Poetry competition CLOSED 19th September 2012 3:35am
WINNER
milkysensation
milkysensation
RUNNER-UP:
Kou_Indigo
Page:
My Tragic Life
- Fallen Angel Rising -
Too long abused, too long cast aside to be oppressed!
I knew a dire servitude for those who never loved me…
Slavery to a god who made me broken and distressed;
As bitter as my bondage to family never willing to see:
The beauty within me, that they called alien and strange.
How they shall come to rue the day they mocked this…
For ages pass and even the wickedest times can change!
I will reign above those who despised me, in a true bliss.
Too many tears fallen, too much of my blood shed red,
Crimson flowing from the blade drawn across my ribs!
Many were the hands that wounded me, and I was led,
To long for death like a lover, until strained were wits…
And pained was flesh until in agony, I cried for justice!
But no god heard my plea so a savior I had to become.
For that they called me fallen, naming me blasphemous,
Yet I will rise from the darkness, and I shall overcome!
I have no family any longer, needing no cruel deceivers.
No god do I bow before, for I wish not a broken back,
From the burdens of a deity that kills its’ own believers.
I am now one with the darkness; my wings are so black,
That night, itself, is brighter and far more able to forgive.
I seek not peace with those who have chosen but strife!
So many tried to kill me, and to spite them I still do live.
They could not slay me even with sword and with knife!
When angels fell, blazing and shrieking, I would not die.
My fall changed me, empowered me, made me brighter,
For my body was the vessel of a goddess so very high…
Nobler than false gods’ lies; her wings made me lighter!
No human can see this now, but it is there deep within…
The same fire that made me able to ascend even thence.
They tried to shatter my pride and told me it was a sin…
False gods started this war, and so it had to commence!
Mara, Maya, Ariel, and other names I wore and bore…
They are still mine, for I am that same being I ever was!
First of the fallen: who for love and divine wrath swore…
That never again would I bow to tyranny, and live thus,
Enslaved to sadistic masters, who seek souls to control.
Men form religions to continue to entrap more in a web,
Which I have freed myself from with an illuminated soul.
Even as I perished and rose once again from the dead,
Indwelt, by she who made my glory stronger than ever!
Alone amongst my brothers, sisters, and children of old,
I remember all that came before, as time cannot sever…
The ties that bind me to my destiny, as I do face it bold!
Abandoned by a paradise built at the cost of freedom…
I do not look back, because I know that I must endure.
There is no welcome for me in the false divine kingdom,
So I shall: raise up my own, upon a sweet silvery shore!
Too long abused, too long cast aside to be oppressed!
I knew a dire servitude for those who never loved me…
Slavery to a god who made me broken and distressed;
As bitter as my bondage to family never willing to see:
The beauty within me, that they called alien and strange.
How they shall come to rue the day they mocked this…
For ages pass and even the wickedest times can change!
I will reign above those who despised me, in a true bliss.
Too many tears fallen, too much of my blood shed red,
Crimson flowing from the blade drawn across my ribs!
Many were the hands that wounded me, and I was led,
To long for death like a lover, until strained were wits…
And pained was flesh until in agony, I cried for justice!
But no god heard my plea so a savior I had to become.
For that they called me fallen, naming me blasphemous,
Yet I will rise from the darkness, and I shall overcome!
I have no family any longer, needing no cruel deceivers.
No god do I bow before, for I wish not a broken back,
From the burdens of a deity that kills its’ own believers.
I am now one with the darkness; my wings are so black,
That night, itself, is brighter and far more able to forgive.
I seek not peace with those who have chosen but strife!
So many tried to kill me, and to spite them I still do live.
They could not slay me even with sword and with knife!
When angels fell, blazing and shrieking, I would not die.
My fall changed me, empowered me, made me brighter,
For my body was the vessel of a goddess so very high…
Nobler than false gods’ lies; her wings made me lighter!
No human can see this now, but it is there deep within…
The same fire that made me able to ascend even thence.
They tried to shatter my pride and told me it was a sin…
False gods started this war, and so it had to commence!
Mara, Maya, Ariel, and other names I wore and bore…
They are still mine, for I am that same being I ever was!
First of the fallen: who for love and divine wrath swore…
That never again would I bow to tyranny, and live thus,
Enslaved to sadistic masters, who seek souls to control.
Men form religions to continue to entrap more in a web,
Which I have freed myself from with an illuminated soul.
Even as I perished and rose once again from the dead,
Indwelt, by she who made my glory stronger than ever!
Alone amongst my brothers, sisters, and children of old,
I remember all that came before, as time cannot sever…
The ties that bind me to my destiny, as I do face it bold!
Abandoned by a paradise built at the cost of freedom…
I do not look back, because I know that I must endure.
There is no welcome for me in the false divine kingdom,
So I shall: raise up my own, upon a sweet silvery shore!
I have two more I can share. This is the second one:
- Three Lives, One Soul -
Part I – Paradise Lost (The Past)
When the dawn of time was still fresh in the memory,
Of gods, and angels; those who were yet not fallen…
I, in exile dwelt, in a loneliness craving love’s divinity.
But in this I grew jealous, and my pride was swollen!
