You are the reason.... (trigger warning somewhat)

I hate you. You broke me. You messed up my future. You made me sick. You hurt me in so many ways. You are the reason why my thighs are cut up. You are the reason why I have trust issues. You are the reason why I can not sleep at night. You are the reason why I am scared to go out on my own. You are the reason why I have tried to end my life so many times. You are the reason why I can't look a person in the eyes. You are the reason why I am scared of guns. You are the reason why I am failing all my classes because I can't focus. You are the reason why I am crying every night. You are the reason why I do not like cameras. You are the reason why I keep a razor in my night stand. That reason is there so when the memories come back I can cut them away. You are the reason why I have panic attacks. You are the reason why my anxiety kicks in when I go to places the remind me of you. You are the reason why I have times where I zone out. You are the reason why I everything is so wrong in my life. You are the reason why my class assignments get turned in late, because I can't concentrate. All I think about is what if you come back, what if this time I can't get away... What will happen then? You are the reason for all of this...