Depression/Mental Illness

Left Ear
The smell of paint lingers mixed with the scent of musk  
The silence is too loud in this vacant room of pain
The memories are like banshees haunting my mind
Laughing your fault! your fault! your fault!
 
I stand looking at the fresh coat of paint
White on the walls and floor
White on my clothes and shoes
White paint thick in my memory
But when I look down at my hands
They’re still stained red with their blood

I can still hear my family screams;
can still hear their cries for mercy
while I cut them in pieces,
a moment of mental weakness

I've wish for the thousandth time
that I had never listen to that whispering demon
that's still laughing at me in my left ear.

This is a poem about my battle with depression.

i wake up every morning with a frown on my face.
people tell me I'm a difficult case.
I live in darkness
what can i say?
I've been trapped in a dark cold world waiting.
I've been waiting for someone to come and find me.
i scream so loud
so that i may be found.
that is no good.
no one is around.
i am invisible to everyone.
no one notices me.
i go home and get the blade.
i gently put it on my skin.
oh it feels so good to pierce the flesh.
watching the blood calms me down and slowly brings me back to reality.
i hide up in my head.
im too afraid to face the world.
i cant face my fears.
why should i?
no one cares.
not even the fat kid cares wether i am dead or alive.
depression is so easy to come by
but so hard to gain control over
it sucks the life out of me.
my lungs get cold and my heart races.
what am i doing?
im giving in to the depression cause there was no one there to come and find me.
ill be lost forever and ever.
ill be stuck in this darkness.
this must be my time to bid you my goodbye.

Once And For All

Pill bottles in my hand,
A pillow under my head.

How did I get to the point,
To want myself dead.

My mood has sunk down into oblivion,
Making death taste like an eternal glorious Heaven.

Would it work or leave me sick,
I don't care, you pick.

Leave them to find me unresponsive,
Don't care, I don't deserve to even live.

The pressure to love, live, and remain alive
In a world of hate, discontent, I’m done trying to survive

Three, six, nine, one pill bottle gone
Another, only three, not enough for a song.

I'll just sleep this time and forget it all.
Next time there might be more, enough to fall.

Into the light without fear I go
Leaving those who never cared to even show.

The real me is brought to eternal love,
And the old me is gone from earth like a light white dove.

I hope and wonder if it will happen again this urge,
And if this thing called death will ask me to take the plunge

Will I heed its call
And end all my pain once and for all.