War in the heavens, betwixt kindred long sundered…
The deaths of worlds, and the rebuilding of old ways,
Paradise rising from perdition, as powers thundered!
All humbled in the end before the first terrestrial days.
Oh where had gone my dream of love, amidst flame?
I was blinded by arrogance, trapped in my own web,
Forced to become mortal, to know death and shame.
Cast adrift by the fates, upon tides that flow and ebb!
The fall of old civilizations, and the rise of the nations,
All spread before me, and amongst it I was a-swim…
Living and loving, only to lose the reason for elations!
How many lifetimes had I lived and would live again?
Part II – Paradise Interrupted (The Present)
Born in the flesh of man, a woman in soul and nature,
This was I, in the hour of my birth into this very age!
Judged by the faith of my family, and made insecure,
Until my heart was heavy and my mind full of rage…
Trained, drained, by those in power who controlled.
I broke away, and by an angel was shown secrets…
And, for a time, I felt my spirit reborn and consoled.
I walked in darkness, then in light, without regrets…
Leaving the past behind me, embracing the feminine.
I became as I am now, though I am so much more,
Than what others see and anything they can imagine.
Once, I was a shy boy, and then a wanton whore…
But I am so much more: a lady, angel, and goddess.
Now I seek love, and to forget the pains long past,
And so I here share my soul, and my heart, confess.
Even thus, you cannot know the torments that last!
Part III – Paradise Regained (The Future)
What can there be, for one already called damned?
Kindred of light and darkness; wanton and weary…
Yet so: unable to rest as I obey an older command.
I must dance amidst the fires, until all grows bleary!
Like Shiva, like Kali, my dance shall be beautiful…
And in passion I will be consumed, with this world.
Beyond the final days, into a paradise so bountiful,
That is where love takes a lover into arms whirled!
I know not who shall love me, only that she shall…
For the man I was, for the woman I am and will be.
Gone is the angel who rebelled and then thus fell…
I wear a new face and form, for all mankind to see.
The fires humble me, and yet cannot take my light!
I am still a goddess, and the woman I am is eternal.
Love me in the darkness; be welcome in the night!
If Heaven rejects me, I must embrace the infernal.
- Three Lives, One Soul -
Part I – Paradise Lost (The Past)
When the dawn of time was still fresh in the memory,
Of gods, and angels; those who were yet not fallen…
I, in exile dwelt, in a loneliness craving love’s divinity.
But in this I grew jealous, and my pride was swollen!
War in the heavens, betwixt kindred long sundered…
The deaths of worlds, and the rebuilding of old ways,
Paradise rising from perdition, as powers thundered!
All humbled in the end before the first terrestrial days.
Oh where had gone my dream of love, amidst flame?
I was blinded by arrogance, trapped in my own web,
Forced to become mortal, to know death and shame.
Cast adrift by the fates, upon tides that flow and ebb!
The fall of old civilizations, and the rise of the nations,
All spread before me, and amongst it I was a-swim…
Living and loving, only to lose the reason for elations!
How many lifetimes had I lived and would live again?
Part II – Paradise Interrupted (The Present)
Born in the flesh of man, a woman in soul and nature,
This was I, in the hour of my birth into this very age!
Judged by the faith of my family, and made insecure,
Until my heart was heavy and my mind full of rage…
Trained, drained, by those in power who controlled.
I broke away, and by an angel was shown secrets…
And, for a time, I felt my spirit reborn and consoled.
I walked in darkness, then in light, without regrets…
Leaving the past behind me, embracing the feminine.
I became as I am now, though I am so much more,
Than what others see and anything they can imagine.
Once, I was a shy boy, and then a wanton whore…
But I am so much more: a lady, angel, and goddess.
Now I seek love, and to forget the pains long past,
And so I here share my soul, and my heart, confess.
Even thus, you cannot know the torments that last!
Part III – Paradise Regained (The Future)
What can there be, for one already called damned?
Kindred of light and darkness; wanton and weary…
Yet so: unable to rest as I obey an older command.
I must dance amidst the fires, until all grows bleary!
Like Shiva, like Kali, my dance shall be beautiful…
And in passion I will be consumed, with this world.
Beyond the final days, into a paradise so bountiful,
That is where love takes a lover into arms whirled!
I know not who shall love me, only that she shall…
For the man I was, for the woman I am and will be.
Gone is the angel who rebelled and then thus fell…
I wear a new face and form, for all mankind to see.
The fires humble me, and yet cannot take my light!
I am still a goddess, and the woman I am is eternal.
Love me in the darkness; be welcome in the night!
If Heaven rejects me, I must embrace the infernal.
Here, as promised is the third of these poems:
- Love’s Rebel -
Written on March 22nd, 2012, on My Birthday
My mother was a Leo; and so, from that lion my birth.
Aries is my sign and so the horns of the ram’s worth…
Mimic the crescent moon, the crown that sits celestial.
Was not my crown on high, no less sublimely surreal?
A crown of glory waits for everyone if they are kind…
And selfless to others: so that not a heart is left behind.
Not one soul is created perfect, yet perfect love can be!
Let me tell you what loving words were given unto me,
Inspired in my heart by a force some might call divine.
For when angels whisper, one should give them time…
To share the message, that is theirs alone to so bestow.
