Let your mind run wild!

White memory loss

This is the last line for tonight.
My emotions are not in line with my needs.
Should I sniff it now or should I leave it for tomorrow?

As the Lord and my mother would say
“Don’t leave for tomorrow, what you can do today”.

I agree that Lord was a junkie but my mom is just fat
and I’ m in front of a white memory loss, hungry as a rat.

My friend has just jumped from the window and I’m so upset,
he left it open and the wind blew my shit away.
Now it’s all mixed with the grains of dust
and his untold goodbye
People are screaming, I hear them crying,
why they just don’t shut up!
I need a line, I know he had more in his pocket
fucking idiot, why he jumped without leaving me the stuff!

I ware my dress, red wine with dark stripes, maybe black,
I fix my hair and make up my cheeks
I look healthy now or maybe blue.
I run to him, he is surrounded of many freaks
with families and kids,
they look my feet, I have no shoes,
I slapped him once and took his shorts
left him naked like he left me,
his small dick will be the front page of all papers tomorrow
he always wanted to be famous the selfish cunt.

I go back to my flat, me, my rat and the pockets of the dead,
there was nothing in there “look better” I said to myself
and there it was, a beautiful feminine line
dressed like winter -sunny outside and cloudy inside- ,
this is the last of the last
I’ll obey the Lord, I’ll obey my mom
“Don’t leave for tomorrow, what you can do today”.

I agree that Lord was a junkie but my mom is just fat
and I’ m in front of a white memory loss, hungry as a rat.


**Welcome to DU!!

Nicolassy. . .Welcome, and please, step into mine.


pokerface[d].

split Ace[s].

the Dealer has the Devil
on the run.

on the flip side
of Pit Bosses
& Casinos,
Vegas Jack
fingers the Spade
'cause he stole
Johnny King's Queen
of Hearts
then Flush[ed]
her goods w/a good
fisting;

she's not in love
if Diamond[s]
are not a girl's best friend ~
& he wasn't no friend
the man in the timeless fedora
staking his claim
with a bottle of booze
crooning the blues
whispering in her ear
about the rumor
of a Clover
he picked 'fore
he stopped believing
in lady luck;

& luck struck him
like a souped up 52 [card]
pick-up
as his adrenaline
rushed, she blushed,
he figured they were
Two of A Kind
instead of Pocket Pairs;
but to beat down
Four of A Kind
against a Full House
he thought
he could Hold'em
back prior
to the casings
shifting in the Glocks
he knew time would
be animated ~ his cock would be
blocked

but thinking ahead
assuming he could
keep himself Straight from 1-10
to escape the madness
of degenerate gamblers
and love hustlers
in a city ruled
by corruption
and modern day
hit men,
the Joke[r]
would be
and always was
  ~ on him ~
as Three of A Kind
doesn't mean shit
on green Felt turfs
after a Royal Flush
called his bluff

and no one
has a problem
burying warm bodies
in the cold desert.

Beltane

Into the blaze of the bonfire you started
I threw all my inhibitions, willing sacrifices
to gods I didn't know I worshipped
all caution flying with the sparks into the night.

I returned to those sultry days of youth, careless and free
exuberance abounding, greasing the wheels.
We offered each other what can only be called love
in the eyes of bystanders and
acolytes of the same religion.

You fanned the flames so effortlessly
as if I had waited all my life for this raw communion
where words are superfluous
and prayers to any number of gods
and goddesses are given freely,
laced with those natural oils
that ease the way of all insertions
scented with resins and incenses,
aphrodisiac-anointed, throwing spells
and hesitation to the wind.

The memories clamor forth,
overtake and overwhelm
nearly drown me in their potency
nostrils flaring, fingers clawing
body writhing
in pagan rites of abandon
to Eros, Cupid, and Kamadeva.

We both offered our sacrifices,
the charred remains crumbling,
glowing embers riveting but unforgiving.
It is time to sacrifice again,
this time in sadness,
to the fires of May.

