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Greened Grass (a pantoum)
The grass is green - it has to be
since I conclude it must be so
as long as one and all agree
that green is green, not blue you know
since I conclude it must be so
perception varies quite a lot
that green is green, not blue you know
depends how eyes will join the dots
perception varies quite a lot
our neural networks link to suit
dependent eyes will join the dots
resulting in a point that’s mute
our neural networks link to suit
and how we label what we view
resulting in a point that’s mute
of how we claim the colour’s hue
and how we label what we view
relates to sole experience
of how we claim the colour’s hue
and call it all a “common sense”
relating sole experience
as long as one and all agree
to call it all a “common sense”
that grass is green - it has to be.
since I conclude it must be so
as long as one and all agree
that green is green, not blue you know
since I conclude it must be so
perception varies quite a lot
that green is green, not blue you know
depends how eyes will join the dots
perception varies quite a lot
our neural networks link to suit
dependent eyes will join the dots
resulting in a point that’s mute
our neural networks link to suit
and how we label what we view
resulting in a point that’s mute
of how we claim the colour’s hue
and how we label what we view
relates to sole experience
of how we claim the colour’s hue
and call it all a “common sense”
relating sole experience
as long as one and all agree
to call it all a “common sense”
that grass is green - it has to be.
Written by
Josh
(Joshua Bond)
Published 6th May 2017
| Edited 7th Mar 2024
Author's Note
Currently reading Stephen Fry’s “The Ode Less Travelled: unlocking the poet within”. Yesterday I reached page 240 in which I was introduced to the “pantoum”. Obviously I had to have a go at it. What you read above is my first attempt at this style of poem.
Every 4-line stanza has to follow an ABAB rhyming scheme. Each line occurs twice, with the 2nd & 4th lines of one stanza becoming the 1st and 3rd of the next. The poem can be as long as you like, as long as in the last stanza, lines 1 & 3 of the 1st stanza (which so far have not been repeated) become lines 4 & 2 (ie: reversed) of that last stanza, so no one line feels aggrieved at being left out of the loop, being denied a second chance to make their mark. Easy, huh?
(photo credit: anisur-rahman-K2b7UDed6uQ-unsplash)
Every 4-line stanza has to follow an ABAB rhyming scheme. Each line occurs twice, with the 2nd & 4th lines of one stanza becoming the 1st and 3rd of the next. The poem can be as long as you like, as long as in the last stanza, lines 1 & 3 of the 1st stanza (which so far have not been repeated) become lines 4 & 2 (ie: reversed) of that last stanza, so no one line feels aggrieved at being left out of the loop, being denied a second chance to make their mark. Easy, huh?
(photo credit: anisur-rahman-K2b7UDed6uQ-unsplash)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 12
reading list entries 5
comments 25
reads 1279
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
wouldn't something like (first line) "the grass is green, it has to be"
match better with something like (line three) "as long as one and all agree"
to get the rhyme scheme correct. always bearing in mind, of course, that
I'm an idiot ... :)
match better with something like (line three) "as long as one and all agree"
to get the rhyme scheme correct. always bearing in mind, of course, that
I'm an idiot ... :)
0
Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
6th May 2017 11:54pm
Thanks Paul, a good suggestion - implemented. I can now sleep easy with the improved version. The 'one and all' phrase captures more the essence of 'individual' tying in with 'common' perception - as well a rhyming more exactly. Thank you.
Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
7th May 2017 00:05am
I love it! Don't know if I will attempt to try it, but I do like this format very much, because, darn it "that grass is green - it has to be."
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Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
7th May 2017 3:27pm
Thank you again for commenting - I'm wondering what might be a suitable topic for the next one :)
Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
7th May 2017 4:05am
Bravo, Josh! I love the Pantoum and am shocked you've never heard of it. Like Villanelles, however, I can't seem to write one. It doesn't flow.
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Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
7th May 2017 3:30pm
Hi Ahavati, I am a late-starter self-taught. I have huge gaps in my knowledge of poetry - slowly filling them in, and always intrigued to find something new and have a go. I am currently also reading Seamus Heaney, for the first time, another gap being filled in. After all those NaPoWriMo villanelles it was time to seek out something new and more relaxing (hmmm). Thanks again for commenting
Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
7th May 2017 9:00am
Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
7th May 2017 3:31pm
Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
Anonymous
7th May 2017 12:57pm
Most every form I attempt ends up in a disaster, while you do them great justice.