Hear now what I come to share, in words that do flow!
This year on my birthday, three baby doves so white…
Flew under my arm, and then up to a very great height,
Into the trees around my garden and thence I know not.
That sign was delivered unto me, from divine thought!
For there is neither coincidence, nor accident planned…
By the angels that bring miracles: so close, to our hand.
And by certain signs and wonders, one can oft behold,
Good omens of such glories, so very long ago foretold!
That one such occurrence marked the day I was born…
Made me smile, thinking deeply and without any scorn.
There is purpose in every life; mine too was destined…
And when the angels whispered, my ears ever listened.
I am the rebel who stands beneath the darkening sky…
Whilst a thousand angels wait to hear my sharpest cry!
Do they wait to sing, or to condemn my ancient cause?
I think they wait for my choice, and thus their pause…
Will I choose darkness, or will I cast my lot with light?
I am of my own creation, and I have such a keen sight!
But I cannot see where my path shall end, so I walk on.
Do I walk alone or are there angels at my side beyond?
Who can hear my prayers when I offer them in silence!
I know not; only that within me is liberty given license,
To create beauty and all the things that beauty inspires.
I shall fill the void with passion, and therein it’s fires…
So that stars shall pale, before the new law that I bring.
Love is the law, and before it death loses its’ hot sting!
Breath fades and the world passes, but love continues.
I would slay hatred itself, until a true paradise ensues,
Not of some distant heaven but in this world and hour.
Lend an ear to my word, and let this grant you power!
My hands are willing to build such lasting foundation,
As can only be begotten of the crucible of compassion.
Therein is hatred burned away, leaving love to remain,
So that innocence returns, and gone is the past’s pain!
The natural state of the soul, its’ preexisting condition,
Is no less pure than so awaits us, freed from: perdition.
Let me free you, let me whisper in your ear as a friend;
I love you, if you love others as selflessly without end.
Only hatred do I despise, the sin unpardonable by all…
Did you not know I would speak thus, and to you call?
Time is a cycle, and my thread is one none can sever…
I am here, and I am there; I was and I shall be forever.
Look within your heart, and there my words sing loud,
My voice feminine and masculine, humble yet proud…
I wait within you, at that door where you might knock.
It is unbarred, having neither sturdy bolt nor iron lock!
My hand pens these words, which flow from my heart.
I give them unto you; and now, you must do your part.
- Love’s Rebel -
Written on March 22nd, 2012, on My Birthday
My mother was a Leo; and so, from that lion my birth.
Aries is my sign and so the horns of the ram’s worth…
Mimic the crescent moon, the crown that sits celestial.
Was not my crown on high, no less sublimely surreal?
A crown of glory waits for everyone if they are kind…
And selfless to others: so that not a heart is left behind.
Not one soul is created perfect, yet perfect love can be!
Let me tell you what loving words were given unto me,
Inspired in my heart by a force some might call divine.
For when angels whisper, one should give them time…
To share the message, that is theirs alone to so bestow.
Hear now what I come to share, in words that do flow!
This year on my birthday, three baby doves so white…
Flew under my arm, and then up to a very great height,
Into the trees around my garden and thence I know not.
That sign was delivered unto me, from divine thought!
For there is neither coincidence, nor accident planned…
By the angels that bring miracles: so close, to our hand.
And by certain signs and wonders, one can oft behold,
Good omens of such glories, so very long ago foretold!
That one such occurrence marked the day I was born…
Made me smile, thinking deeply and without any scorn.
There is purpose in every life; mine too was destined…
And when the angels whispered, my ears ever listened.
I am the rebel who stands beneath the darkening sky…
Whilst a thousand angels wait to hear my sharpest cry!
Do they wait to sing, or to condemn my ancient cause?
I think they wait for my choice, and thus their pause…
Will I choose darkness, or will I cast my lot with light?
I am of my own creation, and I have such a keen sight!
But I cannot see where my path shall end, so I walk on.
Do I walk alone or are there angels at my side beyond?
Who can hear my prayers when I offer them in silence!
I know not; only that within me is liberty given license,
To create beauty and all the things that beauty inspires.
I shall fill the void with passion, and therein it’s fires…
So that stars shall pale, before the new law that I bring.
Love is the law, and before it death loses its’ hot sting!
Breath fades and the world passes, but love continues.
I would slay hatred itself, until a true paradise ensues,
Not of some distant heaven but in this world and hour.
Lend an ear to my word, and let this grant you power!
My hands are willing to build such lasting foundation,
As can only be begotten of the crucible of compassion.
Therein is hatred burned away, leaving love to remain,
So that innocence returns, and gone is the past’s pain!
The natural state of the soul, its’ preexisting condition,
Is no less pure than so awaits us, freed from: perdition.
Let me free you, let me whisper in your ear as a friend;
I love you, if you love others as selflessly without end.
Only hatred do I despise, the sin unpardonable by all…
Did you not know I would speak thus, and to you call?
Time is a cycle, and my thread is one none can sever…
I am here, and I am there; I was and I shall be forever.
Look within your heart, and there my words sing loud,
My voice feminine and masculine, humble yet proud…
I wait within you, at that door where you might knock.