Seedy motel postcards & cum stained sheets
I roll up
a joint
laced with
angel's dust
to sooth the
gaping scars
in my soul
& just maybe
find god
& ask him
what the
fuck

you wipe
the cum
from your
lips
counting
the money
your "tip"
not including
the
ones
you took
from his
wallet
while
he was
calling
his wife
making
up some
lame
excuse
why he
would
be late

I
kiss you
& we
fuck
for a while
then
get dressed
& go
get
something
to eat

this is
our life
& we
are happy
to say
that we
are getting by
just fine
thank you

Please don't call it my town I just live there
I live in a town so small you can go from up-town to down-town...just by turning around ...where the newspaper is a pamphlet that comes out once a month...mostly about people who couldn't wait to get out...it's called "The Obituaries" but I know I saw Mrs. Lacey sneaking out of town real early one morning....a place where the only gun restriction is that you don't point it at your waitress.... where Andy Griffith goes to get away from it all...a town so small they still sell penny candies...you have to buy them by the dozen...and you only get four but.......where the only store sells guns & beer next to diapers & Viagra.....I remember this one time ...the whole town lost power....somebody tripped over the cord.... the mayor drives the school bus...we had a riot one time...two people went home for lunch...leaving me all alone....we had the same homecoming queen three years straight...time for a new one...if she graduates...where the closest hospital is so far away they usually just go to the cemetery...and wait....and the school is right next door....so you can see your future....a town so small you can look out your window and see who all your neighbors are doing...where everybody knows everything about everybody...unless you are new here like me...and I keep to myself....a town so small all the women's periods have synced up and for a few days a month they change the name to "Red River Valley"......someday my name is going to be on that pamphlet...one way or the other.

.:Joker Needs an Appearance Before The Water-Board:.


jacked up
somebody needs to
get smacked up
City of Flint -
America’s Chernobyl
Snyder, his state control
ain’t a thing about it noble
poisonin the water; damn what a mess
YO, free up the cash
folk want they pipes fixed
Goin on three years waitin while
hoarding budget perks
tryin to pass the buck onto
so-called experts
it’s a cryin shame the
way they do folk’s life
problems of the world, bad water
adds to strife
packaged water runs
just begin to fix the flow
a fresh start that
shows smart is Snyder
gotta go

Thanks y'all!

I’m sorry for your creation
your place in life is broken and I’m sorry
you can’t do  anything for yourself and I’m sorry
how you sit and ponder at nothing
your life completely aided by doctors and nurses
all the tests I put you into
when I get annoyed and tell you how I didn’t want you
I’m sorry
you can’t help it
I created you
birthed you
put you into this tilted world
even if I didn’t mean to conceive you
I didn’t mean to put you here
your mutant mutiny
when you would mess up
spill your cup
how I would hit you
yell scream
such a mean theme
run for the bottle as an
escape key
using all of our money to escape the thought
of having to care for you
feeling as blue as your lips
I tried to support you
I’m sorry  
your uncompleted development
represented as mistakes and errors circling
back to the definition of you
the looks and stared we would get
all of the “prayers” and “help” people offered
but you are tied to me as a rock sinking
I tried so hard for you
but you always had that smile
the one perfect composition during your development
the rest was a wreck
all the alcohol and drugs
I consumed while my life driven mistake
was being formed
the thought of abortion to end your suffering
but I will help you
wear this necklace. Thick puzzled itchy
stand on this chair. Wearing deaths scarf
I left you there
hanging
no more doctors or nurses only a grim reaper
the flipped chair under my life changing mistake
creating and reconstructing my best decision
no more mistakes
no more hitting you or locking you up
setting you free of everything
I’m sorry

Death to the white void!

The canvas of anxiety!

The questioner of true art,
The conveyer of pain!



Death to the blank page!

The holder of shame!

The false dream of art,
The stressor of perfection!



Death to the lifeless cable!

The fuzzy shame!


The painful noise,
Proof of a lack of art!

q and a


people ask questions
rightful, robust
all sorts

the most common
being what do I do
for a living
its uncomfortable
always, without
exception

as for me

two and two
equals five

and silences
are always the
loudest

and spaces
are always full

and teardrops
are heavier than
boulders

and the voices
never cease, not
even in sleep

so I tell them
the truth

that I am a
vessel, bottomless
porous and primordial

I tell them
that I writhe
and bleed on
paper, leaving
trails to strange
plateaus

I tell them
I get fulfilled
changing a scant life
to lavish fiction

I tell them
I am a writer

I make love
to words

before during after
dull siestas
in sleep

post shared glances
or sumptuous meals

post making love

to words

mere words

and, more
words

You Remind Me



You remind me of

the loneliness of waiting to cross seas
those winters when I'd sit alone
watching the ships pass

the salty aired emptiness
gulls shouting at missed opportunity
anchored to the wind waiting
on the moon for a talk

you remind me of

that day I sat crying as the snow fell
remembering the warm sands
how they kissed frothy sea foam
as I reeled in dinner from the first breaking waves
it seemed just moments before

when I discerned how my life was wrapped in that sadness
the stars witnessed my descent into hopeless
piled like a wet sacrifice atop a jagged death bed
of empty clam and oyster shells
I felt the foghorn in my heart as I sank

I thought I'd die wishing for the days
when she'd buy cigarettes and beer at the marina
and I'd check all the tackle was in order
before leaving my troubles on the horizon

you remind me of the beach
in winter

He looked into her eyes and everything faded to black.
The clock stopped ticking.
The waves stopped crashing.  
The sun stopped shining.
Their eyes stopped blinking.
Their hearts stopped beating.
Everything stopped.
In his eyes, she could do no wrong.
"Do you love me?” he asked.
For a mere second, a spark of doubt flashed in his mind.
For a mere second, the colors started to reappear.
For a mere a second, the clocks resumed ticking.
When she blinked, his heart shattered.
All of the stars in her eyes suddenly didn’t shine.
Two seconds was all it took.
All of the color drained out of him, all of the color she filled him with.
Was gone.
It was no longer the colorful illusion he had created himself.
Now he saw the world for what it really was.
Horrible and wretched.

Stephanie

               
Stephanie always had a playfulness about her, a worldliness                
I understood she knew things about life that I didn't                
she was good with the boys, she liked them and they her                
               
we were fourteen, it was summertime                
the days were cloying                
my mother freshly divorced                
decided we needed to get out of the city                
               
we went to Shaver Lake for the weekend                
me, Stephanie, my mom and hers                
two single ladies out to have a good time and their daughters                
               
we arrived there          
so beautiful was the lake and the pines                
only rivaled by Stephanie's loveliness                
it was an innocent crush              
               
walking with her mom and mine towards the bar                
we were to hang out at the playground                
them to see what trouble they could get into                
when two good looking men walked by                
my mom and hers started giggling                
saying "did you see that?"                
"what I could do with them"                
the men doing a double take as they walked by                
               
later that night my mom and hers had gone to bed                
Stephanie and I at the swings                
both of us appeared older than we were                
having blossomed early                
               
approaching us were the same men                
that we had seen earlier                
we struck up a conversation                
Stephanie with the more wild outgoing man                
me with the reserved quiet type                
               
me innocently flirting                
while Stephanie said we should meet later for a swim                
the outgoing man suggested we go skinny dipping                
blushing wildly I became scared                
though not worldly I knew what that implied                
Stephanie agreed instantly and I said alright      
       
on the way back to the cabin she planned our escape                
saying we would sneak out when they were asleep                
I was quivering inside I was still a virgin                
these weren't boys we were flirting with                
these were full grown men                
               
when the time came Stephanie nudged me to wake up                
I lay there like a rock feigning sleep                
fear of the unknown had crept in                
not wanting her to know I had never been touched by a man                
then seem uncool in her eyes                
I watched through lidded eyes as she silently crept out                
               
waking the next morning I felt shame                
at being such a coward                
wishing I had gone with Stephanie                
               
later at the lake we met up with these men                
she was greeted with friendly playfulness                
while I was silently rebuffed for not showing up                
               
I sometimes look back on it now                
knowing I'm better off not giving my cherry                
to some random guy I met at the lake                
               
I don't know what became of Stephanie                
she was as wild as the wind                
thinking on my innocent lust for her with fondness                
               
knowing things are hard now                
but then things were never easy

_Joey_

It never was 'cause mommy didn't want you
That she couldn't have babies, like others do.

Maybe God thought she needed you more than I,
Sending back for you, before I saw and smelled
And able to kiss your sweet face, damp with birth,

While nuzzling your tousled dark wisps of brown hair,
And sensing the grasping of your wee pink hands,  

As you show me how I guide you to my breast,  
And smiling, as I thrill at your awkward try.

I still feel the faint phantom presence of where
You grew, in the months that we had together.

Joey, you remember how I'd sing to you
Everywhere I'd go; to the park, to the store,

And, rocking, I'd read to you my poetry,
Of stories I'd make up, and all just for you,

And showed you, through my eyes, the littlest things:

The flowers I picked by the curb of our street;
One still had a ladybug perched on its stem,

And looking right at me as if to say "Hi!"
"It looks like your baby will come in the spring!"
Then lifting its wings she rose up and flew home.

It wasn't too long before that would be true,
But fate has a way to throw curveballs at you.

My son was called back to where death is a cloud,
And Joey's that star to the right of the moon.