Weird shit and nothing else
Nevermindthegaps said:
After all the years of charging up, should we all get blast suits and pray?
could it be classified as a W.M.D?
(I’ll throw myself out)
AHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAAA.... that was the best thing I read today.
OMG! MAGS! YOU NEED A COSTUME FOR YOUR VAG! WMD, baybee!
It you get a little leotard for yours, I'll get a cape for mine.
We can be supertwats together!
After all the years of charging up, should we all get blast suits and pray?
could it be classified as a W.M.D? (I’ll throw myself out)
AHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAAA.... that was the best thing I read today.
OMG! MAGS! YOU NEED A COSTUME FOR YOUR VAG! WMD, baybee!
It you get a little leotard for yours, I'll get a cape for mine.
We can be supertwats together!
Strangeways_Rob said:Watersports should be confined to wind-surfing, canoeing et all. She was a right charmer. Wanted me to wee in her mouth and then, for dessert, poo on here. I vehemently refused. She lightened the mood by banging on the windows and screaming "rape." Exit sharply. But here lies the rub. She was the niece of the Head of PR where I worked.
Met a fair few deviants over the years, best left to the sewers of memory. This was particularly, or more specific, weird shit.
You are Strange because Rob is already Robs. Just want to clarify that.
So, Strange, I am with you on the no toilet-y stuff kink. You get an honorable mention.
Met a fair few deviants over the years, best left to the sewers of memory. This was particularly, or more specific, weird shit.
You are Strange because Rob is already Robs. Just want to clarify that.
So, Strange, I am with you on the no toilet-y stuff kink. You get an honorable mention.
Betty said:
You are Strange because Rob is already Robs. Just want to clarify that.
So, Strange, I am with you on the no toilet-y stuff kink. You get an honorable mention.
Anything but Bob.
Not sure if any UK members will remember the short lived craze of "dwarf throwing" in night clubs. It was kind of regulated (well, Snow White's army were given helmets and there were crash mates). It was wrong for all kinds of reasons. Just wrong & I remain embarrassed by launching a human being in a Blackpool nightclub. For sporting records, however, I did reach a distance over eight feet and was awarded a free cocktail
You are Strange because Rob is already Robs. Just want to clarify that.
So, Strange, I am with you on the no toilet-y stuff kink. You get an honorable mention.
Anything but Bob.
Not sure if any UK members will remember the short lived craze of "dwarf throwing" in night clubs. It was kind of regulated (well, Snow White's army were given helmets and there were crash mates). It was wrong for all kinds of reasons. Just wrong & I remain embarrassed by launching a human being in a Blackpool nightclub. For sporting records, however, I did reach a distance over eight feet and was awarded a free cocktail
Strangeways_Rob said:
Anything but Bob.
Not sure if any UK members will remember the short lived craze of "dwarf throwing" in night clubs. It was kind of regulated (well, Snow White's army were given helmets and there were crash mates). It was wrong for all kinds of reasons. Just wrong & I remain embarrassed by launching a human being in a Blackpool nightclub. For sporting records, however, I did reach a distance over eight feet and was awarded a free cocktail
What about Bobert? Can I call you Bobert?
Dude… you threw small people?!
Eh, fuck, I’m already going to hell. Might as well laugh. But you don’t beat Lav.
Anything but Bob.
Not sure if any UK members will remember the short lived craze of "dwarf throwing" in night clubs. It was kind of regulated (well, Snow White's army were given helmets and there were crash mates). It was wrong for all kinds of reasons. Just wrong & I remain embarrassed by launching a human being in a Blackpool nightclub. For sporting records, however, I did reach a distance over eight feet and was awarded a free cocktail
What about Bobert? Can I call you Bobert?
Dude… you threw small people?!
Eh, fuck, I’m already going to hell. Might as well laugh. But you don’t beat Lav.
Anonymous
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Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Anonymous said:<< post removed >>
Sorry -- I was tired as shit and you were being obnoxious.
I WANT MY FUCKING CHEESE BACK!
(Sorry, that was maybe one of my favorites, Lav. Like... a block of fucking CHEESE?! That's... amazing.)
ATTENTION! ATTENTION ALL... Madam Lav has kicked our asses in weird.
All Hail The Queen.
Sorry -- I was tired as shit and you were being obnoxious.
I WANT MY FUCKING CHEESE BACK!
