Break

"Don't cry, mom will see."
Then why dump me on a car ride home?
Did you think it wouldn't bother me?
Did you think she wouldn't know?

Shake some sense into me,
make me see where I was wrong.
Like when you talked me into adultery,
by writing me a song.

"One last kiss?"
Fuck off, jerk.
I hope you miss
what you're leaving in dirt.

Four hundred and twenty nine days,
every hour wasted on you.
"You did nothing wrong." Set me ablaze.
Then I can burn you up, too.

No more brown eyes,
they'll make me sick.
I'll spin around three times,
for my vanishing trick.

This Deaf Dancer        

Where do I go from here
how do I rid your fear
I answer
but nothing's clear
this deaf dancer
through the floor
can hear .

I feel every minute
all the seconds
that tick in it
just remember
I'm real
and from no one I steal
if it rolls I'm the wheel
and if nobody get's it
well I do
your magnetic
telecanetic
delectably , hectic
a comprehendable , sceptic
understandable , unhandable
loving , apathetic

I drive myself mad here
going round
mental hemispheres
I know I'm not perfect
kind of glass or a perspex
breakable , flexible
clarity you just can't see
together we are sailing free
untethered , jocularity
heavy feathers are not
you and me
simply because
they just can't be
we endeavour in hilarity .

I pedalled a wipe out
in the street
a dogfight , invite  
dinner nightmare
I wore white
the wrong thing to wear
what a night to frighten
the unscared
Horsefly bites
and wine we did share
outdoor delights
of drunken impaired
driving on the right
and you cut my hair
so I thought if I might
recall times
that we shared .

So in all the long
don't get me wrong
I hold your flame and I sing your song
as I sit here
you've nothing at all to fear
don't ever
not remember
this deaf dancer  
through the floor
can hear .


 
   

Breaking

The heartbreak of never
knowing why
you left forever
Never knowing what
broke your heart
Never Knowing when
your love turn
to ashes in your mind
Never shall I know how
to bring you back
to this hour, this now
of needing and desire:
You just left.

Breaking Me


Bodies entwined in ways inhumanly appealing to the mind

Bodies. . .turning, twisting, thrusting

Arms around necks, shoulders, and torsos

Legs around waists, hips, and thighs  

Faces expressed vacant, obscure, eroticized

Eyes eager, yearning, hungered  

Lips pursing, trembling, kissing  

Tongues thirsty, sopping, ravenous  

Man.  Woman.  Lover.  

Cock, pussy, virgins  

Me, us, them, they, you

Don’t cry, he said.  It won’t hurt, she said.  Please don’t, I said.
 
Come, he says.  Harder, she says.  Gently, I say

One night was our morning  

Four lovers in three ways

Goodbye, he says.  Yes, she says.  Come back soon, I say.

Tuesday, Saturday, Thursday-gone

I miss breaking the boy breaking me.        

Our Final Kiss

Rose petals falling
Gently tangling in your hair.
This is the end.
We’ve known forever
That this would come.
And it is far more beautiful
Than I could have possibly imagined.
There are no tears
No useless cries to continue this.
Only the rose petals tangling around us
And a final kiss.

You want to blame me
For all the pain in your heart.
Even your wandering eyes
Are my fault in your mind.
I wish I could be angry
Or hurt. But I know only the calm
That always comes before a storm.

Later I will hurt for this.
But this has to be the end.
I will not bleed for you anymore.
You will not be in my prayers tonight.

Later you may ask for my help.
But you gave up that right
When you kissed her.
I may take pity on you then.
But the love you took for granted
Will be denied to you
Ever more.

You seem sad
Did you not want this to end?
Then you should have never kissed my friend.
Those lips were supposed to belong to me.
Don’t tell me you’re going to cry?
Now you care? NOW?

Well here is your last kiss my Dear.
Use this time well.
This will be the last time you know this feeling.
You know what I’m talking about, the feeling
That the girl you kiss actually loves you.
That she isn’t using  you for your money
Or the jealousy that follows your girl.
For no other could love you as completely as I did.
As I still do….

Goodbye Matthew.
I hope you find peace.
But you will never find love,
Not when you couldn’t see it an inch in front of your beautiful face.

YOU BROKE UP WITH ME

There will be hell to pay

The day you went away

Left me penniless

No job, three children

Police could not find you

Lucky your parents helped me

Watched the children

Helped with rent

Your evil deed

Taught me how to succeed

I am a CEO now

With an investigation company

They have found you

Found you have broken the law

They are extraditing you

From Canada

Your children hate you

Your parents died disappointed

You are facing 20 years or more

Not less....for all the mess you left

As for me

I will finally be free

When they lock you up

And throw away the key

Waiting Patiently

If you think it's
Best for us
Then I'll step aside
And won't make a fuss.

As much as it hurts
I respect that you
want to be friends
Just know I'll wait
For our love to mend.

I'll be waiting
Waiting patiently for
You to come back to me
And we can start up
once more.

I love you and
I know you love me
And when you're ready
Together we will be.

Glad to wake up-open the blinds
See you are gone-
I don't mind.
Make my coffee, feed the dog-
I always thought you were quite a slob.
Taking a shower-
It all seems so clear-life is easier
without you here.
Turn up the music-
free at last!
I should have known-
that you were an ass.
Feeling elated,
it does quickly pass-
You only went out to cut the grass.

