deepundergroundpoetry.com
A Doomed Scherzando
Haughty eyes
I turn on your nodding, Darling,
my plans for the evening
not yet becoming;
not till you're sleeping.
My splintered conscience is only kindling
for the blazing inferno
beginning below.
Sense, intelligence
tingling with promise
of lust -
promises, trust broken, but
nothing of ours, Darling,
was ever enough.
...............................
My sentence might have been laid
to the Second* -
seduced
too smooth and quick,
the devil's fingers
lips, tongue, dick drew juices:
sweet respite
from angels' tunes
sung constant in my mind.
But my soul was signed away to the Eighth**
by baiting all 'round,
by viciously
taking them down
one at a time
designing, combining
newer ways
of spinning lies
to wrap them to lips
of spinning ties
to wrap them to tips
my puppets, hopping
to staggered metronomes'
ticking and tocking
in a brilliant scherzando
I'll tell them all, you know
that they've been played;
blame the other for corrupting my nature
as they fight for ego
their own interests
just slightly strained
by disarray created
in their friendly midst
And one long day
while steeping in shit,
I may wish
I'd listened to the angels.
References to the circles of Hell in Dante's Inferno:
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circles_of_hell#Second_circle_.28lust.29
** http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circles_of_hell#Eighth_circle_.28fraud.29
I turn on your nodding, Darling,
my plans for the evening
not yet becoming;
not till you're sleeping.
My splintered conscience is only kindling
for the blazing inferno
beginning below.
Sense, intelligence
tingling with promise
of lust -
promises, trust broken, but
nothing of ours, Darling,
was ever enough.
...............................
My sentence might have been laid
to the Second* -
seduced
too smooth and quick,
the devil's fingers
lips, tongue, dick drew juices:
sweet respite
from angels' tunes
sung constant in my mind.
But my soul was signed away to the Eighth**
by baiting all 'round,
by viciously
taking them down
one at a time
designing, combining
newer ways
of spinning lies
to wrap them to lips
of spinning ties
to wrap them to tips
my puppets, hopping
to staggered metronomes'
ticking and tocking
in a brilliant scherzando
I'll tell them all, you know
that they've been played;
blame the other for corrupting my nature
as they fight for ego
their own interests
just slightly strained
by disarray created
in their friendly midst
And one long day
while steeping in shit,
I may wish
I'd listened to the angels.
References to the circles of Hell in Dante's Inferno:
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circles_of_hell#Second_circle_.28lust.29
** http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circles_of_hell#Eighth_circle_.28fraud.29
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likes 9
reading list entries 1
comments 33
reads 1122
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Ooooo
16th Feb 2011 9:05pm
Dante's trilogy is one of my absolute fav reads. I simply cannot pick this apart, it is AMAZING work from you, Jesta! So tell me... what's your favorite sin?
2
re: re: Ooooo
16th Feb 2011 9:33pm
re: re: re: Ooooo
re: re: re: re: Ooooo
16th Feb 2011 9:47pm
re: re: re: re: re: Ooooo
16th Feb 2011 9:58pm
I should have thanked you more profusely, because you actually did give me a gigantic grin and a squeaking sound escaped the back of my throat. hahaha So thank you for the wonderful review! [:
LA
J, envy! Envy, right here, pleased to meet you. You ripped this topic to sheds. What an unusual one as well. Beautifully executed with a very guiltless way, an almost faux innocence. I'm forever dazzled, Ms. You really caught me with this one.
1
re: LA
16th Feb 2011 9:54pm
thank you so much! what a compliment! yeah, inspiration smacked me on the head today. finally. [:
but nothing of ours, Darling, was ever enough
16th Feb 2011 10:20pm
"...
too smooth and quick,
the devil's fingers,
lips, tongue, dick" :) :)
chocholate... definitely the third circle.
as for me, i'm definitely headed (as are most of you) to the sixth circle.
and talk about close to my heart: i just gotta love a poem with references :)
2
re: but nothing of ours, Darling, was ever enough
ah, so glad you approve! I've got another reference for you! check that i hit all the points:
"There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood, -- (figuratively speaking, i hit that one)
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
a false witness who pours out lies and
[one] who stirs up dissension among brothers." - Proverbs 6:16 - (the Christian Bible)
"There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood, -- (figuratively speaking, i hit that one)
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
a false witness who pours out lies and
[one] who stirs up dissension among brothers." - Proverbs 6:16 - (the Christian Bible)
re: re: but nothing of ours, Darling, was ever enough
17th Feb 2011 3:20am
yes, have definitely verified: haughty eyes, lying tongue, a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a person who stirs
up dissension among brothers.
and that "hands that shed innocent blood" isn't figurative if you interpret "drew juices" as
consisting partly of blood which is entirely possible.
you're a clever eve; it's obvious you've partaken of the fruit. :)
1
The thing that
Anonymous
17th Feb 2011 9:47pm
strikes me about this is the easy intelligence it contains. You've made something - constructed this poem that is so fluid, and almost like a piece of music, but it's absolutely jam packed with meaning.
