deepundergroundpoetry.com
Val
She wears the evening with a thigh-high slit,
cigarette smoke wrapped around her shoulders like armor.
With a slow blink, she leans back,
dark tresses splashing her bare shoulder.
Val watches as he circles closer, aware of all moves
like a chess master knows the first pawn play.
She lets him smile his way into buying her a drink. She sips it,
her gaze lingering past the rim into his eyes, drinking her in.
She lights another gasper and crosses her legs,
flash frying electricity that short circuits his senses.
Her lips dance around a laugh laced with knives,
while her evening clutch packs more heat than her hips.
Tonight will blossom into black petal hours
that stay dark, and darker still when the fragrance
of her derangement haunts his skin relentlessly.
He staggers under her snaring gaze, mesmerized and ruined.
Published 29th May 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 15
reading list entries 4
comments 20
reads 2316
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The author encourages honest critique.
29th May 2015 5:38pm
I love a sweet femme fatale, but "derangement"? Have to draw the line somewhere. I've been mesmerized and ruined a few too many times. Really enjoyed this Atakti. I'm just a patsy at heart.
29th May 2015 5:44pm
29th May 2015 5:50pm
Anonymous
29th May 2015 9:07pm
<< post removed >>
30th May 2015 4:28am
Ahhh, Atakti, luv ~ :-*
It has been far, far too long since I've read one of your delectable, dangereuse masterpieces, luv. ;-*
You wield a pen like no other, you wanton poetic enchantress...
This poem is pure magic! :-*
It has been far, far too long since I've read one of your delectable, dangereuse masterpieces, luv. ;-*
You wield a pen like no other, you wanton poetic enchantress...
This poem is pure magic! :-*
30th May 2015 1:23pm
30th May 2015 3:41pm
30th May 2015 3:50pm
Beautiful...Beguiling...Bewitching....with a psychopathic personality--the perfect, "sweet femme fatale", as Crowfly pointed out!
What a twisted, toxic tale!
Intriguing--indeed--, my Friend!
What a twisted, toxic tale!
Intriguing--indeed--, my Friend!
30th May 2015 10:39pm
She's better as a film noire than someone's sweetheart, that's for sure. Although she'd be a good drinking partner...
Thanks, Enchantress, too kind.
Thanks, Enchantress, too kind.
30th May 2015 5:20pm
30th May 2015 10:40pm
Anonymous
31st May 2015 7:52pm
That is what female power can do, poor man...
Lol
Lol
1st Jun 2015 6:15pm
Maneater... I wonder what would happen if she met a ladykiller. Hehe
Thanks, Mourganna, for stopping by!
Thanks, Mourganna, for stopping by!
2nd Jun 2015 2:08am
great noir setting, she's glamorously cast in the image of all those '40's deadly dames. Gene Tierney's been on my mind lately.
he won't be back for the sequel...
he won't be back for the sequel...
2nd Jun 2015 5:48am
5th Jun 2015 10:43pm
Oooh Hello A!
Been a while since I visited your office, and to land on this, well what a pleasure to read, a gymnasium of mental stimulation.
I love how the opening introduces Val with an immediate punch. It feels as if we are acquainted and rooting for her, before she even starts her play. The chess metaphor is perfectly placed and used wisely, preventing what could have become cliché.
"flash frying electricity that short circuits his senses" is possibly my favourite line. It's probably the number of times crossed legs have short circuited my own senses that I relate to.
She definitely exudes that unique sexuality to define and manipulate, while maintaining her independence.
Your beautiful talent is most definitely on full display here in this.
Thanks for read!
Much love at this!
Al -x-
Been a while since I visited your office, and to land on this, well what a pleasure to read, a gymnasium of mental stimulation.
I love how the opening introduces Val with an immediate punch. It feels as if we are acquainted and rooting for her, before she even starts her play. The chess metaphor is perfectly placed and used wisely, preventing what could have become cliché.
"flash frying electricity that short circuits his senses" is possibly my favourite line. It's probably the number of times crossed legs have short circuited my own senses that I relate to.
She definitely exudes that unique sexuality to define and manipulate, while maintaining her independence.
Your beautiful talent is most definitely on full display here in this.
Thanks for read!
Much love at this!
Al -x-
8th Jun 2015 9:14pm
Thanks, Al! Happy to see you in after so long.
You are too, too kind with your feedback. Made me smile.
:)
You are too, too kind with your feedback. Made me smile.
:)
7th Jun 2015 1:44pm
From the killer first line that gets our attention with your unexpected twist of phrasing, to the heady and devastating last stanza, this is an outstanding piece. Read it over and over ... poisonous, delicious!
8th Jun 2015 9:12pm
Thank you so much for stopping by.
She is indeed toxic and delicious, so glad you agree.
She is indeed toxic and delicious, so glad you agree.
