deepundergroundpoetry.com
Your Poem
I am not famous nor wealthy,
In fact, I am nothing but a writer,
In the arms of the night I wander, stealthy,
I’m not strong, I am not a fighter,
I have nothing to offer but a few words,
Accept them to enlighten both of our worlds.
I could give you a thousand stars,
But against the moon,
I shall take no wars,
For that the sun would destroy me at noon,
Those are a few verses for you to cherish,
Please water them to not let them perish.
I could bring you flowers everyday,
But those only fade away,
And their petals slowly fall,
For you to leave them a pall,
I can however give your those memories,
And let your thoughts become treasuries.
Everything I write is for you,
And this poem is yours too.
In fact, I am nothing but a writer,
In the arms of the night I wander, stealthy,
I’m not strong, I am not a fighter,
I have nothing to offer but a few words,
Accept them to enlighten both of our worlds.
I could give you a thousand stars,
But against the moon,
I shall take no wars,
For that the sun would destroy me at noon,
Those are a few verses for you to cherish,
Please water them to not let them perish.
I could bring you flowers everyday,
But those only fade away,
And their petals slowly fall,
For you to leave them a pall,
I can however give your those memories,
And let your thoughts become treasuries.
Everything I write is for you,
And this poem is yours too.
Published 13th Aug 2015
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13th Aug 2015 10:55pm
'In the arms of the night I wander, stealthy,
I’m not strong, I am not a fighter,
I have nothing to offer but a few words,'
and
'I could give you a thousand stars,
But against the moon,
I shall take no wars,
For that the sun would destroy me at noon.' This verse is good, you are beginning to section the rhyming scheme less predictably. I like it, it's loosening up. Keep limber. Check in again soon.
I’m not strong, I am not a fighter,
I have nothing to offer but a few words,'
and
'I could give you a thousand stars,
But against the moon,
I shall take no wars,
For that the sun would destroy me at noon.' This verse is good, you are beginning to section the rhyming scheme less predictably. I like it, it's loosening up. Keep limber. Check in again soon.
14th Aug 2015 00:00am
Thanks, yeah I've been working on my rhymes a lot to make them feel more natural. I will however stick to my kind of traditional approach of poetry. More poems are to come once I will be back home.
Thank you again for your support and interest.
Thank you again for your support and interest.
14th Aug 2015 9:17pm
A lot of good nuggets here that almost seem to poetically mimic Elton John's song "your song."
Love the use of "treasuries." You had some moment of lazy cliche with the "1,000 stars" part, but you finished off the thought with originality.
Like this one.
Love the use of "treasuries." You had some moment of lazy cliche with the "1,000 stars" part, but you finished off the thought with originality.
Like this one.
14th Aug 2015 9:17pm
A lot of good nuggets here that almost seem to poetically mimic Elton John's song "your song."
Love the use of "treasuries." You had some moment of lazy cliche with the "1,000 stars" part, but you finished off the thought with originality.
Like this one.
Love the use of "treasuries." You had some moment of lazy cliche with the "1,000 stars" part, but you finished off the thought with originality.
Like this one.
15th Aug 2015 9:45pm