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Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
7th May 2017 3:35pm
Thank you for your confidence in me Johnny; it's a bit stilted, but never mind. Generally I like a balance of both form and freestyle writing and find them both just as easy<->difficult as each other. Thanks again for commenting.
Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
Anonymous
7th May 2017 4:05pm
Holy cats! That read easily but felt complicated. Most impressed!
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Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
7th May 2017 8:37pm
Thanks Ash, I'm almost kind of impressed myself when I read it again just now and think how in the hell did I do that? (answer: the muse, not me) :)
Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
7th May 2017 8:49pm
After a first read, I feel the conversational tone, but it still is very well constructed with a semi - stream of consciousness form.
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Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
Hi Vladimiro, many thanks for taking the time to read and comment - and giving some interesting feed-back for me to think about. I find the creative process of writing requires walking some kind of tightrope balancing intellect, inspiration, soul, focus and 'being open' all at the same time. Maybe that accounts for the "semi-stream of consciousness" you felt as well. Thank you again; and welcome to DUP.
(Re your home page, it is quite possible that education is designed to prepare us to be cogs-in-the-machine which at the same time means becoming disconnected from ourselves - hence the feeling of being more confused after education, than before stepping in).
(Re your home page, it is quite possible that education is designed to prepare us to be cogs-in-the-machine which at the same time means becoming disconnected from ourselves - hence the feeling of being more confused after education, than before stepping in).
Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
7th May 2017 9:26pm
I love this a lot - I have always been a fan of clever poetry - this is really smart and shows off your abilities :-)
excellent ink :-)
excellent ink :-)
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Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
8th May 2017 1:59pm
Hi David, thank you for your enthusiastic support. I'm hopeless at anagrams, word-games and crosswords etc, so I am a bit surprised at myself doing this pantoum, and previous villanelles/structured poems - apart from the fact that English 'O'-level was my worst result. My English teacher must be long since dead but if they weren't ...
Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
7th May 2017 9:32pm
This is great Josh. I was going through a learning experience exploring the different forms of poetry a few years back. Let me check my archives to see if I can find it
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Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
8th May 2017 2:02pm
Hello JusTim, thank you for reading and the positive feed-back. I'm currently in a discovering-new-forms phase. I like to know what they are and have a go to see which of them "click" with my brain-synapse-configuration. Look forward to anything you point to of this ilk.
Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
9th May 2017 3:10am
nothin much to add....late to the party as i is...fine poem tho josh...good fun..
the grass is green has to be lest its just dirt
the grass is green has to be lest its just dirt
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Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
9th May 2017 6:46pm
Hi Vandel, late or not you're always welcome. Thank you for the feed-back; glad you enjoyed it.
Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
Wow, talk about someone arriving late to the party!
But Josh, I know how to do the Pantoum formulaic and let me tell you... I'd take off my hat to you if I was wearing one (takes off her shoes instead). Whether a first attempt or twentieth, you did a wonderful job the way you structured & composed this piece which is an instant recommendation for me to add to the List!
By the way, be on the lookout for a note from me with a special link. Take care! ~~Jade
p.s. It's been sent and awaits you in your inbox.
But Josh, I know how to do the Pantoum formulaic and let me tell you... I'd take off my hat to you if I was wearing one (takes off her shoes instead). Whether a first attempt or twentieth, you did a wonderful job the way you structured & composed this piece which is an instant recommendation for me to add to the List!
By the way, be on the lookout for a note from me with a special link. Take care! ~~Jade
p.s. It's been sent and awaits you in your inbox.
1
Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
"Wow, talk about someone arriving late to the party!"
... hmmm ... talk about late in replying :)) Thank you for your comment Jade, and the RL, and all the best for 2020. Best regards, Josh.
... hmmm ... talk about late in replying :)) Thank you for your comment Jade, and the RL, and all the best for 2020. Best regards, Josh.
Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
30th Dec 2019 9:18pm
Thank you so much, Josh! This has happened to me before as well!
This was a nice surprise, so better late than never.🐾
Happy Bew Year wishes🙏🏻
This was a nice surprise, so better late than never.🐾
Happy Bew Year wishes🙏🏻
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Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
15th Nov 2017 1:23pm
As a fan of the Pantoum form - great work - Jade pointed me to your poem and I agree it's a very well structured and enjoyable piece! Reading list and followed -
Geoff
Geoff
1
Re: Re. Greened Grass (a pantoum)
30th Dec 2019 9:01pm
A belated thank you for your comment Geoff (checking through my archive over Xmas here) and all the best for 2020. Josh.