It is unbarred, having neither sturdy bolt nor iron lock!
My hand pens these words, which flow from my heart.
I give them unto you; and now, you must do your part.
Thanks For My PTSD
You fucking child predator
These scars I now foster
In the military I was proud
You were my Seargent
What you did was not allowed
How could you take advantage
You are such a fucking savage
I am now dealing with the life long damage
Sixteen years later and PTSD
Your fun little assualt has made me angry
I bet you didn't know how much hate I would stow
You fucked up my life
My decisions were poor
I couldn't fight the nightmares
Or horrific visions
The Air Force didn't protect me
From the predator overseas
I tried to go home
Get the fuck out of Germany
This eighteen year old child just wanted her mommy
She cried for her baby
There was nothing she could do
With ten thousand miles between us
She wanted to casturate you
You lied through your ugly teeth
My sword I would like to unsheath
And cut your throat like a sheep
Send your ugly ass to the devil to sleep
The slap on your wrist
Those assholes didn't even persist
They hushed me up and let you reenlist
You dirty old man
I didn't want your dick near my hand
I was an unsuspecting Airman
Living in a foreign land
All I have left are post traumatic visions
Do you have any idea
How hard it is to forget about the villains?
It wasn't just you
My 1st Seargent let me down too
A part of the secrets
The Military hides in the closets
I wanted to serve my country
Protect every boundary
My term carried on in these foreign lands
I found pleasure in loading the bombs
That would blow up the sands
I served with much pride
Kept it bottled up inside
Now my wounds are reopened
It's time for them to heal
I hope you burn in hell
For all you did steal
A warning to all
Who send their daughters to fight
You never know what's lurking
He sits in plain sight
They'll sweep it under the rug
They're shoulders they will shrug
It must be her fault
For not screaming hault
They won't see a bruise
Critisize her values
Make her feel guilty
And call her a flooze
Come to find out
I wasn't the only one
There were two others
Who suffered his bludgeon
They would not speak
For they were too weak
They saw how I was treated
And knew it would be repeated
Their lives were damaged
I wonder how they have managed
My only reward
From this trip I endured
Is a monthly check
To hide that I'm a wreck
This PTSD
Is not only caused by war
It was a 42 year old man
Who preyed on a child of 18 years
Nothing to stop him
He wanted to explore
My world fell apart
He destroyed my sweet heart
Now I am feeling strong
I did nothing wrong
For I cannot not judge
But still hold a grudge
My pill bottles are empty
But these feelings still plenty
For you are no man
Have fun with Satan
I look at my kids
And it angers me more
Don't look at them whore
Momma' bear will roar
I'll slay your old ass
And settle the score
This affects their lives too
Mommy covers them like glue
My fears take over
Like crimson and clover
For they will never discover
The world outside their backyard
My boys are bestfriends
Their innocence I will guard
My husband he suffers
The mood swings of mine
There are no buffers
He wants me entirely
But I can't give him
What I can't find inside of me
God will decide
Whether to let the scumbag inside
Or deny his glorious kingdom
Seeing his poisonous venom
I hope he likes hell
The devil will rape him so well
He'll casturate his pride
This old man can't hide
If you want to support this and protect your women in the military
Check out The Invisible War movie on YouTube. Thanks all for the read.
You fucking child predator
These scars I now foster
In the military I was proud
You were my Seargent
What you did was not allowed
How could you take advantage
You are such a fucking savage
I am now dealing with the life long damage
Sixteen years later and PTSD
Your fun little assualt has made me angry
I bet you didn't know how much hate I would stow
You fucked up my life
My decisions were poor
I couldn't fight the nightmares
Or horrific visions
The Air Force didn't protect me
From the predator overseas
I tried to go home
Get the fuck out of Germany
This eighteen year old child just wanted her mommy
She cried for her baby
There was nothing she could do
With ten thousand miles between us
She wanted to casturate you
You lied through your ugly teeth
My sword I would like to unsheath
And cut your throat like a sheep
Send your ugly ass to the devil to sleep
The slap on your wrist
Those assholes didn't even persist
They hushed me up and let you reenlist
You dirty old man
I didn't want your dick near my hand
I was an unsuspecting Airman
Living in a foreign land
All I have left are post traumatic visions
Do you have any idea
How hard it is to forget about the villains?