(Sorry, that was maybe one of my favorites, Lav. Like... a block of fucking CHEESE?! That's... amazing.)
ATTENTION! ATTENTION ALL... Madam Lav has kicked our asses in weird.
All Hail The Queen.
Anonymous
Another from the vault
Around 2007 I had the fortune of being sent to work in the city
The club we were in was about 500 yards from a xxx sex shop, (#foreshadowing)
The night was busy, grinding bodies,
the usual drugs and short skirts
testosterone fuelled dicks
and morons like me paid to try and keep thing more or less civil
There was a guy in the club I knew from my regular cess-pool, Danny, now Danny is a window licker at best, however his whole life has been manual labouring jobs, so he has the ground into the bones strength, the kind that scares you when you first encounter it, it’s wirey and feels fathomless.
To top it off Danny was the type of person suffering from what appeared to be bipolar disorder, I.e he could be petting a kitten exclaiming how cute it is before snapping the end of his beer bottle off and stabbing you 55times before dropping back down, laughing at how much it tickles when the pussy is licking him, he’d probably turn around and ask if he should lick the pussy back (#special)
One of the other guards notice old mate Danny was drunk as fuck,
they cut him off and tried to walk him out
I was stuck on VIP room duties and couldn’t leave my station, I radioed the boss to ask if they’d let me handle Danny because I knew him…
The boss being a total fuckwit told me to shut the fuck up and do what I do best stand there look big, dumb and intimidating they’d handle Danny….
Fuckwit 1 boss
Fuckwit 2 Liam (#nothisrealname)
tried to get Danny out by force straight off the bay, Fuckwit 2 Liam pretended to try and talk to Danny politely while fuckwit 1 blindsided him and they proceeded to make fools of themselves
Danny fought tooth and nail all the way to the door, they knocked into and injured a couple of people before they got him outside.
After a few minutes I got a little concerned, neither one had come back in, and neither one had radioed
I’d thrown Danny out multiple times
he normally fought like a demon until he was outside, then he staggered off into the night pin-balling off of every inanimate object that happened to get in his path.
After ten minutes I tried radioing Liam and Boss, got nothing,
Being as I’m a kind and compassionate person I decided to grab one of the bar staff to watch the VIP room for a few minutes…
Waded through a sea of people,
shit music and ass smelling smoke before I made it to the front door…..
Danny was out the front
I let Danny go, told him to run along, he smiled thanked me and brought me a coke next time I saw him at my regular…..
Fuckwit 1 and 2 were unconscious, there were a crowd of people standing around them laughing (#theyfuckingdeservedit)
Danny had apparently wandered up to the sex shop brought an approximately 15inch double ended dildo and beaten fuckwit 1 and 2 unconscious then looped the thing between their belts….
I rolled over Boss and he had a swelling contusion on his left cheek in a similar shape as the end of a cock…..Fuckwit 2 was much luckier his bruising wasn’t as distinct
They’re were forever dubbed
The double-dongs at staff meetings
Around 2007 I had the fortune of being sent to work in the city
The club we were in was about 500 yards from a xxx sex shop, (#foreshadowing)
The night was busy, grinding bodies,
the usual drugs and short skirts
testosterone fuelled dicks
and morons like me paid to try and keep thing more or less civil
There was a guy in the club I knew from my regular cess-pool, Danny, now Danny is a window licker at best, however his whole life has been manual labouring jobs, so he has the ground into the bones strength, the kind that scares you when you first encounter it, it’s wirey and feels fathomless.
To top it off Danny was the type of person suffering from what appeared to be bipolar disorder, I.e he could be petting a kitten exclaiming how cute it is before snapping the end of his beer bottle off and stabbing you 55times before dropping back down, laughing at how much it tickles when the pussy is licking him, he’d probably turn around and ask if he should lick the pussy back (#special)
One of the other guards notice old mate Danny was drunk as fuck,
they cut him off and tried to walk him out
I was stuck on VIP room duties and couldn’t leave my station, I radioed the boss to ask if they’d let me handle Danny because I knew him…
The boss being a total fuckwit told me to shut the fuck up and do what I do best stand there look big, dumb and intimidating they’d handle Danny….
Fuckwit 1 boss
Fuckwit 2 Liam (#nothisrealname)
tried to get Danny out by force straight off the bay, Fuckwit 2 Liam pretended to try and talk to Danny politely while fuckwit 1 blindsided him and they proceeded to make fools of themselves
Danny fought tooth and nail all the way to the door, they knocked into and injured a couple of people before they got him outside.
