deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Out of Towner
Working out late in the day bench pressing,
my ass became numb from the pinching slats.
Hitting twenty coffin nails as I blink
to the tune of Johnny cool it sinks in.
Little kids trying to feed nesting swans
the corner street barkers hollering
and over there an art museum with nobody in it.
Colour fades grey in a town with no movement.
I think the kids are onto something...
adjusting my wraparounds I pushed myself up
from the astronaut bench, seeking new frontier.
Java huts and propane lunches fill the air
with snide step tedium, a wash for purpose.
Behind me I hear little Billy screaming,
I'm guessing the swans won...
I score a stretch where shadows loom
making shapes dance on the corner, offering sunlight.
Grit lines the sides of macadam as I keep on walking
letting out to a burned down factory.
Who knew the harsh underbelly was Wonderbread?
softened winds blow,in the distance I see a man with his grocery cart.
Fixing his toboggan at the back end of summer,
I swear, these guys see storms coming, I shiver a bit at that.
Making my bee line for the tracks stalking a slow moving train
I catch a hand pulling me in, he says his name is Mark
just got on and leaving town, "where you headed" I asked
"for adventure" he says proudly "to the hillsides and country time"
Agreeing I said "indeed, sing me the song of home my friend."
Beaming bright he threw cupped sounds of mountains
to the clacking of direction, while blazing fields threw out red carpets
sundown valleys screaming toward wilderness
my ass became numb from the pinching slats.
Hitting twenty coffin nails as I blink
to the tune of Johnny cool it sinks in.
Little kids trying to feed nesting swans
the corner street barkers hollering
and over there an art museum with nobody in it.
Colour fades grey in a town with no movement.
I think the kids are onto something...
adjusting my wraparounds I pushed myself up
from the astronaut bench, seeking new frontier.
Java huts and propane lunches fill the air
with snide step tedium, a wash for purpose.
Behind me I hear little Billy screaming,
I'm guessing the swans won...
I score a stretch where shadows loom
making shapes dance on the corner, offering sunlight.
Grit lines the sides of macadam as I keep on walking
letting out to a burned down factory.
Who knew the harsh underbelly was Wonderbread?
softened winds blow,in the distance I see a man with his grocery cart.
Fixing his toboggan at the back end of summer,
I swear, these guys see storms coming, I shiver a bit at that.
Making my bee line for the tracks stalking a slow moving train
I catch a hand pulling me in, he says his name is Mark
just got on and leaving town, "where you headed" I asked
"for adventure" he says proudly "to the hillsides and country time"
Agreeing I said "indeed, sing me the song of home my friend."
Beaming bright he threw cupped sounds of mountains
to the clacking of direction, while blazing fields threw out red carpets
sundown valleys screaming toward wilderness
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likes 10
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comments 23
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 3:01am
The country side is so strange to city folks but to the people there its home. And vice versa I suppose. Good read there Soul. Almost hear the train chug.
1
re: Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 5:27am
Indeed:) I have city friends that get so freaked out by the woods lol :)
Thank You Dear Grace!!!
Thank You Dear Grace!!!
Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 3:14am
The country is my home and its great...so is this poem. I love how descriptive it is. Great write :)
2
re: Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 5:29am
Yes indeed...it is strange when we leave eh? always nice to be back home-Thank You for stopping by with kind words Megs!!!
Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 3:38am
I love how you try out different styles, Soulman, without ever losing the quality of your word choices or the striking images. Very impressive !
2
re: Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 5:32am
Re: The Out of Towner
Anonymous
11th Sep 2013 5:45am
Got me drawn in right from the start with the bench pressing and the slats...
Great stuff!
Great stuff!
1
re: Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 2:12pm
Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 7:56am
I love the countryside, I am lucky enough to have the best of both worlds.
A wonderful descriptive write Soul.
A wonderful descriptive write Soul.