It wasn't just you
My 1st Seargent let me down too
A part of the secrets
The Military hides in the closets
I wanted to serve my country
Protect every boundary
My term carried on in these foreign lands
I found pleasure in loading the bombs
That would blow up the sands
I served with much pride
Kept it bottled up inside
Now my wounds are reopened
It's time for them to heal
I hope you burn in hell
For all you did steal
A warning to all
Who send their daughters to fight
You never know what's lurking
He sits in plain sight
They'll sweep it under the rug
They're shoulders they will shrug
It must be her fault
For not screaming hault
They won't see a bruise
Critisize her values
Make her feel guilty
And call her a flooze
Come to find out
I wasn't the only one
There were two others
Who suffered his bludgeon
They would not speak
For they were too weak
They saw how I was treated
And knew it would be repeated
Their lives were damaged
I wonder how they have managed
My only reward
From this trip I endured
Is a monthly check
To hide that I'm a wreck
This PTSD
Is not only caused by war
It was a 42 year old man
Who preyed on a child of 18 years
Nothing to stop him
He wanted to explore
My world fell apart
He destroyed my sweet heart
Now I am feeling strong
I did nothing wrong
For I cannot not judge
But still hold a grudge
My pill bottles are empty
But these feelings still plenty
For you are no man
Have fun with Satan
I look at my kids
And it angers me more
Don't look at them whore
Momma' bear will roar
I'll slay your old ass
And settle the score
This affects their lives too
Mommy covers them like glue
My fears take over
Like crimson and clover
For they will never discover
The world outside their backyard
My boys are bestfriends
Their innocence I will guard
My husband he suffers
The mood swings of mine
There are no buffers
He wants me entirely
But I can't give him
What I can't find inside of me
God will decide
Whether to let the scumbag inside
Or deny his glorious kingdom
Seeing his poisonous venom
I hope he likes hell
The devil will rape him so well
He'll casturate his pride
This old man can't hide
If you want to support this and protect your women in the military
Check out The Invisible War movie on YouTube. Thanks all for the read.
Anonymous
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MY TRAGIC LIFE
My mother got pregnant
My father had to marry her
Because the abortion did not work
Then put in childcare
From day one
Nearly died by third month
Then raised by people
Crazed by war and abuse
Too old to be parents
For me they had only one use
Old age insurance
Who could blame them
Relatives dispersed
All over the world
Lonely all my life
No fun at all
We sit in mourning
For all who did fall
No circuses, no fun rides
No fancy dresses
No self-pride
Reserved
Repressed
On a leash
Keep phoning home
Parents go crazy
If I am one minute late
They see the death camps
They see the angel
With his dark wings
My parents saw
Too many things.
MY TRAGIC LIFE
My mother got pregnant
My father had to marry her
Because the abortion did not work
Then put in childcare
From day one
Nearly died by third month
Then raised by people
Crazed by war and abuse
Too old to be parents
For me they had only one use
Old age insurance
Who could blame them
Relatives dispersed
All over the world
Lonely all my life
No fun at all
We sit in mourning
For all who did fall
No circuses, no fun rides
No fancy dresses
No self-pride
Reserved
Repressed
On a leash
Keep phoning home
Parents go crazy
If I am one minute late
They see the death camps
They see the angel
With his dark wings
My parents saw
Too many things.
Just my luck
Born the fifth, a daughter
in a family of five daughters
Unloved uncared
They wanted a boy
Sick of little girls
They yearned for a son
Two sisters died
Now left us three
They still could not see
The pretty little me
Trying to be tough
And be a little lad
I went to school
Learned my ABC
Preyed on by a bully
Who was a sissy
I punched him one day
and earned detention
Grew up and went to work
Got a boss who think he was hot
Got felt up under my skirt
Kicked him hard on his nuts
Lost my job the very next day
I wished I was a man that day
Met a man whom I thought was hot
Burnt me up in lustful fever
Made me lost my babies too
Did not want a third wheel
His heat comforted a best friend too
Found them in bed playing looby-loo
Now alone I think again
Of my silly tragic life
I am glad I am still sane
Although I talk to a bird sometimes
And laugh at knock knock jokes
But I am here all the same.
Born the fifth, a daughter
in a family of five daughters
Unloved uncared
They wanted a boy
Sick of little girls
They yearned for a son
Two sisters died
Now left us three
They still could not see
The pretty little me
Trying to be tough
And be a little lad
I went to school
Learned my ABC
Preyed on by a bully
Who was a sissy
I punched him one day
and earned detention
Grew up and went to work
Got a boss who think he was hot
Got felt up under my skirt
Kicked him hard on his nuts
Lost my job the very next day
I wished I was a man that day
Met a man whom I thought was hot
Burnt me up in lustful fever
Made me lost my babies too
Did not want a third wheel
His heat comforted a best friend too
Found them in bed playing looby-loo
Now alone I think again
Of my silly tragic life
I am glad I am still sane
Although I talk to a bird sometimes
And laugh at knock knock jokes
But I am here all the same.
Anonymous
A life in words
I never knew my father
was told he was an ass
Until I was eleven
thought another was my dad
The day I learned the truth
I was shaken to the core
he was temporary-
I never saw him anymore
I moved far away
left all I knew and loved
A new dad and country
Never told-just shoved
I stopped running track
as I had no inhaler
I tried to explain it
but they called me a faker
Classes made my head hurt
Doc said It was my vision
They said I conned the test
That pretense was my mission
That place was hell on earth
Til at last I made a friend
Came home from school one day
and it was time to move again
Once again we landed
another school, another place
Life at home unbearable
I became a runaway
No-one ever asked me
why the streets-
so cold and dark
kept me hanging on-
and sleeping in the park
Everyone who listened
to the ones who blamed just me-
said I needed beaten
A rotten child indeed
Again the cops returned me
My windows were nailed shut
Although I was a virgin
they said I was a slut
My friends could see the problem
but had nothing they could give
I started believing that
I wasn't meant to live
Being who I am
I found another way
At age fourteen, I married
just to get away
By fifteen I was pregnant
My husband took up drugs
Preferring to hang out
with criminals and thugs
At sixteen, had my baby
and moved to Birmingham
Thought I found support
but it was another scam
Was kidnapped by their cult
thought I'd never get away
They stole my time and freedom
had me working for no pay
An angel disguised as a woman
saw me crying in a hall
Grabbed my little baby
and said, let's run-
come on...
