the feeling that kills me daily

Writing the one thing I could do in my sleep
Now I can't even right a sentence the words are scrambled
Just like my mind
He hurt me told me things I wanted him to lie about
Just for once
The tears feel like fire
Like I'm in a flame awaiting a death
That in the end will not happen
I cried again
And again knowing it burned
I do not know what this is or how to deal
Calling it love is not what it was or is
He was not a muse nor was he anything
A door hit him for that happiness over joys me
But his absence makes me feel empty
When I talk to him I keep it short
Try to hide the fact my eyes burn
I have lots writing and now I feel lonely
Waiting for rain to fall
Reality to awaken
And my heart put back as if he were just another flame blown out like a candle