Can you put humor in a poem?

Disgustingly hilarious, very creative

A Bad Connection

With the alcohol came courage so I picked up the phone
It was 3:30am so I knew you'd be at home
After 8 or 9 rings you finally picked up
I started speaking quickly so you couldn't interrupt
All my emotions poured out like water from a faucet
Pride held me together but it wasn't long before I lost it
I told you of the pains I had suffered for regrets
For betraying the love that you chose to confess
I said I knew hope was lost but before I could move on
I wished you'd accept my apology and you said,
"Wrong number, moron!"

Pedro, the Ambivalent Domicile

One day, Pedro was just sitting there.  
He was just sitting there because he's a fucking house
and that's all that houses can fucking do.  

Nevertheless, Pedro didn't mind.  
He didn't have an opinion on his lack of mobility
because he's a fucking house
and houses don't have any fucking opinions on anything.

Thank you I really liked a bad connection

I'd do anything for love but I won't do that


My vertigo dictates that there'd be
no climbing of highest mountains
but I would gladly walk up
a small to medium flight of stairs
if it meant I could see you there
at the top

and if I'm honest

I'm not that enthusiastic about swimming oceans
that kind of shit could leave a chap dying
or worse still dead
but I'd cross a small bridge over a river instead
if you were on the other side

and the walking across hot coals.
well here's the thing
I happen to like my feet the way they are
but if I owned a bike
or a car, I'd drive over warm roads for a mile or two
just to see you

I'd like to say
that wild horses couldn't drag me away from you
but the truth is
if a saw a herd of horses stampeding towards us
I'd run like a madman
(to direct them away from you)

CAN


hundred percent canned shit
certified pure and artistic
straight from the horse‘s mouth
collected from the rump
of one true-blue artist
gifted and a recluse
so the media claims

limited edition cans
all collectibles
all fresh supplies
with no added preservatives
or any of those artificial flavours

like you find at baskin-bobbins—thirty one

yessir we are talking the real deal
the real heat of real shit
tested by a dedicated team
under supervision
packed in an air-tight malleable tin can
to preserve the very essence and
mildly acidic smell

the can itself is a replica of warhol—
(a tributethe media maintains )
with psychedelic imagery in stead of a label
and a personal message with a bona fide signature
of the artist himself

all for the esteemed art collectors
of course

a series of five are obtainable at present
conditions apply*

three of those are vegetarian and green
environment friendly
additional corporate decisions are being made
to avert potential black marketeers

the first ten buyers are bound to
receive a memorabilia each [hurray]

that coveted gift would be
an eponymous work on canvas
a collage of polaroid shots
of outhouses where it took place
originated from
the endless labyrinthine mind
and brought forth at
the end of the tunnel
the portrait of the very meccas
of such an artistic marvel

so hurry dear art collectors
established and aspiring

cause offer is valid till stocks last
and this artist has been on a frugal diet
of late

good luck
godspeed

silly you, silly me, silly us





okay
i called you 'menstrual'

i know its not the time  
of the month but what about
when you call me 'andropausal'

did i tell you the last avatar
i had on facebook was a pic where  
i had this constipated look
with that godforsaken word
flashing in bold beneath
of course noone liked it
except may be
nevermind

so i called you 'menstrual'
perhaps a couple of other things  
like cruel and i think
that was all

you called me a 'wimp whiner'  
with that snort i hate to death

finally i said your cooking  
sucked

thud  
silence  
'oh shit' phenomenon

but that was six hours ago

dont you ever get hungry  
when sulking
damn mystery

damn it



 

A Bar Room Comedy  

Standing at the helm
of the Golden Lion's
dying realm
there's Brian the landlord
who looks on in dischord
he knows he's above this
with his girlfriend in his clutches
bar flying
is baloo with a scarf ,
crying and blue
he's always lying
about something new .

Lets not forget the colonel
at his reserved space ,
acting so formal
with a high blood pressure face .
looking like garfield the cat
with a  moustache and blinking  
donned with a tartan hat
on a marathon for drinking ..

He's always talking
of times gone by  
in the background squawking
the football is up high  
you can hear grown men bawling
over a game , as they cry
and a man by the name
of what we called Sly
he goes insane if you nudge him
passing by .

You can also hear Egor
with jokes we all abhore
that he keeps telling
with the scams he's selling
never sharing the pie
only he is smelling
life passes him by
in his double glazed
dwelling
his name erased ,
elbows ungrazed
and accounts swelling
unlike the social woods that he's shaved
and now felling .
He tells his joke
then takes a bow
revealing the back of his head
that looks like a brow  .

Then there's , Thomas the pervert
the half wit
in conflict
who sits in comfort ,
the effalump
who gets drunk  
he's always smoking
and wearing dense glasses
that cover greedy eyes
you'd love to give a good poking .
With plenty to spend
and no brain to comprehend
he has the audacity
to walk in society
unable to mend
what wasn't took lightly
as do-gooder's defend
this blob of unsightly .

There's Rolf the writer
the bearded high and mightier
the smug novel worded
paper back pioneer .

And Tony who does press-ups
pissed up and between hic-cups
he's fat
not muscley
a twat
and messed up mentally .

There's vampire Spock
who stands below the bin time clock
his money unearned
and eyes adhock
collar upturned
and coffin unlocked .

There's Jake the pub dog
and owner Mildred
who looks like a pond frog
thats been jilted .

Well these were the characters
of a local bar
I know you'll connect to this
from wherever you are .  

No you can't fuck me in the ass!

Raise a glass
for mr. eager here..
As he swallows down
another beer...

A toast to the
most raunchy host.
Of
"Where can I put this?"

Sir drunk bubbly..
A hero to the barflies..
Far from wise
children of the corn..
Back alley porn
is his "thing"
And I think
he swings both ways..

I mean
how many times
do I have to decline
his
enigma
post traumatic stigma

NO
You can't fuck me in the ass!!!!!!

wheres the like button, around here???????  hahaha.......i really liked this......its very funny......good write.

I have no idea where this came from. I just started writing then went and looked at the rules and thought whew.. Ok I think I did it right.. lol. Thank you .. Hope it wasn't too abrasive... =)

more heart felt than funny but its good chuckle material.....good write

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/33103-trickster/

Thank You