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Weird shit and nothing else
Northern_Soul said:
… I’ve never thought of you as shy. Like. Ever.
I was the mousiest mouse of all mice.
Betty said:
Yeah, I call bullshit.
If I had the power of life and death in my cooter, I’d be the most confident person on the planet.
Criss cross the w/holy vag. Until I started working in the gambling business at the sweet tender age of 18, I also became an Ann Summers rep and got into the world of sex toys
… I’ve never thought of you as shy. Like. Ever.
I was the mousiest mouse of all mice.
Betty said:
Yeah, I call bullshit.
If I had the power of life and death in my cooter, I’d be the most confident person on the planet.
Criss cross the w/holy vag. Until I started working in the gambling business at the sweet tender age of 18, I also became an Ann Summers rep and got into the world of sex toys
Magdalena said:
Criss cross the w/holy vag. Until I started working in the gambling business at the sweet tender age of 18, I also became an Ann Summers rep and got into the world of sex toys
YAAAAASSS girl, now THAT is who I imagine you to be. A card, dealing, dildo selling, killer sex queen.
You're my hero. Will you sign my ass?
Criss cross the w/holy vag. Until I started working in the gambling business at the sweet tender age of 18, I also became an Ann Summers rep and got into the world of sex toys
YAAAAASSS girl, now THAT is who I imagine you to be. A card, dealing, dildo selling, killer sex queen.
You're my hero. Will you sign my ass?
Magdalena said:
Ah, the only cards I've dealt, are the divination kind, a bit more potent.
I have a pen.
I LIKEEE THE DARKEE.
TRUE story. (and where I got the inspiration) I signed a guy's ass on his bachelor party at a bar. He was drunk. I don't know what that happened.
Most of my stories end with... I don't know why that happened.
(drops trou, passes sharpie, bends over)
SIGN IT QUEEN!
I'm going to get it tattooed.
Ah, the only cards I've dealt, are the divination kind, a bit more potent.
I have a pen.
I LIKEEE THE DARKEE.
TRUE story. (and where I got the inspiration) I signed a guy's ass on his bachelor party at a bar. He was drunk. I don't know what that happened.
Most of my stories end with... I don't know why that happened.
(drops trou, passes sharpie, bends over)
SIGN IT QUEEN!
I'm going to get it tattooed.
Anonymous
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Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Just stumbled upon this thread and am loving it! Unfortunately, I'm boring and can't compete in the weird shit stakes, but it's fun reading everyone else's.
A few mildly amusing things that spring to mind:
I once walked in on one of my children's teachers having a wee. She'd forgotten to lock the door. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed. I was positively mortified.
At the age of 24, I was in a park, decided to have a swing in a baby swing (I was skinny then)... and got stuck.
I've had my tonsils out three times, and (weirdly) know someone else who has, too
Until the age of 15, I thought that drink driving involved driving along while clutching a Coke or similar, and couldn't work out what was so newsworthy about that.
Earlier this year, I dislocated my knee while I was demonstrating Yogic Flying to a child who is too young to remember the Natural Law Party. A couple of months later, I dislocated it again while showing someone else how I did it the first time. Whoops.
A few mildly amusing things that spring to mind:
I once walked in on one of my children's teachers having a wee. She'd forgotten to lock the door. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed. I was positively mortified.
At the age of 24, I was in a park, decided to have a swing in a baby swing (I was skinny then)... and got stuck.
I've had my tonsils out three times, and (weirdly) know someone else who has, too
Until the age of 15, I thought that drink driving involved driving along while clutching a Coke or similar, and couldn't work out what was so newsworthy about that.
Earlier this year, I dislocated my knee while I was demonstrating Yogic Flying to a child who is too young to remember the Natural Law Party. A couple of months later, I dislocated it again while showing someone else how I did it the first time. Whoops.
Wafflenose said:Just stumbled upon this thread and am loving it! Unfortunately, I'm boring and can't compete in the weird shit stakes, but it's fun reading everyone else's.
A few mildly amusing things that spring to mind:
I once walked in on one of my children's teachers having a wee. She'd forgotten to lock the door. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed. I was positively mortified.
At the age of 24, I was in a park, decided to have a swing in a baby swing (I was skinny then)... and got stuck.
I've had my tonsils out three times, and (weirdly) know someone else who has, too
Until the age of 15, I thought that drink driving involved driving along while clutching a Coke or similar, and couldn't work out what was so newsworthy about that.
Earlier this year, I dislocated my knee while I was demonstrating Yogic Flying to a child who is too young to remember the Natural Law Party. A couple of months later, I dislocated it again while showing someone else how I did it the first time. Whoops.
(Those were pretty good. You get some
Honorable Mention points)
Oh… you sweet, sweet darling. This is a gnarly group of shits, and I feel like we are going to corrupt you.
