Darkest Poem

Snow fell silent and deep on the street that endless night  
Immaculately shrouded where they were found, lying too still    
Screams, shouts, sirens rend the air, shrill    
too late, nothing to be done    

Blessed be the True Judge  
 
They was the light of their parent’s lives    
Terrified, tearful, they'd watched, prayed      
as their child fell from grace, no fault their own    
Their voice, heart, soul stolen to satisfy base lusts    
of those sworn to educate and protect    
 
Innocence, faith. virtue violently severed    
by those they was taught to respect and trust    
How could they have spoken, what could be said    
to define such which defied all explanation?    
Why would they force themselves to relive, to remember    
what should never have been?    

They had tried everything they knew to hold on    
but demanding a life free of deceit, in their control    
     
Alienated from those who had no comprehension    
yet should have listened harder, known better  
    
Getting drunk after prayers every morning?    
Anesthetized the agony of associating with sociopaths    
feted as reputable venerated members of their society    
Sleeping til noon, confined to bedroom for days and nights?    
Concealing the quiet-inducing lacerations on tender skin    
that the nights couldn’t deliver, too afraid to close their eyes    
knowing the inevitable visitation of assailant's eyes and voices    
The drugs? To numb pain nothing could possibly ease    
The music? To block revolting, insidious whispers.    
     
A soul need suffer only so long      
before granted reprieve and beckoned home    
The snow was Heaven creating a soft landing    
Divine soul wrested from wretched corporeality.    
The Angel of Death finally came to heed the call    
Cradling, soothing,hushed all the pain and shame    
carrying divine soul to eternal peace and reprieve    
     
Suicide, influences,temptation, mental illness    
So-called community paragons hastily judged    
Better to sweep it away, not let people suspect    
     
Interrogative individuals are clandestine danger    
Other young voices demanded they be heard    
Voices too loud, too numerous to be ignored  
  
We have also been violated, betrayed    
We were innocent, we are faithful no longer    
We trusted, we believed, we prayed,      
We gave benefit of doubt, yet no more.    
     
Restrain your mourning for us - we are finally free    
Lament for yourselves, for your ignorance    
Whether deliberate or subliminal.      
wail for the monsters in your midst    
Hiding behind holy books and pious words    
For collective cowardice in inevitable separation    
     
For aforesaid transgressions, there will never be atonement    
Live with your shame in this world as well as the next    
Let it shorten your breath, darken your peace, mar every joy    
     
We are legion, those who have been used and abused    
coerced, shamed unwillingly into silence and submission    
  
Nothing in this world will stifle or subdue us any longer    
Our innocence is gone, our faith no longer yours.    
 We will flourish, more authentic than you could become    
Recapturing love, redefining faith, living lucid, cognizant truth

This is it; I’m done
My heart still beats, yet no warmth flows through my veins
My face is an emotionless mask, and I feel nothing inside
Tears pour from my eyes, yet they offer no relief
From the pain and torment I’ve subjected myself to
Life is cruel, and I’m merely one of its foolish victims
I’ve irrevocably damaged the lives of the people who matter to me
No matter what I say or do, I can never make up for it
I’m in a dark and unstable place
I can’t find the light and set myself free
Life isn’t worth living with this pain I’m going through
So why not just end it all with two momentary pains?
And watch my life bleed out of this hollow shell of the person I once was.

Based On A Dream

 
In the dead of a summer's night  
i sneak out wearing just pyjamas  
and down to the black beach i go  
as if pulled along by a wire  
i am 5  
 
The night is so quiet the air still  
the sea is calm and the tide is low  
the moon emits an eerie glow  
my feet are bare and cold  
but onto the beach i must go  
 
On the water's edge i see a thing  
walk closer and rub my eyes  
wet and covered in seaweed  
sits a small wooden shed  
and from a tiny square window  
a yellow light shines from inside  
 
No this cannot be  
 
i am frightened  
my senses heightened  
yet i am pulled towards this  
this unnatural thing  
my heart is pounding  
alarm bells are ringing  
singing in my head  
i must go on  
 
i am there and there is a door  
i hesitate for a second  
rapid shallow breathing  
i know this is wrong  
slowly i reach out  
and push the door ajar  
 
Something grabs my arm  
and roughly yanks me inside  
and now it is too late  
oh God  
too late  
 
There are two of them  
they are so tall  
and their shiny tight suits  
pitch black  
and their heads their heads  
triangular in shape  
not human  
 
The leader the one who took me  
speaks into my brain  
look around what do you see?  
a table my mind yells out  
A Table  
lay down on it face down  
no i won't  
i can't see their eyes  
i am thrown on the table  
 
My arms and legs are fastened  
my pyjama top ripped to shreds  
please please let me go  
no no  
leader leans in close to my ear  
i am almost dying of fear  
Listen Closely  
 
My friend has a long whip for you  
he will strike you three times  
the pain of the first exquisite  
unforgettable  
the second will cripple you for life  
but the third you little insect  
it will strike you dead  
 