After a few minutes I got a little concerned, neither one had come back in, and neither one had radioed
I’d thrown Danny out multiple times
he normally fought like a demon until he was outside, then he staggered off into the night pin-balling off of every inanimate object that happened to get in his path.
After ten minutes I tried radioing Liam and Boss, got nothing,
Being as I’m a kind and compassionate person I decided to grab one of the bar staff to watch the VIP room for a few minutes…
Waded through a sea of people,
shit music and ass smelling smoke before I made it to the front door…..
Danny was out the front
I let Danny go, told him to run along, he smiled thanked me and brought me a coke next time I saw him at my regular…..
Fuckwit 1 and 2 were unconscious, there were a crowd of people standing around them laughing (#theyfuckingdeservedit)
Danny had apparently wandered up to the sex shop brought an approximately 15inch double ended dildo and beaten fuckwit 1 and 2 unconscious then looped the thing between their belts….
I rolled over Boss and he had a swelling contusion on his left cheek in a similar shape as the end of a cock…..Fuckwit 2 was much luckier his bruising wasn’t as distinct
They’re were forever dubbed
The double-dongs at staff meetings
Anonymous
The Asian Toss
I was sent to work on one of the busiest
fucking hell holes my state has to offer
2 stories and about 8 rooms of wall to wall debauchery
Doof, doof music
RnB
Techno
each room was insulated so the music didn’t carry between them,
3 security guards per room, 150 people room capacity
I got stuck in the RnB room or as we liked to call it china town 3 because it was where the asians congregated. (#casualracism,beforeitwasathing)
At the time I was able to clean and snatch 80kilo dumbbells so I was built like a truck and 6ft2
Asians tend to be on average a smaller people (#dontshootthestatistician) and not weight anywhere near as much, so I stood out like bulldogs balls….
A fight ensues
One Asian falls atop another (#thatwasntatheyalllookalikejoke)
The guy on top starts beating the poor fellow on the bottom as if he’d just finger banged his sister and asked if she smelt fishy…..
I waded through the sea of people to reach down and grab the belt of the guy on top and went to drag him backwards…. He may have weighed 50 kilos……
I threw him backwards over my head for him to collide with the wall and be knocked unconscious like a rag doll…
Next thing it was like a bunch 8th graders trying to tear down a giant, I think I knocked out 4 of them with opened handed slaps, my oldest daughter would put up more of a fight….
So needless to say I got fired for excessive violence and congratulated for tossing an Asian about 2metres and knocking him out (#putonsomeweight)
I was sent to work on one of the busiest
fucking hell holes my state has to offer
2 stories and about 8 rooms of wall to wall debauchery
Doof, doof music
RnB
Techno
each room was insulated so the music didn’t carry between them,
3 security guards per room, 150 people room capacity
I got stuck in the RnB room or as we liked to call it china town 3 because it was where the asians congregated. (#casualracism,beforeitwasathing)
At the time I was able to clean and snatch 80kilo dumbbells so I was built like a truck and 6ft2
Asians tend to be on average a smaller people (#dontshootthestatistician) and not weight anywhere near as much, so I stood out like bulldogs balls….
A fight ensues
One Asian falls atop another (#thatwasntatheyalllookalikejoke)
The guy on top starts beating the poor fellow on the bottom as if he’d just finger banged his sister and asked if she smelt fishy…..
I waded through the sea of people to reach down and grab the belt of the guy on top and went to drag him backwards…. He may have weighed 50 kilos……
I threw him backwards over my head for him to collide with the wall and be knocked unconscious like a rag doll…
Next thing it was like a bunch 8th graders trying to tear down a giant, I think I knocked out 4 of them with opened handed slaps, my oldest daughter would put up more of a fight….
So needless to say I got fired for excessive violence and congratulated for tossing an Asian about 2metres and knocking him out (#putonsomeweight)
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Nevermindthegaps said:Another from the vault
Around 2007 I had the fortune of being sent to work in the city
The club we were in was about 500 yards from a xxx sex shop, (#foreshadowing)
The night was busy, grinding bodies,
the usual drugs and short skirts
testosterone fuelled dicks
and morons like me paid to try and keep thing more or less civil
There was a guy in the club I knew from my regular cess-pool, Danny, now Danny is a window licker at best, however his whole life has been manual labouring jobs, so he has the ground into the bones strength, the kind that scares you when you first encounter it, it’s wirey and feels fathomless.
