The little Lies

it started with little white lies
are you okay baby
I am fine thank you
as she struggled with her exams

are you feeling good today
oyes honey, I am
while she tried to wash off
the turd from her shoes

you look so handsome
she said her eyes looking
over his shoulder
smiling at the man behind

will you marry me
oyes darling yes!
she said thinking he was the first
to ask after ten relationships

marriage blissful
at times unfufilled
she said o baby thats beautiful
or darling you are wonderful

no children he was shooting blanks
she said doesn't matter baby
we have each other
she stared at her neighbours baby

years flashed by
he suffered a stroke
couldn't hug couldn't love
doesnt matter baby I love you

the years of sooothing
the years of smoothing
paths inspite of disappointments
made her hard within

she wanted to live
she wanted to laugh
she wanted to love
honestly and sincerely

the white lies
turned into her prison
an appreciation in pretense
a circle of white fence

on the day he made his last journey
to the garden of totems and flowers
she knew that she had cheated
all her life, herself and him

she was in love with the doorman
his wife said he was an avid lover
she was envious of the neighbour's kid
who went on to become a teacher

she wanted to make love
in different ways
not always missionary
and coffee afterwards

she had eyed the crotch of men
thinking of their hardness
she had thoughts about the tall lean ones
not the pudgy ailing man besides her

sadly she watched him
get lowered into the ground
were her white lies because of love
or were they lights to ward off
the dark lonely years
unwanted on the shelf?

*this poem was entered in a competition here. thank you for reading*