awakenings

 
There is a bubble in time that I will always remember.   I remember the freedom of running though the green grass towards my father’s arms and being lifted in the air.   I remember the embrace of my mother and what it felt like to be straddled across her ribs – exuberance.   I was helpless, and still so loved, and accepting of it.   I knew of a joyful feeling like the breath in my heart.   I never let it go.  
 
It didn’t matter what I had gone through after I was broken.   My involuntary mind stayed focused throughout my life on that goodness long ago.   I don’t know why awakenings happen, but I saw for the first time all what I had denied; my own hopes and dreams, my own loves and desires, my own pains and anger.    The Universe breathed with me again as my soul was filled with its energy; nothing but the oceanic waves of the mother’s womb.    I remember what it was like to be whole.  
 
I smiled.  Life and its landscapes confounding, happiness, I had to go and find it.    The surge of acceptance was immediate.   It was like finding Jesus but cutting out the middle man and going right to the source.   I didn’t know what that source was.   It was the very nature of being.   I took control of my life as an individual; I went to college and started writing.   I started with poetry.   I loved what was inside of me.  I wasn’t thinking, I was just letting it flow.