Drowning in Death

Here we are sitting in the quiet night
I look at you under the soft moonlight.
Teardrops slowly fall from your beautiful eyes
And the sight of them makes me wanna die.
I know there were things that got in our way
There were times we hurt each other with what we had to say.
But I’m here now to say that everything will be okay
All our pain will someday go away.
We hug in a tight loving embrace
But then I see the look on your angelic face.
And realize that through your hope and love the pain is still there
So I wrap my arms tighter around you to show I still truly care.
I kiss your tears away and hold you close for a while
When I look at you again your frown turns into a smile.
As I pull you in for a loving kiss
Your face turns red, something I’ve come to miss.
Suddenly I’m alone, and when I look around you’re gone
I sit up in bed, heart racing and eyes blurry, it’s almost dawn.
From my eyes flows a new steady stream
As I realize that once again, it was only a sad dream.
Sobs rack my broken body, for you’re still not with me
I question your motives, is this really how it had to be?
Were you really that unhappy, was it really that bad
Couldn’t you instead focus on the special love that we had?
You’ll never know how bad you hurt me, you changed my very life
You can’t see what I’m trying to tell you, that I can’t put up with this strife.
You might as well be squeezing the trigger, or pulling the blade
Just accept it now, this is the decision that I have made.
I told you what would happen if I ever lost you, but you didn’t believe me
So now because of you there’s a dead body floating out at sea.
You didn’t wanna talk or listen to me, and now your old lover is dead
I hope you never forget what you did and the guilt never leaves your head.
When you start getting sad again, there’s something I want you to know
YOU did this and caused this shit, YOU’RE the one who let ME go.
And if you decide to visit my gravesite, remember this hun
I still won’t forgive you for all the shit you’ve done.
Because even in death I remember the hurt and the stabbing pain
I remember the feeling of being rejected and left alone in the freezing rain.
So go ahead and try to get rid of the guilt, the regret, the sorrow
But it's still going to be there when you wake up tomorrow.
You should’ve been honest, but instead you lied
And now you’re the reason that I committed suicide.
Go now with this knowledge, and live your sad life day by day
I’ve shared my heart, there’s nothing left for me to say.
I finally understand that the pain and hurt will never cease
And now because of you i lay under a stone that says “Rest In Peace”.

Late afternoon sun has this way of shooting rays
Blinded me, but your eyes just glowed blue
I missed some words stumbling out of your mouth
Couldn't catch them before they hit the ground
ran into the dirt like rainwater
So I satiated myself
just looking into you

you had trouble meeting my eyes and I knew
as surely as your shadow went on for miles
past me, my house, and out of my line of sight
you had outgrown me
and even if I could have extinguished afternoon sunlight
I couldn't hold you back

I gave you 10 years of my life
I stuck by you thru thick and thin
But I just couldn't win. Nothing I did was ever right
All you wanted was to fuss and fight.
You're telling everyone I did you wrong and how you've moved on
Joker who you trying to fool
All you did to me was be cruel

But still I pushed on

I carried the family on my back
All you did was go on the attack
You said that you loved me, at the same time belittling me. You couldn't see what you was doing to us, now we part ways cause we must.

But still I pushed on

You was emotionally, physically, & mentally abusive. You're so angry! You went from 0 to 60 in 3.2 seconds that's got to be a record. I gave you my heart, body, & soul but you was so damn cold

But still I pushed on

Your baby girl, the apple of your eyes, cries for you at night. She asks me "When is daddy coming home?" I tell her the truth daddy's not coming "Why mommy are you still mad?" No baby mommy's just done had.......
I stop mid sentence cause she's to young to understand. So to her I say when daddy is ready he'll come see you. As the days turns to weeks turn to months, the cries get softer & lower, and the questions get fewer. It tears my heart to see my kids no our kids like this

But still I push on

Your daughter's sick and you don't even give a shit! When was the last time you seen them? 5 months ago When was the last time you called them 6 weeks ago. You claim your kids are your world
Hahahaha that's laughable!

But still I push on

In my own home I was walking on eggshells
I was living in hell. I became everything you wanted while losing myself
Being a single mom is hard.  I work, cook, & clean  that's my life I'm unscarred so stop calling with that bullshit unless you're calling about the kids cause I'm Pushing On

Torn and broken I walk away
words of pain inflicted deep
of inside torture I will not speak
life please hold me; saddened weak.

yes it is my fault that you are sad
why? because you no longer make me cry!
why? because you no longer have the chance to fight
or why because you no longer control my life!

Daily attitude swap and change
love then hate
what a stupid game
remember the times you choked my throat
for this one reason i could not cope

so when you feel so sad and lost
i hope you recall all the pain you caused
and not get lost in your own dream world
wake up now please
it isn't too late
to grow up finally and act your age
and stop blaming everyone else for your own mistakes.

Gimme A Break

harsh and mean
I wear your words instead of my heart on a sleeve
you come too often
but all I remember is when you start to leave
you're such a disease
killing with such ease
you cut me down to size
I'm always on my knees
forever carved on my dream
it gets harder to scream
you are the lump in my throat
I'm always drunk and I choke
it's hard to stay clean
when the drug is in the mirror
standing with a knife behind me
you always come around
yet it seems
all I remember is when you leave

APOLOGY
Don’t remember me
On another worst day
As I constructed a towered mistake
Forcing what’s needed
Without knowing what you need
And what I wanted
What’s did already done
Apologies not draft
Disappointing you was never a design
It’s just my talent
Promising never again
By avoiding your sight
Demanding you just to know that
I do respect you
I do think highly of you
I do care immensely for you
I do want you to be happy
I do want you
I will miss you
And you will always be
The woman I love.