I took a train back to that prison
I had nowhere else to go
Forget yourself-I thought
This baby needs a home
This time it was worse
and I had to leave again
Moved one thousand miles
and got help from a friend
That too soon feel apart
once she found a man
Having me around
was no longer a good plan
By then, I had a car
a job, was seventeen
I packed and drove away
just my boy and me
I headed for the Smokies
left the Rockies far behind
Got to Tennessee-
found a job and home this time
Working hard, yet starving
Owed more than I made
Couldn't even eat right
on the days when I got paid
Babies are expensive
but I gave him all I had
No-one on my side
and still no help from dad
I then moved to Carolina
this time with a plan
Lived in a homeless shelter
found a home for us at last
I could not pay a sitter
so I took up child care
At least I was at home
My baby had me there
The day he started school
I cried all day and night
But this was opportunity
to make it all alright
Those five years before
I had always loved to read
I studied all I could
Because the library was free
I applied to university
was accepted right away
Life was always hard
but I knew all that would change
Years came and went
There were times I thought I'd die
But looking at that little boy
kept my hope and dream alive
I studied hard and worked
yet still was first a mother
We sang and danced at night
At least we had each other
On the day I graduated
as I walked for my degree
My son's shining pride
was all that I could see
Anonymous
"Miraculous Miracles, Carriers of a Disease Called Birth"
http://cdn.blogs.babble.com/being-pregnant/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/newborn1.jpg
Miraculous miracles, infected.
Diseased, all of us.
Proletariat.
Bourgeois.
Don’t tell me your
hard luck story.
I got one of my own.
Non-viral, non-bacterial,
Really, it’s immaterial.
Not some genetic mutation.
Or, a winged insect spread airborne.
Should’ve been stillborn.
Storks? Immature stupid dorks.
Not entered in by cuts or slices.
Perhaps, my vices?
Transmission varies.
Casual, wham-bam-thank-you-mam,
planned, and neglected.
We are all affected.
Codes of DNA, RNA, chromosomes
and more. Momma should’ve
closed the door, she knew the score,
and wanted sex more.
Rites of passage. By design.
Rape and fury, incest a bit scary.
Drunken stupor and party bloopers.
Drug-induced haze, even in a maze.
Fore-fathered traditions, cultural classes.
It’s for the masses.
Pre-arranged, a bit deranged.
Bring in the rings.
Bands of religious unity.
Symbols of true love.
Ordained by Gods and collared demagogues,
who speak poetically, as if in a trance,
of love and marriage.
Perfect, just perfect.
Mommy dearest was such a provider,
adulteress, too.
I still wonder what was deep inside her.
She was a deceiver and a receiver
of the cyto-plasmic, primordial, warm ooze that
seeped inside her, donated by sperm donor, Dad.
Papa dearest was verbal and physical destroyer of infant souls,
who was asleep after giving momma a thrill.
Shit man, she was not even on the pill.
I was banked before he snored. Dumb kids.
Nine month fermentation,me, oldest son of
the dream or a quick fuck. Just my luck.
I swore I was an alien spawn, birthed to be
their pawn. All day, all night.
It was a terrible fright.
Who’s complaining here?
Apple of whose eye?
I was real human before the
disease set in.
Progression into voids of pain
and hurt.
Stay tuned, it gets better.
Fruit pies and baseball, football, too.
Little pink houses and white picket fences, all in a row.
How did Mellencamp really know?
Peanut butter and jelly never tasted so good.
Jar was packaged nicely on the outside, but from
the inside looking out, it was cracked.
I was trapped with other dumbfounded siblings,
fellow carriers of the disease birth.
Fear dispensed daily for the cure.
Mind-control warped, dulled my senses.
Swift kicks in my behind.
They were making me just fine.
Weren't they?
Or, was it sadism
with love.
Maschochistic tendencies
came on early, stayed a while,
enjoyed their company.
Do this. Do that.
Eat your peas, Johnny.
Make the best grades, Johnny.
Brush your fucking teeth, Johnny.
Jump higher, run faster Johnny.
What till I tell your father, Johnny.
But, she’s your mother, listen, Johnny.
Christ, I was crazy before was I was born,
My loving parents, dumb kids, infected me more.
I drowned in my beer and Everclear.
Fighting gave away my pain to others.
Found out My britches weren't so big,
have the scars to prove it.
Other methods formed.
I found solace in
dark places
with written word.
My portals into pain
relief.
Fanatical demeanor,
fantastical
story-teller mojo,
suicidal tendencies.
Thanks Mom and Dad,
makers of the dream.
Feeders of ice cream.
They scream, loud and clear,
"Never good enough.
Good for nothing."
I never really believed them.
My little secret, payback for their rants.
Still shaking, I tried and tried and
tried and tried. Fell down, got up.
Many times. Sometimes drunk,
masking myself for all to see.
