My "Friends"

You may know their names, sweet and silent
innocent to behold, just a way of life
secretive and delusionary
twisting my mind to follow their will
forcing me to hide my thoughts
trust not a soul with the danger within
it's true, they're really my enemies
but even though they kill me slowly
I'd miss them if they left

it's like Ana, my dear, has taken my mind
and Mia, the darling, has shredded my pride
spinning into an abyss I cannot escape
and part of me doesn't want to
now I'm beautiful, now I'm perfect
but the mirror lies, oh how it lies
in reality, skin and bones and fainting spells
have consumed my life and my spirit
dwindling into a lovely whisper
that's what my "friends" wanted all along

breaking under the weight of guilt and shame
I had to do something, anything, to feel relief
so the blade, the blood, comes rushing in a flood
the answer to everything I have done
but I guess I did the math wrong, this is a mistake
another ditch I've gone and dug myself into
and it might as well have a headstone
because this may very well be the death of me,
my grave and final resting place

they'll lay me down in a garden of roses
too young, so young, they'll say
too far gone, chasing away threats of hospitals
sleepless nights, insomniac, anxiety disorder
major clinical depression, no pills, please
a therapist I trust but it's still not enough
these "friends" haunt me every weak moment
cruel words cause whispers to echo again
voices in my brain that won't die
screaming "you deserve to die now!"

maybe I still believe them, and maybe I don't
perhaps I'll be fine, but perhaps I won't
it's a battle, a fight, a skirmish all my life
this war won't be won til I choose a side
one day, if my "friends" let me be