deepundergroundpoetry.com
I'm not broken
Blue eyes looking through me,
I can feel your curiousity's heat;
you want to touch the darkness
to have it crumble at my feet.
With every breath that I exhale,
you gently coax me out;
trying to hypnotise my tongue
to let my secret shout.
But it's a glass house
and I don't want you to see
that there have been savages here
Please don't take your eyes off me...
I'm not broken...
(just maybe a little bruised)
shhh...
I love the way you look at me,
though there's damage I conceal;
promise me you won't wavier
nor change the way you feel...
But it's a glass house
and I don't want you to see
that there have been savages here
Please don't take your eyes off me...
I'm not broken...
(just maybe a little bruised)
shhh...
I'm not broken...
Just misused.
I can feel your curiousity's heat;
you want to touch the darkness
to have it crumble at my feet.
With every breath that I exhale,
you gently coax me out;
trying to hypnotise my tongue
to let my secret shout.
But it's a glass house
and I don't want you to see
that there have been savages here
Please don't take your eyes off me...
I'm not broken...
(just maybe a little bruised)
shhh...
I love the way you look at me,
though there's damage I conceal;
promise me you won't wavier
nor change the way you feel...
But it's a glass house
and I don't want you to see
that there have been savages here
Please don't take your eyes off me...
I'm not broken...
(just maybe a little bruised)
shhh...
I'm not broken...
Just misused.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 13
reading list entries 4
comments 35
reads 1064
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 7:28am
I don't want you to see
that there have been savages here
Please don't take your eyes off me...
I love this part and how coy u are about it not wanting to see but yet see indide you for who u really are. beautiful write
that there have been savages here
Please don't take your eyes off me...
I love this part and how coy u are about it not wanting to see but yet see indide you for who u really are. beautiful write
1
re: Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 7:39am
He knows there's something there, and wants to touch... exactly how I feel the lines you've picked out.
Thank you for reading and commenting x
Thank you for reading and commenting x
re: re: Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 7:42am
Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 11:25am
we learn from mistakes & experience. we can see it's made you stronger. nice write...
1
re: Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 1:02pm
Stronger is a choice... Definitely chosen. Thank you for your reflections x
Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 12:31pm
"just misused" is an outstanding concluding line.
Of your poems so far I think this is my favorite
Great ink. More please .....
Of your poems so far I think this is my favorite
Great ink. More please .....
1
re: Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 1:04pm
Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 1:22pm
re: Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 8:00pm
Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 1:48pm
Agree with PoetSpeak, concluding line caps this beautiful write.
Your warm rays of love piercing my window pain
peeling layers exposing bruises that shame me
please do not take your eyes off me
The chill will shatter what is left of me
Amazing write Heart of Glass
Your warm rays of love piercing my window pain
peeling layers exposing bruises that shame me
please do not take your eyes off me
The chill will shatter what is left of me
Amazing write Heart of Glass
1
re: Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 8:03pm
Oooh I like your comment addition... Thank you so much for reading... x
Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 3:53pm
I'm not broken...
(just maybe a little .......bruised)
shhh...
miss used
misused
or over used
great use
wet use or dry use
but still desire it to be always 4 ever used
(just maybe a little .......bruised)
shhh...
miss used
misused
or over used
great use
wet use or dry use
but still desire it to be always 4 ever used
1
Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 4:23pm
re: Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 8:04pm
Re: I'm not broken
17th Jan 2014 8:20pm
Glass hearted one
This is a much better scheme, entirely lyrical you've kept a good meter and flow throughout and your content is quite relatable and easily read.
Its clear you've put some thought into the form and structure and it shows.
Its always nice to see a new member grow, I'll be keeping an eye on you cos I think you'll be do it quick enough.
fair play, shine on
This is a much better scheme, entirely lyrical you've kept a good meter and flow throughout and your content is quite relatable and easily read.
Its clear you've put some thought into the form and structure and it shows.
Its always nice to see a new member grow, I'll be keeping an eye on you cos I think you'll be do it quick enough.
fair play, shine on
1
re: Re: I'm not broken
19th Jan 2014 10:53pm
Hey! Thank you for coming back and reading another of my pieces and for your feedback... can get better :)
Re: I'm not broken
Anonymous
17th Jan 2014 11:19pm
Loved the tie-in with your username and that last line, "I'm not broken, just misused." Gold. Cheers Heart!
1
re: Re: I'm not broken
19th Jan 2014 10:58pm
Re: I'm not broken
18th Jan 2014 11:29pm
Re: I'm not broken
19th Jan 2014 1:06am
Very beautiful poem, I like it! And the verses :
"trying to hypnotise my tongue
"to let my secret shout
And the last ones :
"I'm not broken...
"Just misused
Nice ink!
"trying to hypnotise my tongue
"to let my secret shout
And the last ones :
"I'm not broken...
"Just misused
Nice ink!
1
re: Re: I'm not broken
19th Jan 2014 10:59pm
That's what he does, gently gently bringing it out.
Thank you for reading x
Thank you for reading x
Re: I'm not broken
19th Jan 2014 11:05am
re: Re: I'm not broken
19th Jan 2014 11:00pm
Thank you so much for reading LyricalDiva, I really appreciate the comment x
Re: I'm not broken
19th Jan 2014 12:16pm
re: Re: I'm not broken
19th Jan 2014 11:03pm
Thank you for taking the time to stop by. This was a response to a song I was told to listen to (crack the shutters by Snow Patrol).
re: Re: I'm not broken
21st Jan 2014 00:45am
re: Re: I'm not broken
21st Jan 2014 1:36am
Re: I'm not broken
21st Jan 2014 1:40am
re: Re: I'm not broken
21st Jan 2014 2:58am
Re: I'm not broken
23rd Jan 2014 3:18am
The chorus is exceptional...to what style of music would this be set?
1
re: Re: I'm not broken
9th Feb 2014 11:15am
I'm sorry I missed your comment! I was thinking to piano, a little haunting key.
re: re: Re: I'm not broken
13th Feb 2014 3:44am
That would be beautoiful...kind of a Tori Amos, Natalie Merchant riff
1