Sometimes stoned, looking for some
personal nirvana.
And, they, makers of the dream,
continued to lie and lie and lie.
But, I still miss 'em.
That's the sick part.
Go ahead, now, start.
Tell me your own hard luck story,
dear friend.
I’m all ears and listening.
You are so sweet.
I’m really enjoying this meet.
But, please dear friend,
“Excuse me, if I don’t shed a tear.”
‘Cause I’m still living in my own fear,
I just wanted make that clear.
They call us miraculous miracles of birth.
And, for what it’s worth.
I want to be your cure.
After running into you,
I’m glad we were born.
Hearts a bit torn.
On the mend now.
With Power of love
so often
spoken of
little dove
let’s fly away.
http://cdn.blogs.babble.com/being-pregnant/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/newborn1.jpg
Miraculous miracles, infected.
Diseased, all of us.
Proletariat.
Bourgeois.
Don’t tell me your
hard luck story.
I got one of my own.
Non-viral, non-bacterial,
Really, it’s immaterial.
Not some genetic mutation.
Or, a winged insect spread airborne.
Should’ve been stillborn.
Storks? Immature stupid dorks.
Not entered in by cuts or slices.
Perhaps, my vices?
Transmission varies.
Casual, wham-bam-thank-you-mam,
planned, and neglected.
We are all affected.
Codes of DNA, RNA, chromosomes
and more. Momma should’ve
closed the door, she knew the score,
and wanted sex more.
Rites of passage. By design.
Rape and fury, incest a bit scary.
Drunken stupor and party bloopers.
Drug-induced haze, even in a maze.
Fore-fathered traditions, cultural classes.
It’s for the masses.
Pre-arranged, a bit deranged.
Bring in the rings.
Bands of religious unity.
Symbols of true love.
Ordained by Gods and collared demagogues,
who speak poetically, as if in a trance,
of love and marriage.
Perfect, just perfect.
Mommy dearest was such a provider,
adulteress, too.
I still wonder what was deep inside her.
She was a deceiver and a receiver
of the cyto-plasmic, primordial, warm ooze that
seeped inside her, donated by sperm donor, Dad.
Papa dearest was verbal and physical destroyer of infant souls,
who was asleep after giving momma a thrill.
Shit man, she was not even on the pill.
I was banked before he snored. Dumb kids.
Nine month fermentation,me, oldest son of
the dream or a quick fuck. Just my luck.
I swore I was an alien spawn, birthed to be
their pawn. All day, all night.
It was a terrible fright.
Who’s complaining here?
Apple of whose eye?
I was real human before the
disease set in.
Progression into voids of pain
and hurt.
Stay tuned, it gets better.
Fruit pies and baseball, football, too.
Little pink houses and white picket fences, all in a row.
How did Mellencamp really know?
Peanut butter and jelly never tasted so good.
Jar was packaged nicely on the outside, but from
the inside looking out, it was cracked.
I was trapped with other dumbfounded siblings,
fellow carriers of the disease birth.
Fear dispensed daily for the cure.
Mind-control warped, dulled my senses.
Swift kicks in my behind.
They were making me just fine.
Weren't they?
Or, was it sadism
with love.
Maschochistic tendencies
came on early, stayed a while,
enjoyed their company.
Do this. Do that.
Eat your peas, Johnny.
Make the best grades, Johnny.
Brush your fucking teeth, Johnny.
Jump higher, run faster Johnny.
What till I tell your father, Johnny.
But, she’s your mother, listen, Johnny.
Christ, I was crazy before was I was born,
My loving parents, dumb kids, infected me more.
I drowned in my beer and Everclear.
Fighting gave away my pain to others.
Found out My britches weren't so big,
have the scars to prove it.
Other methods formed.
I found solace in
dark places
with written word.
My portals into pain
relief.
Fanatical demeanor,
fantastical
story-teller mojo,
suicidal tendencies.
Thanks Mom and Dad,
makers of the dream.
Feeders of ice cream.
They scream, loud and clear,
"Never good enough.
Good for nothing."
I never really believed them.
My little secret, payback for their rants.
Still shaking, I tried and tried and
tried and tried. Fell down, got up.
Many times. Sometimes drunk,
masking myself for all to see.
Sometimes stoned, looking for some
personal nirvana.
And, they, makers of the dream,
continued to lie and lie and lie.
But, I still miss 'em.
That's the sick part.
Go ahead, now, start.
Tell me your own hard luck story,
dear friend.
I’m all ears and listening.
You are so sweet.
I’m really enjoying this meet.
But, please dear friend,
“Excuse me, if I don’t shed a tear.”
‘Cause I’m still living in my own fear,
I just wanted make that clear.
They call us miraculous miracles of birth.
And, for what it’s worth.
I want to be your cure.
After running into you,
I’m glad we were born.
Hearts a bit torn.
On the mend now.
With Power of love
so often
spoken of
little dove
let’s fly away.
"Mistress Heroin"
She who dared to not believe,
In a man who could upperhand,
Met He who searched everlasting,
For a woman who understands.
He was everything that She was not,
Though she was something special in herself.
He was tough and true, but justified,
Not a monster, she could tell.
And she was sharp and innocent,
In a way he didn't understand.
