I feel So Sorry

I Feel So Sorry

As I look back and hear your voices of regret
I feel so sorry
I look at the things I caused, the distress I imposed upon you
The suffering you endured with silent dignity
I feel so sorry and embarrassed.

I look at myself with a critical eye
What possessed you, what were you thinking
Why what did you hope to achieve
Did you even give it a moment’s thought?
Is there an inner me with a self-destruct button?
Does this inner me have a cruel core, a dark sense of rottenness?

Why would I deliberately set out to hurt?
The most precious special lady in my life
Does the inner me no have insight into your needs
Is he so disgustingly selfish?
Life is not about me me me me me me me
I am so very profoundly sorry for distressing you

When you point out to me the ways I hurt you
I feel deep shame in, fact profound revulsion
I can see now the triggers for bringing out the inner me
Situations I now know to avoid
I am so sorry for bringing that ugly inner me into you life

I want you to meet the man you fell in love with
You see underneath the inner me is the spirit of me
Free vibrant vivacious loving adventurous
A man who is completed by you

Allow me to tell you what this man saw when he met you
I saw a woman who was vulnerable yet strong in spirit
You were not who you wished to be or where you wanted to be
I saw a mass of contradictions, a woman who was compromised
You were bowed yet not quite broken

I saw gentleness and compassion
You were like a caged bird biding your time in captivity
I felt the warmth of your open spirit
You dressed to please me, now that did you great credit
I saw a lady with a capacity to listen

A sense of humour and an abundance of compassion
I felt a closeness in your presence which felt right and natural
You had a view of the world yet you had little real experience of it
I sensed that you understood things that really mattered
Imbued with common sense and pragmatism

You told me of your past life from childhood
Growing up in crowded family, I sensed few listened to you
Well now here I was willing to hear your voice
Your life story, your past regrets, your missed chances
It was like a mirror to me for the first time in my life

I had met someone who needed to talk to me and with me
Sharing experiences and ideas as equals with judgment
When I met you I found someone who completed me
My ying, to your yang, my special lady, my incredible best friend
As we talked we danced first around ourselves and then around each other  
 
It took a little time for me to see you as an individual
A woman with life to look forward to and baggage to jettison

I heard you express yourself at first tentatively then suggestively
Whilst being unsure you dared
To put your hope and dreams out there
Until I met you I had never wanted to listen to someone else
You had something worth listening to and that intrigued me

My attraction to you came from within
A powerful magnetism that resonates to this day
When I was in your presence I felt at one with myself
As I found you so you began to find me
I could talk fearlessly to you as a man speaks to a woman
You spoke fearlessly to me as a woman speaks to a man
In our dancing souls we met and became soul mates
Life long friends who intuitively understand each other

We found a reason to live, someone to live for
Whatever I can provide, you can have
I realised that what I was seeking was someone to experience me
When I met you I enjoyed telling you about myself
You listened and shared your experiences
A conversation of two dancing minds learning to love

Have you ever felt as if you want to stop the world?
Step outside and make the desired changes
Then continue with “now where was I”

We both knew life is hard
Yet when we were together it seemed worthwhile
My manhood shrivelled like a lollipop when I was away from you
I felt like a fulfilled man when I was with you

You inspired my creative side
I felt so moved the day when you declared
That none had ever written a poem just for you
Your tears brought us so close my best’est friend

In order to discover true trust you have to become vulnerable
To dare to risk rejection
I wanted to explore with you something I did not really understand
Maybe it is a deep need within me that only you can fulfil

If you stop and take a long look in the mirror
What do you see looking back at you?
Look beyond the glasses and the hair
Gaze into your eyes and look into your own soul

That is the person who you are the person whose drives you
The one you obey, your pure conscious, the essence of you
In the biggest leap of faith in or respective lives
I asked you if you would unquestioningly obey me
This was deep trust issue because you knew that I would never hurt you
To totally trust you have to understand that what goes around comes around like a mirror a chocolate treat so good yet so bad

In magnetism if north pushes south then south goes north
If I hurt you then I would be hurting myself
If you hurt me then you would be hurting yourself
It is that ying and yang thing
Yet this was a matter of considerable importance to me
I wanted to sense that obedience from you
Something you could freely give to me
A private intimacy matter between you and me
A statement “for you I would willingly do anything”
I will obey and respect you because I intuitively trust you my love

It takes a lot to get to this special point in your life
When you are ready to weld yourself to another
Because you know it is what you want
Instinctively you know it is what you both need

Do you remember how you felt when we were alone?
In the privacy of each other, I heard your every breath
I sensed your every movement your every glance
As we opened up to each other our security grew
Falling love like an express train was delicious experience
You became my women and I became your man

Now lets roll the clock forward eighteen event filled years
How do you feel now my love my special lady
/\ together we stand united against all adversity