To top it off Danny was the type of person suffering from what appeared to be bipolar disorder, I.e he could be petting a kitten exclaiming how cute it is before snapping the end of his beer bottle off and stabbing you 55times before dropping back down, laughing at how much it tickles when the pussy is licking him, he’d probably turn around and ask if he should lick the pussy back (#special)
One of the other guards notice old mate Danny was drunk as fuck,
they cut him off and tried to walk him out
I was stuck on VIP room duties and couldn’t leave my station, I radioed the boss to ask if they’d let me handle Danny because I knew him…
The boss being a total fuckwit told me to shut the fuck up and do what I do best stand there look big, dumb and intimidating they’d handle Danny….
Fuckwit 1 boss
Fuckwit 2 Liam (#nothisrealname)
tried to get Danny out by force straight off the bay, Fuckwit 2 Liam pretended to try and talk to Danny politely while fuckwit 1 blindsided him and they proceeded to make fools of themselves
Danny fought tooth and nail all the way to the door, they knocked into and injured a couple of people before they got him outside.
After a few minutes I got a little concerned, neither one had come back in, and neither one had radioed
I’d thrown Danny out multiple times
he normally fought like a demon until he was outside, then he staggered off into the night pin-balling off of every inanimate object that happened to get in his path.
After ten minutes I tried radioing Liam and Boss, got nothing,
Being as I’m a kind and compassionate person I decided to grab one of the bar staff to watch the VIP room for a few minutes…
Waded through a sea of people,
shit music and ass smelling smoke before I made it to the front door…..
Danny was out the front
I let Danny go, told him to run along, he smiled thanked me and brought me a coke next time I saw him at my regular…..
Fuckwit 1 and 2 were unconscious, there were a crowd of people standing around them laughing (#theyfuckingdeservedit)
Danny had apparently wandered up to the sex shop brought an approximately 15inch double ended dildo and beaten fuckwit 1 and 2 unconscious then looped the thing between their belts….
I rolled over Boss and he had a swelling contusion on his left cheek in a similar shape as the end of a cock…..Fuckwit 2 was much luckier his bruising wasn’t as distinct
They’re were forever dubbed
The double-dongs at staff meetings
Shit, took you long enough to get to the ‘beat with dildo’
I did not laugh at that shit at all. (That is a lie. I did. I just don’t want to encourage Aussies Telling 2 Hour Stories That Should Have Taken 5 Minutes Volume 27.)
I still think Lav is leading. Someone threw cheese at her. That is funny shit.
Around 2007 I had the fortune of being sent to work in the city
The club we were in was about 500 yards from a xxx sex shop, (#foreshadowing)
The night was busy, grinding bodies,
the usual drugs and short skirts
testosterone fuelled dicks
and morons like me paid to try and keep thing more or less civil
There was a guy in the club I knew from my regular cess-pool, Danny, now Danny is a window licker at best, however his whole life has been manual labouring jobs, so he has the ground into the bones strength, the kind that scares you when you first encounter it, it’s wirey and feels fathomless.
To top it off Danny was the type of person suffering from what appeared to be bipolar disorder, I.e he could be petting a kitten exclaiming how cute it is before snapping the end of his beer bottle off and stabbing you 55times before dropping back down, laughing at how much it tickles when the pussy is licking him, he’d probably turn around and ask if he should lick the pussy back (#special)
One of the other guards notice old mate Danny was drunk as fuck,
they cut him off and tried to walk him out
I was stuck on VIP room duties and couldn’t leave my station, I radioed the boss to ask if they’d let me handle Danny because I knew him…
The boss being a total fuckwit told me to shut the fuck up and do what I do best stand there look big, dumb and intimidating they’d handle Danny….
Fuckwit 1 boss
Fuckwit 2 Liam (#nothisrealname)
tried to get Danny out by force straight off the bay, Fuckwit 2 Liam pretended to try and talk to Danny politely while fuckwit 1 blindsided him and they proceeded to make fools of themselves
Danny fought tooth and nail all the way to the door, they knocked into and injured a couple of people before they got him outside.
After a few minutes I got a little concerned, neither one had come back in, and neither one had radioed
I’d thrown Danny out multiple times
he normally fought like a demon until he was outside, then he staggered off into the night pin-balling off of every inanimate object that happened to get in his path.
