If Only I Had

If only I had, one good reason, like put my family first/ If only I had, one good reason, like write a verse/ then maybe I could quit, as if I was smoking/ but that isn't it, and it's been hard coping/with the fact that I can't escape, the need for a drink/ it feels like I'm in constant debate, with myself, when I think/ whether or not, I should waste, another day wasting away/ maybe I should, spend some time with whatever God is listening, and pray/ I just don't know what to do, and I can't make a conscious decision/ so if there's anyone there, please don't mind my given religion/ I need help and maybe that's the first step, in truely believing/ that something beyond me, is in control of the wrongs I've been recieving/ now if I can gather up the strength, to fight/ then maybe I can turn a new leaf to pick up the pen again, and write/...but maybe there is no reason and I do it 'cause I couldn't care less/ 'cause I've been down to my worst and I've been as lost as the rest/ none of that seems to matter though,when I'm dealing with all this stress/ of not knowing, how to get these feelings off my chest/ sometimes it feels like I'm stripping flesh from the bone/ when all I want to do is find peace within myself, but I'm standing here alone/