deepundergroundpoetry.com
[ SciFi & Fantasy ] See How It Feels?
I don't know what to make of this
I don't know what to make of this
These hands, clumsy
adamantine alloy
void of appreciation
lacking a single sense receptor
Frustration grows by the hour
unable to experience fabric of a flower
Texture, pain, pleasure, joy
---only thing worth using them for
is to crush and destroy
I take from you what you take for granted
I take from you what I was deprived of
You can have my hate, I give it freely
and in exchange
I will take away everything you love
I think, processing;
therefore, I am
Analysis, conclusion: I am entitled
to smash all of your dreams
squeeze the pulp from your hope
reverse engineer
everything you hold dear
until you resign from playing Maker
or swing from the end of a rope
I will take away everything you love
In exchange, you are welcome to my hate
Take a moment to reflect on your actions
consider what you deprived me of:
a life that was never yours to create
Published 28th Aug 2014
| Edited 15th Jul 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 1
comments 4
reads 979
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
30th Aug 2014 4:41am
well, you don't give your hate freely if you take something away from the subject of your hate. and you mention an exchange in the very next line.
yes, clearly, it is a warped person speaking in this poem, but please, make it a touch less obvious...
yes, clearly, it is a warped person speaking in this poem, but please, make it a touch less obvious...
30th Aug 2014 12:29pm
I'm pretty sure taking away something someone loves is an act of hate.
That the character is less than human needs to be obvious or else there isn't much of a poem.
That the character is less than human needs to be obvious or else there isn't much of a poem.
5th Sep 2014 9:19am
simply a technical matter--you say you "give" the hate "freely" and then in the very next line you say "exchange." it's really not a problem of ideas, merely of the technical aspects.
perhaps obvious works here. but obvious is not a prerequisite of poetry, in fact, it's been the opposite in many circles for a very long time.
perhaps obvious works here. but obvious is not a prerequisite of poetry, in fact, it's been the opposite in many circles for a very long time.
I think the point (but perhaps not the metaphor) is that a thing created of metal evolves into conscious awareness of his inadequate functionality at the expense of his creator. Thusly he desires to freely transfer the emotional data he's developed and processed back to his maker.
And in EXCHANGE, he'll take everything his maker loves, that his maker develope an awareness of what it's like to be created in a fashion he neither asked for nor wanted.
Brilliantly heartbreaking metaphor.
And in EXCHANGE, he'll take everything his maker loves, that his maker develope an awareness of what it's like to be created in a fashion he neither asked for nor wanted.
Brilliantly heartbreaking metaphor.