And I’m here for that!
Come sit with Miss Betty. Let’s chat! What color cape do you want for your twat?
A few mildly amusing things that spring to mind:
I once walked in on one of my children's teachers having a wee. She'd forgotten to lock the door. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed. I was positively mortified.
At the age of 24, I was in a park, decided to have a swing in a baby swing (I was skinny then)... and got stuck.
I've had my tonsils out three times, and (weirdly) know someone else who has, too
Until the age of 15, I thought that drink driving involved driving along while clutching a Coke or similar, and couldn't work out what was so newsworthy about that.
Earlier this year, I dislocated my knee while I was demonstrating Yogic Flying to a child who is too young to remember the Natural Law Party. A couple of months later, I dislocated it again while showing someone else how I did it the first time. Whoops.
(Those were pretty good. You get some
Honorable Mention points)
Oh… you sweet, sweet darling. This is a gnarly group of shits, and I feel like we are going to corrupt you.
And I’m here for that!
Come sit with Miss Betty. Let’s chat! What color cape do you want for your twat?
Wafflenose said:Ha ha, corrupt me if you like. I honestly am boring. 45 years old, one relationship, have been very drunk twice and don't really socialise!
I'll have a purple twat cape, please.
Oh… my…. shitting …. walruses. It’s like…. discovering the lost city of El Dorado…. There are so many things to show you….
But first, have a twat cape. It’s purple AND it has sparkles! Eep!
I’ll invite you to the Betty Bar for the Morally Bankrupt later. Right now we’re just being casually weird.
I'll have a purple twat cape, please.
Oh… my…. shitting …. walruses. It’s like…. discovering the lost city of El Dorado…. There are so many things to show you….
But first, have a twat cape. It’s purple AND it has sparkles! Eep!
I’ll invite you to the Betty Bar for the Morally Bankrupt later. Right now we’re just being casually weird.
Back to the lab!
Part of the lab where I work , is underground, with a couple of small windows near the ceiling to allow as a fire escape. Before it was renovated, years ago, we used to have bees and hornets getting in through cracks around the windows, so to get rid of them, we made a game of it.
We kept a syringe and bottle of alcohol handy , and would target practice by squirting the bees with a blast of alcohol in the syringe. They'd get drunk after getting blasted, then drop out of the air, midflight, then we'd finish them off by squashing them.
We , of course , kept score on how many bees, each of us killed, and got extra points if one landed on the bunsen burner flame & we didn't have to squash it. 🐝
Part of the lab where I work , is underground, with a couple of small windows near the ceiling to allow as a fire escape. Before it was renovated, years ago, we used to have bees and hornets getting in through cracks around the windows, so to get rid of them, we made a game of it.
We kept a syringe and bottle of alcohol handy , and would target practice by squirting the bees with a blast of alcohol in the syringe. They'd get drunk after getting blasted, then drop out of the air, midflight, then we'd finish them off by squashing them.
We , of course , kept score on how many bees, each of us killed, and got extra points if one landed on the bunsen burner flame & we didn't have to squash it. 🐝
MadameLavender said:Back to the lab!
Part of the lab where I work , is underground, with a couple of small windows near the ceiling to allow as a fire escape. Before it was renovated, years ago, we used to have bees and hornets getting in through cracks around the windows, so to get rid of them, we made a game of it.
We kept a syringe and bottle of alcohol handy , and would target practice by squirting the bees with a blast of alcohol in the syringe. They'd get drunk after getting blasted, then drop out of the air, midflight, then we'd finish them off by squashing them.
We , of course , kept score on how many bees, each of us killed, and got extra points if one landed on the bunsen burner flame & we didn't have to squash it. 🐝
I have never wanted to work in a lab. A&P was my least favorite class.
But fuckshit if listening to you doesn’t make me reevaluate my life choices. You have shit, you have death, you have drunken bees. Like… you win.
Also, Drunken Bees sounds like a badass name for a rock band.
Part of the lab where I work , is underground, with a couple of small windows near the ceiling to allow as a fire escape. Before it was renovated, years ago, we used to have bees and hornets getting in through cracks around the windows, so to get rid of them, we made a game of it.
We kept a syringe and bottle of alcohol handy , and would target practice by squirting the bees with a blast of alcohol in the syringe. They'd get drunk after getting blasted, then drop out of the air, midflight, then we'd finish them off by squashing them.
We , of course , kept score on how many bees, each of us killed, and got extra points if one landed on the bunsen burner flame & we didn't have to squash it. 🐝
I have never wanted to work in a lab. A&P was my least favorite class.
But fuckshit if listening to you doesn’t make me reevaluate my life choices. You have shit, you have death, you have drunken bees. Like… you win.
Also, Drunken Bees sounds like a badass name for a rock band.
