deepundergroundpoetry.com
Thoughts 24
Life gets dull when you feel too much
Then when it all stops you want it all back
The pain
The guilt
The sorrow
The anger
Then it comes back
I've been looking for something to lose
I'm getting tired of searching
Maybe I've been following my own tracks
It never seems to end
But what if it does?
Today's been like yesterday
And the day before that
And the day before that
Sometimes I think I've died
Sometimes I think I'm in Limbo
Can you want to die if you're already dead?
Had a dream about her last night
Had a dream she moved on
Had a dream she found another man
Then I woke up
I'm on my third beer
Still feeling
Still thinking too much
Still hoping for something to change
Waiting for that wakeup call
Tomorrow will be a different day
Painted in all the same shades
A copy with minor flaws and inconsistencies
Could have fooled me
I'll still be here
Waiting
Then when it all stops you want it all back
The pain
The guilt
The sorrow
The anger
Then it comes back
I've been looking for something to lose
I'm getting tired of searching
Maybe I've been following my own tracks
It never seems to end
But what if it does?
Today's been like yesterday
And the day before that
And the day before that
Sometimes I think I've died
Sometimes I think I'm in Limbo
Can you want to die if you're already dead?
Had a dream about her last night
Had a dream she moved on
Had a dream she found another man
Then I woke up
I'm on my third beer
Still feeling
Still thinking too much
Still hoping for something to change
Waiting for that wakeup call
Tomorrow will be a different day
Painted in all the same shades
A copy with minor flaws and inconsistencies
Could have fooled me
I'll still be here
Waiting
Published 29th Mar 2014
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likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
29th Mar 2014 2:00am
I honestly really enjoyed this poem. My applause to you. I can't think of much to critique, but if I had to say something it would be that you don't have to repeat "The" so may times at the beginning as it almost dulls down the words following with repetition, but that is just an opinion and I really like your word choice and form of the poem. Great :)
29th Mar 2014 2:38am
Thanks for the critique. I did that to get that sense of repetition across. I guess it worked.
29th Mar 2014 2:47am
I have no formal knowledge of the correct structure of a poem. I read them for the enjoyment and the value of the message as it relates to my life.
I too, find myself following my own tracks. Your poem has made me wonder why, am I afraid the one I am following may become lost? or is it the one following, that is afraid of being left behind?
To The Art of Self/Study
I too, find myself following my own tracks. Your poem has made me wonder why, am I afraid the one I am following may become lost? or is it the one following, that is afraid of being left behind?
To The Art of Self/Study
29th Mar 2014 3:12am