Ya get me?
lol...
Really good work Jestalessa.
You're poetry is becoming exceptional,
S
PS - I'm with Ray on the references
Ya get me?
lol...
Really good work Jestalessa.
You're poetry is becoming exceptional,
S
PS - I'm with Ray on the references
1
re: The thing that
thank you so much! i had hoped it wasn't too obscure, and that the complications didn't put anyone off. it does take a bit of effort to read...but i enjoyed putting that effort into writing it. really, thanks for the read and the comment.
[-: <--just once!
[-: <--just once!
It's a good read, Jax
...but when you play whore for your reader does the real voice with your best work get lost?
I'd also look at the tenses again. And if I'm real picky I'd change 'porous' for something else.
Best ~ Abra
I'd also look at the tenses again. And if I'm real picky I'd change 'porous' for something else.
Best ~ Abra
1
re: It's a good read, Jaxbut
too true, too true... i've been copy/pasting instead of crafting. my mentors have disappeared! i'll work it, thanks for checking. [:
re: re: It's a good read, Jaxbut
20th Feb 2011 6:55pm
You'll always be your best mentor ~ rabbits caught in headlights don't morph into poets.
1
Comment
Anonymous
22nd Feb 2011 11:30pm
This is one classy piece of verse Jacki. With one poem you've disproven all the hokey, pseudo-poetic shit which clogs my college libraries. A towering inferno of style and technique, more haunted than the wood of suicides.
1
re: Comment
23rd Feb 2011 8:15am
wow, thank you, Jack. it was fun to write but it was tapping into an evil side so closely that it drained me. :D your praise is valued, sir, many thanks again. [:
re: hey up
:D (haha, love your comments)
ah yes, "seduced" - i was trying not to take anyone away with it, just get the point across with a little tease. good of you to notice. [:
ah yes, "seduced" - i was trying not to take anyone away with it, just get the point across with a little tease. good of you to notice. [:
aye
30th May 2011 2:07pm
re: aye
30th May 2011 4:59pm
thanks, GB, i was in a bit of a rush and didn't get a chance to re-do it for more theatrical effect since then, but i probably will once my voice comes back. thanks again!
review
31st May 2011 4:42am
wow the poem is exquisite, sexy sophistication refined to perfection
enjoyed the reading as well, you are so adorable and full of personality I have to officially state that I am an admirer
enjoyed the reading as well, you are so adorable and full of personality I have to officially state that I am an admirer
0
re: review
31st May 2011 8:45am
...
31st May 2011 12:34pm
"My splintered conscience is only kindling
for the blazing inferno
beginning below."
That's got to be the best couple of lines I've read in a long while. I love the sounds you use...how that 'b' sound gives it a deep tone, and how that's put together with the image of flames jumping...it's like you hit the high notes and the low ones all at the same time. And I like how the whole piece is quick and playful - so that it dances its dance, without you even realising it's drawing you in.
for the blazing inferno
beginning below."
That's got to be the best couple of lines I've read in a long while. I love the sounds you use...how that 'b' sound gives it a deep tone, and how that's put together with the image of flames jumping...it's like you hit the high notes and the low ones all at the same time. And I like how the whole piece is quick and playful - so that it dances its dance, without you even realising it's drawing you in.
0
re: ...
31st May 2011 12:46pm
thumbs up
1st Jun 2011 3:05am
re: thumbs up
1st Jun 2011 1:19pm
I absolutely...
1st Jun 2011 4:10pm
re: I absolutely...
1st Jun 2011 5:09pm
thank you so much, i appreciate that you liked it, though i still think it may have itself a redo. [:
spell binding
7th Jun 2011 7:29am
re: spell binding
7th Jun 2011 7:57am
ah, thanks Eamonn! it was one of my grand idea days. well, from my view. had so much fun with it and it's one of the 3 of mine i can recite without reading. haha [: