Poetry competition CLOSED 17th November 2014 11:04am
WINNER
case28 (Alexander Case)
case28 (Alexander Case)
RUNNER-UP:
lepperochan
Reading List Add - What's your best?
https/deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/78369-logical-mulch-the-end-from-gods-to-self/
(P.s.: Dear LSP n moderators, hope the thread is market explicit, as this poem link, a relatively old write, above has extreme content warning. But funnily, couldnt find the warning page in my mobile view. Pls do advice if you wann to paste the whole poem)
(P.s.: Dear LSP n moderators, hope the thread is market explicit, as this poem link, a relatively old write, above has extreme content warning. But funnily, couldnt find the warning page in my mobile view. Pls do advice if you wann to paste the whole poem)
Judging ... Reading List
I reached out to over a dozen DUPers to take part in the judging of the work here. As there are a variety of voices and styles represented - I wanted the same of the judges. My primary contacts were those who are listed as "Top Critiquers" on the site hoping their time spent on DUP would give them a fair and balanced overview of the work presented.
With that said - aggregate scores for this competition are as follows:
I. Alexander Case - 25.5
II. CraicDealer ~ 15.5
III. Mikimoondancer ~ 14.2
The outstanding judges ... Harpalycus ~ JazzManor ~ Gabriel ~ Vee
Judges were only asked to comment on their first choice but many went above that - Many thanks on behalf of the writers.
The judges' scores and comments - IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER ...
Alexander Case Inertia Drive. 7
CraicDealer Just What the Doctor Ordered 6.5
Mikimoondancer I will 6
Atakti Impending 5.5
Ceejay Building Ships 5
Inertia drive: A poem of transparent anger and frustration, resulting in a death wish. The rapid tempo, short lines and sparse language give it a real sense of reckless urgency, I particularly liked the effective ‘smell of testosterone and gasoline burns rich in the cold night air’ The stanza describing the plunge into the ‘black river’ is very well done and extremely powerful. The ending, with its deliberate mirroring of the beginning, has a fine balance of shock, finality and pathos.
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1. Miss Indie...Good morning beautiful 9.5
There is such fierce emotion in this poem, the brutal language and the exasperated anger, which made me think.. did she write thinking and aiming at the intended topic or was there more of underlying issues that she didn't want to directly address?!
The brilliance of the title drawing the reader in, which turned out to be bitter sarcasm, i felt it was fantastic and she does it again at the end.
she speaks of religion or the hypocrisy of it constantly infusing the drinking/drinks as if she wanted to numb herself from failed expectations. In my opinion, this is a self poem which she did a great job with the analogies and metaphors to hide the inner personal turmoils.
And that's why she gets the number one position on my list.
I was not very thrilled with the structure or the long sentences which most would consider them to be prose like, even though she had them lined up into stanzas, punctuation could've helped also. A word in possessive form was incorrect.
Nevertheless, it's a fantastic piece but then Indie hardly ever writes anything remotely mediocre.
2. Johnrot...Burden of proof 9.3
I don't know why JR would say this is no longer one of his favorites. Every single stanza had something that i wanted to copy and paste here to show how brilliant this poem is. I love how he writes with no nonsense approach, representing the blue color, the everyday joe who is a student for life at hard knocks university. He never pretends to be something he's not.
The way he conveys the raw emotions, trying any kind of remedy to just get by for that moment. How the ones living in glass castles, they do the same, they just use name brand drugs and liquors to numb their pain.
//i've been so busy perfecting my hatred lately
that it's been difficult to schedule a relapse //
i love, love, love....these two lines, it's as if he's got so much bottled up inside that why waste putting on a band aid, let the wound bleed till it runs dry.
The structure in this poem, is the way free verse poems are truly meant to be, not like the way Indie had them, or Case had them in the other comp. And, that's why when i look at JR's poem which has very little punctuation, it does not hinder my reading, the lines with the right thoughts are grouped together perfectly, words/ small lines by themselves, are enough to make a statement.
In my book this is as good as Indie's but Indie gave me a little more of xfactor.
JR is a brilliant writer, it's an acquired taste to appreciate his writing and just as i told him in one of my comps once, it's for those who can read beyond the words.
3. Alexander Case..Inertia Drive 8.5
In this poem he uses slang english and it works really well, it's as if he was too weary from the emotional exhaustion that he didn't bother nor care to make an attempt and that's what makes it real. The story of the turmoil is depicted very well, with attention grabbing intro to the raw attitude and finally down crashing into the depths of inner thoughts.
I was glad to see that he used a looser format, letting some lines breathe, grouping other lines for a well balanced delivery. It's close to perfection without exaggerated words or feelings. Very little punctuation, but then it didn't need much, he's done a superb job with this poem.
4. Mikimoondancer..I will 8.2
Miki's poem was actually one of the top three's but after i re'read all of them couple more times, i concluded that the first part of the poem read like a list and the lines trailed without any structure even though overall subject, conveyance, feelings, emotions were exceptionally beautiful but everything in a poem need to have some balance to pull all together uniformly.
She's an amazing writer who just bleeds her words however it streams and i love how she does not use exaggerated language. Again, not much punctuation but the bottom half didn't need anything more than she had used, the structure (bottom half) was perfect.
5. Miss G..Word Fetish 8
Half way reading this work, i exclaimed 'wow', it had the effect of mind orgasm as the poem's theme. It's witty, snappy, concise with the perfect rhythm and flow..i truly was blown away how good it was and a fun read. I don't think i've enjoyed reading a 'smart' poem like hers in a long time.
I reached out to over a dozen DUPers to take part in the judging of the work here. As there are a variety of voices and styles represented - I wanted the same of the judges. My primary contacts were those who are listed as "Top Critiquers" on the site hoping their time spent on DUP would give them a fair and balanced overview of the work presented.
With that said - aggregate scores for this competition are as follows:
I. Alexander Case - 25.5
II. CraicDealer ~ 15.5
III. Mikimoondancer ~ 14.2
The outstanding judges ... Harpalycus ~ JazzManor ~ Gabriel ~ Vee
Judges were only asked to comment on their first choice but many went above that - Many thanks on behalf of the writers.
The judges' scores and comments - IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER ...
Alexander Case Inertia Drive. 7
CraicDealer Just What the Doctor Ordered 6.5
Mikimoondancer I will 6
Atakti Impending 5.5
Ceejay Building Ships 5
Inertia drive: A poem of transparent anger and frustration, resulting in a death wish. The rapid tempo, short lines and sparse language give it a real sense of reckless urgency, I particularly liked the effective ‘smell of testosterone and gasoline burns rich in the cold night air’ The stanza describing the plunge into the ‘black river’ is very well done and extremely powerful. The ending, with its deliberate mirroring of the beginning, has a fine balance of shock, finality and pathos.
------------------------------------
1. Miss Indie...Good morning beautiful 9.5
There is such fierce emotion in this poem, the brutal language and the exasperated anger, which made me think.. did she write thinking and aiming at the intended topic or was there more of underlying issues that she didn't want to directly address?!
The brilliance of the title drawing the reader in, which turned out to be bitter sarcasm, i felt it was fantastic and she does it again at the end.
she speaks of religion or the hypocrisy of it constantly infusing the drinking/drinks as if she wanted to numb herself from failed expectations. In my opinion, this is a self poem which she did a great job with the analogies and metaphors to hide the inner personal turmoils.
And that's why she gets the number one position on my list.
I was not very thrilled with the structure or the long sentences which most would consider them to be prose like, even though she had them lined up into stanzas, punctuation could've helped also. A word in possessive form was incorrect.
Nevertheless, it's a fantastic piece but then Indie hardly ever writes anything remotely mediocre.
2. Johnrot...Burden of proof 9.3
I don't know why JR would say this is no longer one of his favorites. Every single stanza had something that i wanted to copy and paste here to show how brilliant this poem is. I love how he writes with no nonsense approach, representing the blue color, the everyday joe who is a student for life at hard knocks university. He never pretends to be something he's not.
The way he conveys the raw emotions, trying any kind of remedy to just get by for that moment. How the ones living in glass castles, they do the same, they just use name brand drugs and liquors to numb their pain.
//i've been so busy perfecting my hatred lately
that it's been difficult to schedule a relapse //
i love, love, love....these two lines, it's as if he's got so much bottled up inside that why waste putting on a band aid, let the wound bleed till it runs dry.
The structure in this poem, is the way free verse poems are truly meant to be, not like the way Indie had them, or Case had them in the other comp. And, that's why when i look at JR's poem which has very little punctuation, it does not hinder my reading, the lines with the right thoughts are grouped together perfectly, words/ small lines by themselves, are enough to make a statement.
In my book this is as good as Indie's but Indie gave me a little more of xfactor.
JR is a brilliant writer, it's an acquired taste to appreciate his writing and just as i told him in one of my comps once, it's for those who can read beyond the words.
3. Alexander Case..Inertia Drive 8.5
In this poem he uses slang english and it works really well, it's as if he was too weary from the emotional exhaustion that he didn't bother nor care to make an attempt and that's what makes it real. The story of the turmoil is depicted very well, with attention grabbing intro to the raw attitude and finally down crashing into the depths of inner thoughts.
I was glad to see that he used a looser format, letting some lines breathe, grouping other lines for a well balanced delivery. It's close to perfection without exaggerated words or feelings. Very little punctuation, but then it didn't need much, he's done a superb job with this poem.
4. Mikimoondancer..I will 8.2
Miki's poem was actually one of the top three's but after i re'read all of them couple more times, i concluded that the first part of the poem read like a list and the lines trailed without any structure even though overall subject, conveyance, feelings, emotions were exceptionally beautiful but everything in a poem need to have some balance to pull all together uniformly.
She's an amazing writer who just bleeds her words however it streams and i love how she does not use exaggerated language. Again, not much punctuation but the bottom half didn't need anything more than she had used, the structure (bottom half) was perfect.
5. Miss G..Word Fetish 8
Half way reading this work, i exclaimed 'wow', it had the effect of mind orgasm as the poem's theme. It's witty, snappy, concise with the perfect rhythm and flow..i truly was blown away how good it was and a fun read. I don't think i've enjoyed reading a 'smart' poem like hers in a long time.
1. Case: Inertia Drive 10.0 / Top Passionate, Flowing, Sexy And Fun To Read!
2. CraicDealer: 9.0 / Very Honest Deep Ink With Artfully Articulate Words
3. Miss G.: Word Fetish 9.0 / Super Hot Sexy Composition. Cunningly Sketched! Awesome Wording And Rhyme
4. Darker Half: He Drew Too 8.0 Amazing Subject Captured So Playfully And In A Sexy Dramatic Romantic Way Loved It!
5. Magdalena: Inclinations 8.0 / Flowing Lines With Exquisite Wordplay. Love Her Cooking With Words!
-------------------------------------
More than anything I hope both writers and judges discovered some new ink to subscribe to, this place is a treasure chest.
Up next: With over 7 feet (2+ meters) of snow in Buffalo, New York (I lived there for two years) ... Their are many in that area who are gonna be trapped inside for days ... I'm thinking an erotica competition would be good to aide in the coming baby boom next August and September.
2. CraicDealer: 9.0 / Very Honest Deep Ink With Artfully Articulate Words
3. Miss G.: Word Fetish 9.0 / Super Hot Sexy Composition. Cunningly Sketched! Awesome Wording And Rhyme
4. Darker Half: He Drew Too 8.0 Amazing Subject Captured So Playfully And In A Sexy Dramatic Romantic Way Loved It!
5. Magdalena: Inclinations 8.0 / Flowing Lines With Exquisite Wordplay. Love Her Cooking With Words!
-------------------------------------
More than anything I hope both writers and judges discovered some new ink to subscribe to, this place is a treasure chest.
Up next: With over 7 feet (2+ meters) of snow in Buffalo, New York (I lived there for two years) ... Their are many in that area who are gonna be trapped inside for days ... I'm thinking an erotica competition would be good to aide in the coming baby boom next August and September.
Anonymous
Thank you Lobo and guest judges for taking the time. Congrats to Mr.Case and Craic as well.
Cool comp, LSP. It was great reading the entries and judges comments on all the poets. Congrats to the runners up Craic, miki and also well done to Indie, Atakti and JR with your solid entries. Special thanks to the judges.
http://www.fieldeye.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/BogartMonroe-500x400.jpg
Judges at the after party ... Harpalycus (center) is the man. PoetSpeak you shoulda come buddy ... I sent you the invite.
Judges at the after party ... Harpalycus (center) is the man. PoetSpeak you shoulda come buddy ... I sent you the invite.
Well, I know I have Inertia Drive on my reading list - congrats, Case! [Insert head-swelling swipe here - I'm busy today, gimme break.]
Craic, miki, well done - both poems from that sacred space.
Thanks for another great comp, Lobo, and to the judges for scoring and commenting.
Craic, miki, well done - both poems from that sacred space.
Thanks for another great comp, Lobo, and to the judges for scoring and commenting.
