OH... Tainted Love!

Love dont exist and forever don't last

My heart is numb because of my past. Correcting the wrongs will be a long task.
A dead end streak setting me up for misfortune. Yea a relationship sounds good but is it really worth it?

Love is said to be something special but it seems to be only given to the undeserving. Why must I care?. Why must I be the only person hurting? "Nice guys finish last"
Isn't that the truth?  Its sad you'll love me better if I disrespected you. Oh that's not what it is? I just call it how I see it. Arguments and miscommunication, the two main ingredients.
She gets a thrill repeating it.

Obviously born in the wrong generation because love these days is more like lets meet up at this location. Have sex and play with our bodies. I mean that's cool but where's the connection? Where's the bond?  Why are these things now frowned upon.
Thought she wanted something different , they all say they want something different. Kind of hard to notice any difference messing with the same kind of ni**as.

Love don't exist and Forever don't last.
At least for me that is. Want to know why? It's funny you asked. Look around and tell me what you see. "If it's meant to be then it will be." Sounds like a lot of bullshit to me.

It feels so wrong.    
Then, it feels perfect.    
     
My mind is split.      
I can't tell the difference.      
     
My bed the snake pit--      
Her head is worth it.      
Those eyes are toxic.      
     
I can't shake the feeling.      
I can't take the pleading.      
The sex is the reason.      
     
I may never leave my room--    
Not so long as she stays.      
This may spell out doom.      
She is not the type to date.      
     
Lies lying all around us--    
Lust is all it is with us.      
Drugs are a must for us.      
     
I can't pretend.      
She is no best friend.    
I'm on my own in the end.      
     
Every time I touch her skin,      
I'm falling for the wind.      
     
This is another dead end--      
Just castles made of sand.

Here comes that feeling once again, the one I thought was real
With patterns of symbolic senses, I still can touch but cannot feel
Every aching phone call made, a pleasure point that starts to fade
The Queen of hearts, the King of spades, a virgin girl, never laid
A relationship that smells of hate
Exploring girls, I'd never date
What was once so unbelievably kind
A perfect angel she is not, but she's the closest thing you'll find...

Years slip away and I get older, but never wise beyond my years
I woke up and my eyes were swollen shut, from all those late night tears
Displaying symptoms that would make you cringe
Hold tight to that blankets worn out fringe
Yesterday's and yesteryears
An angry youthful, women's fears
Nightmares that became too real
Made me miss the way you feel
Blood red Summer's turn to cold
Understanding I'm too fucking old
So here's my encore, my finale, my last song
I've been pushed aside it seems for too damn fucking long
Like a spirit in the night, she came to me inside a dream
I walked on top of life's perpetual highest beam
But I've out smarted you my love, because your ignorance is bliss
I guess you wanted one last face to face, perhaps just one last kiss...

Starry, starry nights, you paint with brushes of guilt
The earth is standing still but now my head's a constant tilt
Hold the wheel while I'm driving, make sure to hold it steady
You see right through me angel, as if I'm dead already
You can't take back the things you've seen, nothing good at all
Yeah you taught me how to stand, when I tried so hard to crawl
You couldn't wait till I was gone, can't you wait till the bed is cold?
As I hold my head up high, and do just what I'm fucking told?
I detest this time of year, like a goddamn sickness
Hoping that this season, will just pass with the quickness
There's nothing left for me to do, to hold, to feel, to say
Waking with the thought of ending all of this today
I force a wakened smile, and pick myself up just to go outside
With a broken soul, and a wounded, soulless pride
The phone just will not ring, and if it does I'm just not here
I don't know how to make it anymore abundantly clear
Stranded in my head, I somehow make my way down the stairs
I'll face the world, once again, avoiding all the stares...

I'd have you in for tea, but you've seen just how I live
So I ask you, “Night, tell me, is that really all you've got to give?”
Spastic inclinations formed by drastic elations
You’ve got me talking in quotations as I lay in exudation
I can’t pinpoint just when it was that I lost power
But this once bittersweet has all but turned to sour
I swallowed up my dignity and glanced upon your shadow
Then I woke up in France inside a rundown chateau
As she twisted her head to the side with a quirk
"How have you been?" she said with a smirk
I can see right through your eyes as if they’re made of glass
That award winning grin, she angles with class
I've left it, as they say, inside the hands of fate
So the next time I choose teams I'll be sure you participate
This difficult climb, not for the faint of heart
Let me stop you right there before you even start
I've run away again, till I’m lost out of sight
Holding on for one more day, and maybe one more night…
So here is my confessional, I’m well aware it’s 1 A.M.
But my eyes just will not close and my thoughts refuse to mend…

I tried to untangle you from my soul,
but your roots are deep.
The constant nagging and aching in
my chest does not want to leave

Do you know what it feels like to drown?

It feels like a hug
the one that compresses your chest
it makes it difficult to breathe
the only feeling that an empty soul would feel like

I eventually got you out

BUT

You left big gaping holes .
You left me with scars
which only made it harder for me to love

You left bruises on my heart
bigger than the ones around my neck

Then He came
The peace
The gentle touch
with no expectations

Chaos met structure
in the most beautiful way