1
re: Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 2:14pm
It is nice to be able to bounce both worlds eh?
fortunate here too with that...i dont dislike city rounds...but SOME of the nearby towns leave alot to be desired lol (Always nice to come back home-Thank You :)
fortunate here too with that...i dont dislike city rounds...but SOME of the nearby towns leave alot to be desired lol (Always nice to come back home-Thank You :)
Re: The Out of Towner
Anonymous
11th Sep 2013 8:20am
A fascinating tale, Soul, makes me think of a documentary I once saw about hillbillies
We have our own version of hillbillies here.
We have our own version of hillbillies here.
2
re: Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 2:16pm
They have their characters eh? i walk a bit of both worlds...each has their magic:) Thank You Dear Queen:)
Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 2:45pm
Man; wish had room to add this to favs... You really have something here... It made me feel like was sittin in a coffee house here on 4th Ave listenin to some of the realy great poets read while enjoyin one my fav drinks... Made me feel warm with good memories, right on man, right on...
1
re: Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 4:21pm
Greatly appreciate the kind words Deadwolf!!!
Thanks for stopping by:)
Thanks for stopping by:)
Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 3:13pm
Different view and perspective well expressed and enjoyed! Made me ready to go up to my grandparents to enhoy the farm...fav line
"Who knew the harsh underbelly was Wonderbread? "
"Who knew the harsh underbelly was Wonderbread? "
2
re: Re: The Out of Towner
11th Sep 2013 4:23pm
:) do it:) time to get outtah town for a spell!!!
:) i chuckled a tad at the Wonderbread-sadly fitting-Greatly appreciate Your Time Nik!!!
:) i chuckled a tad at the Wonderbread-sadly fitting-Greatly appreciate Your Time Nik!!!
Re: The Out of Towner
12th Sep 2013 11:59am
i like this style sd. seems more modern and appropriate as far language goes..
i can dig it good sir.
keep it up man////
i can dig it good sir.
keep it up man////
1
re: Re: The Out of Towner
12th Sep 2013 2:09pm
Thank You Sir!!!
well...modern i'll never be lol but a wise-ass always-Appreciate You checking it out JR!!!
well...modern i'll never be lol but a wise-ass always-Appreciate You checking it out JR!!!
Re: The Out of Towner
12th Sep 2013 3:19pm
Wow, you just captured my teen-aged days here Soul...when I and my friends used to hitch hike on a slow moving freight train as it passed by our hang-out in town, and we would jump off in the cornfields to gather what we can. (LOL)
This is a good one Soul, but this poetic style could be presented better if there is separation between thoughts...just sayin'!
This is a good one Soul, but this poetic style could be presented better if there is separation between thoughts...just sayin'!
1
re: Re: The Out of Towner
13th Sep 2013 1:24am
hehehe excellent!!! Indeed, it was mine to...that's how we would visit the city for a day...country boys let loose in foreign land hahaha
You say separation between thoughts...indeed I do love to let some things breathe, but my mind is a chaotic energy at times and takes in things around me like an open flood gate...to me the city does this to me when visiting...an overload of description was the only way to put its energy into the write for me...I will take Your advice into consideration on my next wandering of this sort...Always Greatly appreciated Buddy!!! (Your words always have weight with me Sir)
You say separation between thoughts...indeed I do love to let some things breathe, but my mind is a chaotic energy at times and takes in things around me like an open flood gate...to me the city does this to me when visiting...an overload of description was the only way to put its energy into the write for me...I will take Your advice into consideration on my next wandering of this sort...Always Greatly appreciated Buddy!!! (Your words always have weight with me Sir)
re: re: Re: The Out of Towner
13th Sep 2013 6:15pm
It's always a pleasure to indulge in your thoughts, let alone ride the waves of your imagination!
1
Re: The Out of Towner
12th Sep 2013 9:15pm
You have placed me dead center of this ink! Everything was scribed so descriptively, that I literally felt like an invisible character in this piece. Beautifully done, as only you can! Xo
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re: Re: The Out of Towner
13th Sep 2013 1:32am
:) Thank You Dear Rain:) it was a bit negative in its view of a town (said the country boy lol) but there is Beauty to it to, I was just trying to stretch a bit:)and focus on the dark a bit... Thank You!!!