Though she had been loved by many boys,
She had never been touched by a man.
Together they made magic,
And moved mountians in their way.
They never bothered arguing,
Since both knew what the other would say.
Though still learning life,
Both could work for their meals.
And both had dated before,
And agreed this was real.
Upon their private fairytale,
She crept up, drenched in sin.
To Her lover, did She come,
...Mistress Heroin.
His eyes are what she took away first,
She made them dull and still.
He closed them often in her embrace,
So their green beauty did She steal.
His skin so tan and clear and fresh,
Now breaks apart in scabs.
She makes him see ugly things on his face,
And crawling up and down his hand.
She took his Love then, cold and pure,
He found erotic charm in her tarry black.
She showed him a rush nobody could top,
And he cried, there was no going back.
She made his mind weak, so he angered too quick,
And hurt his True Love with his fist.
But she loved him so, she promised not to go,
As long as he promised to quit.
But still in the night he left their bed,
To find her darkened touch.
The girl woke often to find herself alone,
But had honestly expected as much.
She left behind the man she loved,
And didn't envy whoever should take him.
For she loved a man who was all of a man,
And now one side of him is vacant.
His strong toned arms, that held her close,
Now twll her openly He'll never win.
For her finerprints are pressed inside his arm,
....Mistress Heroin.
She who dared to not believe,
In a man who could upperhand,
Met He who searched everlasting,
For a woman who understands.
He was everything that She was not,
Though she was something special in herself.
He was tough and true, but justified,
Not a monster, she could tell.
And she was sharp and innocent,
In a way he didn't understand.
Though she had been loved by many boys,
She had never been touched by a man.
Together they made magic,
And moved mountians in their way.
They never bothered arguing,
Since both knew what the other would say.
Though still learning life,
Both could work for their meals.
And both had dated before,
And agreed this was real.
Upon their private fairytale,
She crept up, drenched in sin.
To Her lover, did She come,
...Mistress Heroin.
His eyes are what she took away first,
She made them dull and still.
He closed them often in her embrace,
So their green beauty did She steal.
His skin so tan and clear and fresh,
Now breaks apart in scabs.
She makes him see ugly things on his face,
And crawling up and down his hand.
She took his Love then, cold and pure,
He found erotic charm in her tarry black.
She showed him a rush nobody could top,
And he cried, there was no going back.
She made his mind weak, so he angered too quick,
And hurt his True Love with his fist.
But she loved him so, she promised not to go,
As long as he promised to quit.
But still in the night he left their bed,
To find her darkened touch.
The girl woke often to find herself alone,
But had honestly expected as much.
She left behind the man she loved,
And didn't envy whoever should take him.
For she loved a man who was all of a man,
And now one side of him is vacant.
His strong toned arms, that held her close,
Now twll her openly He'll never win.
For her finerprints are pressed inside his arm,
....Mistress Heroin.
The Start of a Beautiful Morning:
I woke up at about 6 a.m. I heard noises coming from the outside of the room, As I walk out in my little dinosaur oneis, I noticed that there were several bags placed near the front door, My mother leaning up against the wall, With bloodshot wet eyes, I was too young too fully understand what was going on, So I asked if we were going on vaction, The innocence of my voice made my mother lose it, She fell to the floor, My father hastely walking back and forth carrying more bags, He did not pay attention to me, He looked as if he was furious, I remember exactly what he was wearing, The same white polo shirt he was wearing when we took the picture on my 4th birthday, He then had finished and offered his hand to my mother who was still crying, She got up and walked away, He looked at me and told me not to wake up my older sister, He told me to he was going to go put his things in his car, He then told me as he walked to the door to go get packed, He then took all of his belongings and closed the door, I ran to my room and started packing everything I wore into my blue suitcase, 10 minutes later, I had ran outside screaming 'dad wait for me' When I had gotten to the driveway his car was gone, I turned around and my mother was at the front door. I've never seen here like this before, She told me that my father had left and would comeback, So I took my things and went back inside, I sat right in front of the door waiting for him to return, Sadly he still hasn't came back.
I woke up at about 6 a.m. I heard noises coming from the outside of the room, As I walk out in my little dinosaur oneis, I noticed that there were several bags placed near the front door, My mother leaning up against the wall, With bloodshot wet eyes, I was too young too fully understand what was going on, So I asked if we were going on vaction, The innocence of my voice made my mother lose it, She fell to the floor, My father hastely walking back and forth carrying more bags, He did not pay attention to me, He looked as if he was furious, I remember exactly what he was wearing, The same white polo shirt he was wearing when we took the picture on my 4th birthday, He then had finished and offered his hand to my mother who was still crying, She got up and walked away, He looked at me and told me not to wake up my older sister, He told me to he was going to go put his things in his car, He then told me as he walked to the door to go get packed, He then took all of his belongings and closed the door, I ran to my room and started packing everything I wore into my blue suitcase, 10 minutes later, I had ran outside screaming 'dad wait for me' When I had gotten to the driveway his car was gone, I turned around and my mother was at the front door. I've never seen here like this before, She told me that my father had left and would comeback, So I took my things and went back inside, I sat right in front of the door waiting for him to return, Sadly he still hasn't came back.
