deepundergroundpoetry.com
notorious
the city is full of strangers. rushing past each other, trying
desperately not to touch, as if it was a jungle full of thorn
bushes. male & female, under siege, you could almost feel
the weight of their secrets & sins.
being a male, I’m apprehensive of the treachery of men, but even
more so, of women. a man will face you, point his gun dead at your
belly, so you know it’s coming. maybe even give you a minute to
reconcile with whatever god is waiting on the other side.
but a woman, a woman will kiss your lips, let you skim your hand
over her back, right down to the expensive curve of her ass. she’ll
make those little animal moans like she’s never had it that good
before, as she holds a knife behind you, steady, ready to plunge it
in when it suits her.
I’ve been there, I’ve been cut, & every fallen angel who shivved me
would tell her own tearful side of the story, how she was justified,
how I had it coming. the judge & jury would buy it, too.
funny thing about a gorgeous stranger: a drink or two lets her
remember how lonely she is. & I’ll be there to light up her virginia
slim, listen to her weepy tale, let her dry her tears on the shoulder
of my sport jacket. she can talk her broken heart out, I won’t
recall it in the morning anyway.
that’s how those moonlit, romantic nights begin; dancing, embracing,
like the thorns have fallen away. sometimes I called her by name, &
sometimes I called her baby, mostly when I was drunk & couldn’t
remember which stranger I was with. in the bar or in bed.
‘talk to me’ she would say. so I told her how I wanted it, told her to use
her body like a sold woman, dirty talk like that. if she wanted poetry,
she could go to the library.
I figured it was the fear in me that made me cautious, not allowing
our nights together to rise above the sordidness of sex. never let her
become more than a stranger.
I could twist this around, tell it like it was a love story…
but I won’t.
Published 11th Apr 2015
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likes 21
reading list entries 2
comments 19
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Anonymous
- Edited 25th Sep 2020 3:45am
11th Apr 2015 00:26am
<< post removed >>
11th Apr 2015 00:34am
Anonymous
- Edited 11th Apr 2015 00:39am
11th Apr 2015 00:38am
<< post removed >>
11th Apr 2015 2:49am
I have little experience of things between man and woman, I cannot call myself a woman yet, but you always let me have a glimpse on different sides of things - the beauty and pain of love and lust and reality. Thank you, Mr. Feddeler. :)
Also, Gene Tierney!!! A lovely woman who had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder like me. Behind the beauty, I guess...
Also, Gene Tierney!!! A lovely woman who had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder like me. Behind the beauty, I guess...
11th Apr 2015 3:51am
11th Apr 2015 4:07am
Write a book already John u are a timeless Classic... I loved this!
love Always
Zazzles xoxoxox
love Always
Zazzles xoxoxox
11th Apr 2015 7:33am
The danger of beauty, of surface lust. Little girls cloaked in a women's bodies. Scary shit. Your story tells it all. Like this very much.
11th Apr 2015 8:33am
I guess we all have our double sides, we tend to hide whats within till we meet someone who's worthy to take our porcupine jacket off for, and they end up turning out otherwise. Women are good at it than men can try. Your poem says it all from different angles J.F, this is an extraordinary art. Thanks for sharing sir
I love this. Fantastic imagery. Suggestions, which pls feel free to ignore:
To make it more immediate and raw, keep it present tense and lose the conditionals. So lose the 'could' 1st stanza; in the 6th change 'called' to 'call', 'I was drunk and couldn't...' to 'I'm drunk and can't remember which stranger I'm with'. Likewise in the 7th, "‘talk to me’ she says. so I tell her how I want it, tell her to use her body like a sold woman, dirty talk like that. if she wants poetry, she can go to the library."
What do you think?
To make it more immediate and raw, keep it present tense and lose the conditionals. So lose the 'could' 1st stanza; in the 6th change 'called' to 'call', 'I was drunk and couldn't...' to 'I'm drunk and can't remember which stranger I'm with'. Likewise in the 7th, "‘talk to me’ she says. so I tell her how I want it, tell her to use her body like a sold woman, dirty talk like that. if she wants poetry, she can go to the library."
What do you think?
11th Apr 2015 12:21pm
I think this is awesome. And I read it to my partner. They cannot read, but I read it to them, and they LOVE your work. Getting them interested in poetry, so thanks!
~Stormi~
~Stormi~
A difficult confession made easy n poetic by ur candid black n white verses...never leaving the nuances unsaid. What i liked more is, which i see in most of ur poems, the sensitivity to the feminine characterizations you sketch delicate.. n the narrator's own softness n struggle, inspite of the notoriety n adventures set smokingly hot!
Tq fr this classic of a scribe, JF:)
Tq fr this classic of a scribe, JF:)
11th Apr 2015 8:19pm
I fall for the femme fatale every time. Wouldn't have it any other way, even with the price I pay.
11th Apr 2015 9:24pm
"‘talk to me’ she would say. so I told her how I wanted it, told her to use her body like a sold woman, dirty talk like that. if she wanted poetry, she could go to the library."
^^^^
hot damn, Mister Feddeler, your noir verses are always compelling
^^^^
hot damn, Mister Feddeler, your noir verses are always compelling
12th Apr 2015 2:56am
agh the images you create and on which I greedily feast. you spin spells and I am captivated as usual..curtsy bow and twirl thank you..you may have made me frisky!!
13th Apr 2015 3:57am
14th Apr 2015 12:33pm
The flow is so easy... like butter on the bread. Its a pleasant read . I like it
19th Apr 2015 10:40am
Simply splendid, amazing beginning that funnels into almost a lament for things lost, overall a spectacular piece! Much enjoyed!
Anonymous
20th Apr 2015 7:05pm
I love your poetry intensely. You have such a unique talent of telling a story in a way that I have never come across before. Truthful, full of true wisdom having experienced first hand how life truly is under the make up. You know women better than most could know themselves. I applaud your knowledge!
8th May 2015 5:13am
