Fourteen Decibels

Fourteen decibels
Angry angel, suspend me.
The glow still hangs above the trees at night,
And the banshee throated brother, too late to the fight.
Muscle spasms have since subsided and yet,
The wounds spill forth unending and split.
I did right, but the guilt and guilt.
Twisted visions unsettle my head.
And fourteen decibels keep ringing instead.
Bellowing like powder kegs bursting,
Yet, too soft for others to hear fully.
All I see is grotesque, monstrous
This image I can’t defeat
It still rears against reality.
I know what is false, I know what is real,
I know that I acted, and I knew it was real.
Still, I cried out for help, I cried out for her.
I knew this had passed, the beautiful world.
I never had the respite of denial.
I knew, soon as I held her.
I carried her, the heaviest sorrow, and heaviest of the weighted hearts.
She’d filled her own with all of ours.
We weep and plead and weep and weep.
Somehow, in some way, something, anything, please.
Why?
Just answer me
I had your back ever and always.
Ever and always Kira
I thought you knew

-In memoriam to my baby sister