Poetry competition CLOSED 1st January 2010 00:00am
WINNER
rayheinrich (Death Plane for Teddy)
rayheinrich (Death Plane for Teddy)
Make me laugh fucker!
Anonymous
Misanthropy
more and more people moan
about their rights,
women’s rights and gay rights
and black rights and so forth,
I suppose, as a liberal and a queer,
I should stand up and be counted too,
but frankly I don’t give a shit -
black, white, gay, straight, man,
woman, elf -
they all belong in some dark
dank pit.
more and more people moan
about their rights,
women’s rights and gay rights
and black rights and so forth,
I suppose, as a liberal and a queer,
I should stand up and be counted too,
but frankly I don’t give a shit -
black, white, gay, straight, man,
woman, elf -
they all belong in some dark
dank pit.
[quote]Paul Summerscales said:
Don't get your knickers in a twist "murder she wrote" It was only meant to be a laugh I wasn't serious . can't you fucking take a joke ? Anyway ,Mrs, "I've got a problem and take everything so serious and quite possibly need to act more like my age" Merda lady! I have this one for you ,ok!You see the whole thing was based on a piss take of men ,which I thought was funny so I returned it , ok oh yeah and dying an idiot maybe , but that is far better than living as one , a paranoid one that is I might add and as for your skewer, it was probably up your arse getting hot enough for brandishing CHILL out I have this for you I aint really a bigot bastard , here goes
lle man
All men think they know it all ,
all men never admit their dick is small .
All men have a dick inside their heads,
all men think they're fantastic in bed .
All men think they are the best on the road ,
all men get pissed and need a commode .
All men get together and act like kids ,
all men stink like old leather and have underpant skids .
All men think when their pissed they can play darts ,
all men are remaniscent ,
of their own ,
STINKING FARTS .
Relax; it's a fucking poem.
Don't get your knickers in a twist "murder she wrote" It was only meant to be a laugh I wasn't serious . can't you fucking take a joke ? Anyway ,Mrs, "I've got a problem and take everything so serious and quite possibly need to act more like my age" Merda lady! I have this one for you ,ok!You see the whole thing was based on a piss take of men ,which I thought was funny so I returned it , ok oh yeah and dying an idiot maybe , but that is far better than living as one , a paranoid one that is I might add and as for your skewer, it was probably up your arse getting hot enough for brandishing CHILL out I have this for you I aint really a bigot bastard , here goes
lle man
All men think they know it all ,
all men never admit their dick is small .
All men have a dick inside their heads,
all men think they're fantastic in bed .
All men think they are the best on the road ,
all men get pissed and need a commode .
All men get together and act like kids ,
all men stink like old leather and have underpant skids .
All men think when their pissed they can play darts ,
all men are remaniscent ,
of their own ,
STINKING FARTS .
Relax; it's a fucking poem.
Well Jamie , if this barrel of laughs that came bouncing down the road of wrong turns and craziness hasn't urged the corners of your mouth to twitch a little were all f**ked hahahahahaha,
Oh and greetings to you too by the way ....
Oh and greetings to you too by the way ....
Sorry for the greeting-card poetry, I just can't help myself. It's a disease.
She came at him screaming,
with javelin knife!
Threatening his silk ties,
he feared for his life.
pathetic apologies,
mingled with crying,
she'd known for a while now
'bout his cheatin' and lyin'.
"you sniveling shit,
you're embarrasing your gender.
Face me, you emotional
return to sender."
she silenced his sobbing
aught left to refute,
with flicker of knife
held up his best suit.
He reached for the pinstripe
but she was too quick,
she slid on a cuff-link
and cut off his*
*Poety competition time: Complete the poem
She came at him screaming,
with javelin knife!
Threatening his silk ties,
he feared for his life.
pathetic apologies,
mingled with crying,
she'd known for a while now
'bout his cheatin' and lyin'.
"you sniveling shit,
you're embarrasing your gender.