Still pleading the first blow lands  
my back feels like it exploded  
i am just a little boy i cry  
why do you hurt me?  
why are you so evil?  
they both laugh  
because we like it  
 
i must escape i must wake up i must escape  
the second tears into me  
unimaginable searing pain  
a sweet taste in my mouth  
i twist my head to see the brute  
as he raises his mighty black arm  
i am doomed  
 
i wake up in my bed and try to scream  
but not a sound comes out  
my back is hurting it's burning  
and mom and dad are not in the room  
and i can't move my legs  
somehow irrevocably  
my universe has shifted  
 
A tear puddle forms on my pillow  
while all that i can think of  
those shiny black suits the whip  
those heads  
the cold wet table  
the callous wickedness  
and crippled for life  
crippled for life  
but i live

I'm bored to death bored outa my fuckn mind
That seeking death is my only grind
I just don't give a fuck I have nothing to live for
Fuck it send me to hell I don't need your pearly gates don't need you to open that door.
All I know is suffer suffering thru sin and since you know it all its been predestined since fucking life begin....
Starting with Adam and Eve you start the world over and over again well God what the fuck do you plan to achieve. I'm nothing more than ya bastard son whom you purposely misguided and completely disowned
I'm on Luchipher side bitch its time you be dethroned
Yet you expect me to keep praying and just have hope; but bitch you never answered one so with my liquor & drugs how the fuck you expect me to cope.
You told me obey man laws but not to trust non so its ironic than instead of "Virgin Mary why wasn't it an angel who gave birth to your only begotten son?
Why can't your bitch ass ever just speak clear without all your puns and riddles
Oh get I'm your catch phase of a bad jokes so it all ain't nothing but shits and giggles
Yet you there Stans before me as a fucking judge God or no God I'll slit ya tucking throat without a blink without a budge
death ain't the enemy its been you this whole fucking time
Yet since you not a man you can't own up to your own tucking crime
What my extinct ancestors did ain't got shit to do with me
Yeah nigga you all knowing and shit so why your dumbass can't see!!!???
I renounce my faith I renounce you ever existed
Made in image right so like you now its my ass to kiss

The weight of the human world has left me stricken with grief.
Underneath the quiet wisps of snow amongst the sombre valleys lies a hidden fallacy.
One of which breeds an ever growing extent towards the perceptions on the influence of man.  
Stricken with consciousness, I find that time adheres itself onto the many shadows cast upon still-beating hearts.
Time may reveal the cure to any of life's trepidations as it sees fit.
And here my conscious weeps at the midst of a serenade of self destruction.
Where the moon bleeds our brilliant veins of ash onto the depths of the night sky.
It is in this confused yet ecstatic state of mind where it is most free.
Clearing the thoughts of unbridled slavery that hath permeate the mind.  
The very essence of death could've never been cleansed from the house again.
For the perils and hauntings that echo amalgamations of evil have permeated deep within its structures.  
Every morning a warm breath of air submerges onto the dreary, vacant halls.  
Life whispering prayers of forgiveness onto the dead.
May the weeping deceased listen to your cries and respond back onto thyself
For the tales that shroud the dwelling in mystery rum rampant, and swell its morbid aura of decay into that of enchantment.  
One by one, angels fall as I reap the souls of the forgotten lambs led astray.
Seeking redemption clenched beneath the jaws of wolves.  
Seek not answers from the divine,  
for a mother's voice yearns silent when her children turn a deaf ear.
His body sentenced to rest upon a bed of brick and mortar.  
Decadent lines of crimson carnage decorate the walls and stain my hands.
Searing the flesh on crippled bones, my selfless act orchestrated under his command.  
His body awaking a putrid aura.
The extent of my perception leaves me to consider the surge of euphoria permeating my thoughts.

 

This poem is dedicated to all abused and neglected children everywhere.

Joshua doesn't cry anymore

He never knew his name
He was always 'little bastard'
'Bloody pest'
Used to cry for his mum
But she'd never come
Now stands mute in his cot
This unwanted tot
Clad in only a vest

Mum’s boyfriend comes
Nearly every night
Filled with hatred, spite
Joshua can’t understand why
He beats him, the cigarette burns,
Terrible plight

He screams, defenceless
Beaten almost senseless
Raising matchstick arms
In pathetic protest

Mother comes in the morning
Today is special, orange juice
Instead of water
And a biscuit with his bread
Social worker’s coming today
Be quiet, be good
Like a good boy should
His mother said

Belly swollen
From lack of nutrition
Protruding ribs
Proclaim dire condition
Sits silent on piss-soaked bed
Eyes dead
Chewing his bread


She calls, young, naive
Ready to believe
Josh is with my mum
Other side of town
Sorry to let you down
Didn't know what to do
I've got a job interview
The woman believes
As the mother deceives
Leaves

Midnight: He’s drunk, angry,
Inadequate junky bum
Beats Joshua’s mum
Then turns on him
Temper hot
Hurls the child
Across the cot
He’s strikes his head
Flops on bed
Blood oozing from his nose and ears
This child of two and a half tortured years

Joshua doesn't cry anymore