< dream gun >

Very touching, and intense.

which is sometimes sounding sarcastic and otherwise creative. The blend of imagination and hardcore passion describing the real gun is exhibiting the sharp skill of yours as a typical modern cum contemporary writer.

All that repetition is like standing on the outside and watching bits of the action replay in a stuttered kind of way...but what i really liked about it is the way that repetition somehow echoes childhood rhymes and chants...and that makes the sentiments behind the words much more human and less cold. I dunno if that just sounds like bullshit and i've read it wrong...but that's what i got, and that's what i liked.
I would love to be able to take such simple and direct phrases and words like you do and give them as much impact as you always manage.

sounds good to me, shall steal as my own interpretation. :)

The repetition gives the poem a gunfire-like rhythm and I like that.Nothing like the sound of revenge!

Yes, very important; if it wasn't for revenge fantasies, I wouldn't have the strength to keep suffering.

The message and rhythym pentrates my soul.

Tres bien

you have an amazing dream gun and a more amazing hand and mind and inspiration for writing this touching piece!

yes! a chant to soften weakness and despair must seem strong.

"in the crucible of my head". I thought I was the only person who had one of those. It's good to know my brain keeps such talented company. I felt kinda lonely in there with nothing but my mind which seems to be lost.
Great Read.

yes, i have one too.

well... 'crucible' may be a bit strong, but since it reminds of the Arthur Miller play
i went ahead and used it.

maybe i should have used 'furnace' or 'incandescense'?

or even: glory hole, oven, retort, melting pot, solar furnace, electric arc furnace,
   electric induction furnace, reverberatory furnace, open hearth furnace,
   or even 'Bessemer converter'.

haha :)

I've read this several times now. All and all, not bad. The lack of caps is a lot like e.e. cummings though.

My use of lower case is a direct homage to E. E. Cummings (he always
used the conventional cases for his name BTW). And, well, that's what I
say... but the main reason is that it's a way of denoting that the damn
stuff is 'serious' poetry. And, since this convention/affectation has
gone out of style, I receive, as a bonus to my style, a distinct 'retro'
flavoring.

That sounds pretentious. I used to think that way but now I know better.

Keep up the good work and...

Cheers

it's not 'pretentious' if it's true. :)
 
but as i said elsewhere: all writers are bullshit artists

I'm sorry this sounded like idk how to put it. But not a poem. Just empty words laid out.