you lovely Duende I have found a place I can bare it.. see not only would I not sleep for days or eat,, I also couldn't even sit I would pace all day and night like a caged lion.. then from lack of sleep I would see and hear things that weren't there.. it was kind of like being on drugs except with my brain chemistry being off it would happen to me naturally.. I am happy you have found a good place without the meds.. love Crim
14th May 2017 11:24am
I'm so happy to hear you found a place where you can bare it! Those manic episodes must be horrible... I know someone who went into psychosis when it went on too long. In all honesty... I'm not in a good place, I just don't write about it anymore (for some people it's a release, for me it's too confronting) I'm considering giving something else a chance, because I'm unstable as fuck! I appreciate you so much, dear Crim! Love, Duende
14th May 2017 11:28am
I went into psychosis they call me bipolar with psychotic episodes.. I hope you find the right meds beautiful Duende it pains my heart to know you are suffering this way.. keep strong dear lady it takes time to find the right combination.. love Brenda
14th May 2017 12:35pm
What you described sounded indeed like psychosis! Again... I'm really happy you're in a more stable place now and yes... I will get there, with our without meds! Thank you for your wishes, precious one... you stay strong too <3 Love, Duende
13th May 2017 2:27pm
13th May 2017 2:34pm
13th May 2017 2:37pm
I know the feeling all to well...I had to laugh at she would never shut up. The fact that we can still laugh and still feel means there is hope. Thanks for opening your soul 💛
13th May 2017 5:04pm
thank you Tim happy you found the sardonic humor in this made me giggle looking back on it :) love Brenda
13th May 2017 2:41pm
Methinks you get down on yourself a bit much.
But Hah! if that's what it takes to get to the real
you, keep it up.
But Hah! if that's what it takes to get to the real
you, keep it up.
13th May 2017 5:05pm
Anonymous
- Edited 13th May 2017 5:55pm
13th May 2017 2:47pm
You bare yourself for others to see like nobody I've read before. You don't try to hard (hide...damn auto correct...) your sharp or jagged edges, don't try to create vistas that you don't see. It makes the beauty of you shine all the more. That last stanza was like a fist to the gut. I suspect the same could have been said of me at one time. Keep talking, lovely dark angel
13th May 2017 5:06pm
thank you lovely one for such a gracious comment making me smile wide from the loveliness of it :) love you lady.. xo Crim
Anonymous
13th May 2017 3:22pm
<< post removed >>
13th May 2017 5:07pm
13th May 2017 8:23pm
Can't agree with that last line. You've said plenty, Lady Crim, and your eloquence and honesty inspire me. I'm bipolar and have my substance abuse issues so I can relate to some of this. Just wish I could lay it all out like you do!
13th May 2017 8:52pm
thank you Sir Crow I agree I say plenty on the page ;) just not too much in the day to day.. I feel for you relating I know you struggle as well.. I deeply appreciate your thoughts.. love Crim
14th May 2017 2:58pm
The last stanza is perfect although the saddest part of the poem - a life of struggle is so much more common, or is it just much more commonly discussed. I too am a Bi-polar bear with PTSD on the side, makes life interesting :-)
Sending you 1000 ehugs :-x
Sending you 1000 ehugs :-x
14th May 2017 6:56pm
thank you David for feeling this write and embracing me.. I too embrace you.. I'm sending you my love and hugs today may you feel them :) love Brenda
Anonymous
15th May 2017 4:03pm
My Beautiful Brenda...with every write you reach my soul...it is always in your candid eloquence which bares all vulnerability...you do it with passion and with strength and I for one, hope you NEVER run out of things to say...there would be a huge void in my life should such a thing ever happen. I love you deeply lovely one!
Love Taryn xoxo
Love Taryn xoxo
15th May 2017 4:23pm
thank you my love you reach my soul as well with your writes and deep compassion.. we have plenty to say to each other always for that I am eternally grateful :) I love you so much! xo Brenda
Anonymous
17th May 2017 8:55pm
Brenda.. so much passion, and pain.. this is so heartfelt, and brilliantly done as always.. i feel this ink deeply.. these lines truly grabbed me..
into the murky waters
where the demon sharks bite
I don't hate myself
just fail to have the proper respect
it takes to truly love me
i can certainly relate.. love you always...
Dave
into the murky waters
where the demon sharks bite
I don't hate myself
just fail to have the proper respect
it takes to truly love me
i can certainly relate.. love you always...
Dave
18th May 2017 00:01am
thank you Dave for understanding & feeling me I deeply appreciate you.. love you my brother.. xo Brenda
