Internal Memo (Hell)

 
Today is No Noise Friday

There will be no screaming
There will be no crying
No blubbering, sobbing or whining
No whingeing, moaning or groaning
No grumping, shouting or acting up
No running around like headless chickens
No flapping about like gutless fish
All residents’ teeth have been removed
All forms of gnashing deemed inappropriate
All whips have been bubble wrapped
All torture contraptions have been heavily greased
Torture rooms have been padded and sound proofed
All residents have been pool ball gagged
The lake of fire has been temporarily extinguished
All other fires reduced to pilot light setting
There will be no new admissions today
All will be referred to the queue in limbo
Death has temporarily been suspended
All demons have been given a leave of absence
Any witches needing evil instruction or advice
Should e-mail me at Belzeebub@Hades.org
Virgins waiting to be deflowered will just have to wait
All orgies have been cancelled, until later
But only if I feel up to it
100: compliance is required by all
Today’s sound bite ‘Comply or die’

Normal evils services will resume tomorrow
Today I have a hangover

Satan