deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sending My Love To His Whore
Baby boy,
I'll always be better,
Than that bitch with legs wide Open,
Just because she gives you some,
Doesn't mean you've fuckin' won!
Send my love to your new whore,
Because loving you was my never ending chore,
My darling,
You made my body burn,
And wanting you was such a never ending yearn.
But honey,
Now loving you is a lesson learned!
Send my love to your new whore,
Whose legs are wide open like a fucking door,
My love,
No hard feelings,
But one day,
Your gonna look back.
And when you realize I'm not coming back,
I'll be somewhere in the stars,
Maybe even on a beach,
Lying on my back,
With a drink in my hand,
And my body in the sand.
I'll always be better,
Than that bitch with legs wide Open,
Just because she gives you some,
Doesn't mean you've fuckin' won!
Send my love to your new whore,
Because loving you was my never ending chore,
My darling,
You made my body burn,
And wanting you was such a never ending yearn.
But honey,
Now loving you is a lesson learned!
Send my love to your new whore,
Whose legs are wide open like a fucking door,
My love,
No hard feelings,
But one day,
Your gonna look back.
And when you realize I'm not coming back,
I'll be somewhere in the stars,
Maybe even on a beach,
Lying on my back,
With a drink in my hand,
And my body in the sand.
Published 4th Mar 2017
| Edited 13th Oct 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 4
comments 6
reads 1086
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th Mar 2017 5:17pm
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Sep 2020 1:45am
4th Mar 2017 6:41pm
<< post removed >>
9th Mar 2017 8:44pm
This should be bitter but it's tempered with just enough honey to make it stickly sweetly'n sour.
Because you've requested honest critique, and I want to honor that, I would suggest removing all the commas ending the lines. Lines are a natural break if unless they're an enjambment. Maybe some space to emphasize the emotion, like compressing pressure points on readers. For example,
Baby boy
I'll always be better
Than that bitch with legs wide Open.
Interesting capitalization of Open. Reference to some type of holy altar/passage?
Anyway, I smiled at this.
Because you've requested honest critique, and I want to honor that, I would suggest removing all the commas ending the lines. Lines are a natural break if unless they're an enjambment. Maybe some space to emphasize the emotion, like compressing pressure points on readers. For example,
Baby boy
I'll always be better
Than that bitch with legs wide Open.
Interesting capitalization of Open. Reference to some type of holy altar/passage?
Anyway, I smiled at this.
26th Mar 2017 4:02am
14th Apr 2017 1:51am
Sometimes, these things are true.
It hurts😓
I really liked it. " I'll be somwhere in the stars". Great choice of words.
It hurts😓
I really liked it. " I'll be somwhere in the stars". Great choice of words.
17th Sep 2017 10:15pm
Powerful lines, have to admit the line "Send my love to your new whore" made me smile. Its realistic and I can imagine this being said/ thought