Face me, you emotional
return to sender."
she silenced his sobbing
aught left to refute,
with flicker of knife
held up his best suit.
He reached for the pinstripe
but she was too quick,
she slid on a cuff-link
and cut off his*
*Poety competition time: Complete the poem
Three reindeer walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up.
The 1st reindeer asks: "Where is Santa?"
Bartender: "He's down there at the end of the bar."
2nd Reindeer: "Are there any elves here?"
Bartender: "They're down at the end of the bar with Santa."
3rd Reindeer: "Give me a triple vodka martini, easy on the vermouth."
Bartender: "We don't serve reindeer."
3rd Reindeer: "I'm not a reindeer, I'm an elf in a reindeer suit."
The first two reindeer trample the elf to death.
Bartender: "And that's why we don't serve reindeer."
The reindeer walk down to the end of the bar and trample the rest of the elves to death.
Appalled, Santa asks: "Why did you do that?"
1st Reindeer: "The elves are always screwing us around."
Santa "For doing that, you two are going to get coal for Christmas."
2nd Reinreer: "That's OK by me; it's a lot better than getting screwed by elves."
Santa: "You can say that again."
Rudolph prances up to the bar and laps up all of the dead elves drinks;
then his nose turns bright red and he staggers and falls on the floor.
Santa: "This is horrible, now we won't be able to find our way in the fog tonight."
2nd Reindeer: "Sure it's horrible, but it's still a lot better than getting screwed by elves."
Santa: "That's a good point."
1st Reindeer: "We're good at making points, that's because we have antlers.
And by the way, we're also the only mammals that can see ultraviolet light."
Santa: "Why is that?"
1st Reindeer: "It's so we can see white fur and urine in the blinding white light of the arctic day."
Santa: "That's too much information."
2nd Reindeer: "It's still a lot better than getting screwed by elves."
Santa: "This reindeer doth protest too much, methinks."
Bartender: "OK, that's it! Out of the bar, all of you!"
Santa: "I sense someone's going to get coal for Christmas this year."
Bartender: "It's still a lot better than getting screwed by elves."
The bartender looks up.
The 1st reindeer asks: "Where is Santa?"
Bartender: "He's down there at the end of the bar."
2nd Reindeer: "Are there any elves here?"
Bartender: "They're down at the end of the bar with Santa."
3rd Reindeer: "Give me a triple vodka martini, easy on the vermouth."
Bartender: "We don't serve reindeer."
3rd Reindeer: "I'm not a reindeer, I'm an elf in a reindeer suit."
The first two reindeer trample the elf to death.
Bartender: "And that's why we don't serve reindeer."
The reindeer walk down to the end of the bar and trample the rest of the elves to death.
Appalled, Santa asks: "Why did you do that?"
1st Reindeer: "The elves are always screwing us around."
Santa "For doing that, you two are going to get coal for Christmas."
2nd Reinreer: "That's OK by me; it's a lot better than getting screwed by elves."
Santa: "You can say that again."
Rudolph prances up to the bar and laps up all of the dead elves drinks;
then his nose turns bright red and he staggers and falls on the floor.
Santa: "This is horrible, now we won't be able to find our way in the fog tonight."
2nd Reindeer: "Sure it's horrible, but it's still a lot better than getting screwed by elves."
Santa: "That's a good point."
1st Reindeer: "We're good at making points, that's because we have antlers.
And by the way, we're also the only mammals that can see ultraviolet light."
Santa: "Why is that?"
1st Reindeer: "It's so we can see white fur and urine in the blinding white light of the arctic day."
Santa: "That's too much information."
2nd Reindeer: "It's still a lot better than getting screwed by elves."
Santa: "This reindeer doth protest too much, methinks."
Bartender: "OK, that's it! Out of the bar, all of you!"
Santa: "I sense someone's going to get coal for Christmas this year."
Bartender: "It's still a lot better than getting screwed by elves."
