Screamed

I went into my room and I took the nearest pillow.
I knelt.
I screamed.

I wanted to go deaf so I didn't have to hear it anymore, does that make sense? Does anxiety make sense? Even without medication?

I just want everything to be perfect and all my loved ones happy and maybe that's why I'm constantly saying I'm sorry. What do I feel right now? Everything is probably fine but I'm still fucking shaking. I'm always shaking especially since last night happened. Can you explain anxiety attacks and anxiety disorders to me? It's basically me all the time trying and not doing and crying and screaming and everyone else is fine but you're fucking not because you have no idea what's wrong with you and all you can do is pick out the bad pieces like my therapist tells me I do.

And all you can do is sit and scream and hope someone notices, but how can someone notice without any ears?