After ten minutes I tried radioing Liam and Boss, got nothing,
Being as I’m a kind and compassionate person I decided to grab one of the bar staff to watch the VIP room for a few minutes…
Waded through a sea of people,
shit music and ass smelling smoke before I made it to the front door…..
Danny was out the front
I let Danny go, told him to run along, he smiled thanked me and brought me a coke next time I saw him at my regular…..
Fuckwit 1 and 2 were unconscious, there were a crowd of people standing around them laughing (#theyfuckingdeservedit)
Danny had apparently wandered up to the sex shop brought an approximately 15inch double ended dildo and beaten fuckwit 1 and 2 unconscious then looped the thing between their belts….
I rolled over Boss and he had a swelling contusion on his left cheek in a similar shape as the end of a cock…..Fuckwit 2 was much luckier his bruising wasn’t as distinct
They’re were forever dubbed
The double-dongs at staff meetings
Shit, took you long enough to get to the ‘beat with dildo’
I did not laugh at that shit at all. (That is a lie. I did. I just don’t want to encourage Aussies Telling 2 Hour Stories That Should Have Taken 5 Minutes Volume 27.)
I still think Lav is leading. Someone threw cheese at her. That is funny shit.
Nevermindthegaps said:The Asian Toss
I was sent to work on one of the busiest
fucking hell holes my state has to offer
2 stories and about 8 rooms of wall to wall debauchery
Doof, doof music
RnB
Techno
each room was insulated so the music didn’t carry between them,
3 security guards per room, 150 people room capacity
I got stuck in the RnB room or as we liked to call it china town 3 because it was where the asians congregated. (#casualracism,beforeitwasathing)
At the time I was able to clean and snatch 80kilo dumbbells so I was built like a truck and 6ft2
Asians tend to be on average a smaller people (#dontshootthestatistician) and not weight anywhere near as much, so I stood out like bulldogs balls….
A fight ensues
One Asian falls atop another (#thatwasntatheyalllookalikejoke)
The guy on top starts beating the poor fellow on the bottom as if he’d just finger banged his sister and asked if she smelt fishy…..
I waded through the sea of people to reach down and grab the belt of the guy on top and went to drag him backwards…. He may have weighed 50 kilos……
I threw him backwards over my head for him to collide with the wall and be knocked unconscious like a rag doll…
Next thing it was like a bunch 8th graders trying to tear down a giant, I think I knocked out 4 of them with opened handed slaps, my oldest daughter would put up more of a fight….
So needless to say I got fired for excessive violence and congratulated for tossing an Asian about 2metres and knocking him out (#putonsomeweight)
(pinches bridge of nose with thumb and forefinger)
(To self) Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
So. Strange cornered the people-toss market. But thank you for providing another novel.
I still believe Lav still owns it, followed by fellow SuperTwat Mags.
I was sent to work on one of the busiest
fucking hell holes my state has to offer
2 stories and about 8 rooms of wall to wall debauchery
Doof, doof music
RnB
Techno
each room was insulated so the music didn’t carry between them,
3 security guards per room, 150 people room capacity
I got stuck in the RnB room or as we liked to call it china town 3 because it was where the asians congregated. (#casualracism,beforeitwasathing)
At the time I was able to clean and snatch 80kilo dumbbells so I was built like a truck and 6ft2
Asians tend to be on average a smaller people (#dontshootthestatistician) and not weight anywhere near as much, so I stood out like bulldogs balls….
A fight ensues
One Asian falls atop another (#thatwasntatheyalllookalikejoke)
The guy on top starts beating the poor fellow on the bottom as if he’d just finger banged his sister and asked if she smelt fishy…..
I waded through the sea of people to reach down and grab the belt of the guy on top and went to drag him backwards…. He may have weighed 50 kilos……
I threw him backwards over my head for him to collide with the wall and be knocked unconscious like a rag doll…
Next thing it was like a bunch 8th graders trying to tear down a giant, I think I knocked out 4 of them with opened handed slaps, my oldest daughter would put up more of a fight….
So needless to say I got fired for excessive violence and congratulated for tossing an Asian about 2metres and knocking him out (#putonsomeweight)
(pinches bridge of nose with thumb and forefinger)
(To self) Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
So. Strange cornered the people-toss market. But thank you for providing another novel.
I still believe Lav still owns it, followed by fellow SuperTwat Mags.
