Me, Myself and I

I am...
laughter in the air
a child at the beach
a girl at the bar
a boy with a cigarette
a man with his dreams
a woman with her desires
I am...
existing in this world
a reflection in the mirror
a shadow on the wall
a midnight gasp of horror
a little girl's doll
a bereaved wife's sorrow
a husband's last regret
I am mere words
without which I am
nothing
but a huddled figure in a padded room
catching imagined swirling letters
circling my head.

A solitary island abandoned in a tempestuous, deep blue ocean
Amidst the ebbs and flows of undertows and currents severely set in motion
Risen from volcanic fires douced by the salty tears of great white whales
Only to be pounded down by the waves and fierce wind of nature's gales
Bathed beneath the force of echoing tsunamis ravaging these shores
Somewhere underneath the rock beats a heart that quivers as it roars
A dome of burning verse etched atop stone pillars of a volatile foundation
Chiseled in a molten sea's protruding mountain peak formation
The aching rock may never cry but still drips with the lament of silence
While tempting fate with a lightning rod will surely put an end to loneliness
Still after a sentence of eternal emptiness there remains a light within
Exposing a horizon lined with silver that allows raw healing to begin
As a seed sprouts roots growing into the sleeping muse's poet tree
Where a man became an island and the ocean named him poetry
 
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Written by Poetryman
 
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/296044-moving-forward/

Once upon the now In the future past and present
I'll give ya a sound Ta represent my intentions
I'll smooth out the vibe
subscribe to the tribe of the sublime rhyme coming outta my mind
ya see I gotta little plan for this here jam
a diaphragm exam cuz damn! I'm no sham
I'm just a man with a story in his soul
who's gotta take control of the stories flow
So here I go and I'm ready to flow
but I'm not Mike, Jim, Dave,John or Joe
they call me math to the you
And I'm coming through
with no hullabaloo
I know what to do
I gotta sure shot vision and it's tried and true so come out you party people here's a brand new rhyme
I'mma kick it with a flavor and it's right on time
because all the people in the world have got to know
that I'll be bringing back the funky fresh and positive flow.
but in order for you to understand the soul
I gotta take ya back to when I was no years old
before I was born from what I hear
my mother lived her whole fucking life in fear
outcast and ostrocised
a child's mental illness unrecognized
there's no disguise her family don't understand
they treat her like a stranger in a strange land
from the hand of the Bible's one god
To her family the problem of her mind a facade
distorting the words of the one holy book until something that could be fixed became something that broke
festering in the mind of the babe
a fictional world the only way she could be saved
hundreds of friends she did create
until this world of make believe was her only escape!
picking up a pen and a pad
She began to write and didn't feel so bad
the lyrics began to pour from her soul developing when she was five years old!
all her life she wrote poetry
until at the age of 25 she had me
and this is where my story begins
so stick around for the funky fresh flow my friends

somewhere, somehow
I've found that I'm bound
to lay down the funky sound for da crowd

so come along and listen to me
I gotta story bout a boy they call Matty
and it's plain to see that he's really unique
but kids at school don't have time to comprehend
some call him a freak and he feels sad and bad
he doesn't have a dad when he goes home
his mother struggles with strife and he feels so alone
thrown!
into a world that was so dark
a matriarch with a heart for flow art
in Hagerstown beside the city park
the matriarch played for Matty a little tune called subterranean homesick blues
she said it was true that she couldn't understand
all the words that Bob Dylan penned
but Matty found that he could comprehend
The flow of the soul and all the words within
it seemed that he could find within the Rhyme a sublime sign that transcended time to entwine and bind the words in his mind
a light!
began to shine in his heart
In da House on da hill beside the city park
little Matty knew that he had to start remembering many different kinds of rhymes so he could feel the soul and learn the words inside
but ya see,
little Matty just like his mom
had to deal with things that he shouldn't have known
it seems he had to grow much too fast
and leave his childhood in the past
he felt aghast and harassed trying to grasp
his single mothers mental illness
cuz her family laughed at the pain in her brain made her an outcast said she was to blame
she became her family's shame
when all they had to do was embrace her pain and love the child that they turned away
but they couldn't
and they didn't understand
blaming mental illness on the devil's hand
so this single mother didn't even have help
raising 2 children all by herself
away
little Matty didn't run
instead he tried to face his Mama's problems
100 mates as a child she did create
the house on the hill with the guard by the gate
many people reside inside of one brain
and the diagnosis that the doctors gave?
son, you mother dissociates
a fucked fate that is for sure
but it's never too late ta knock on destiny's door.
section 8, no lights a can of peas
but Matty still held on to his dreams
singing MC Hammer to the kids at school they thought it was cool but he felt like a fool.
maybe Matty could've made a lot of friends if he didn't live inside of his head
lemme bring it back in cuz I'm getting off track
I'll take ya back to Matty's fifth grade class
English class to be precise
the teacher in class she was really nice
Matty knew that he loved to read
video games, books, magazines and RPGs
but he never did try his hand at writing
until one day in class he had to pick up a pen
to use
for the teachers task write a story everyone and share it with the class
at first, little Matty was scared to death
fearing everyone would laugh at his attempt
but as he wrote he began to find
that the rhyme in his mind became alive
ya see everybody has something different inside
that make us unique but are the ties that bind
if we all strive to revive whats been deprived from our hearts and our souls we will find our souls purpose alive and in the light
on the path of the right not the wrong
lemme break it down for you in this song
little Matty found his soul in fifth grade
he knew with stories and rhymes he could be saved
because on that day in front of the class
Matty wasn't afraid and everybody clapped
that's the haps!
Matty felt the jive vibe
the poem he wrote was actually a Rhyme!
it seems the thing he got from his mom
was the heart of the poet with a Rhyme ingrown
but a zone inside that was all his own was a soul for the flow with a funky song
although Matty found his soul on that day
he didn't embrace it and it faded away
but that's ok, this isnt the end
as Matty turned to Matthew the tales he still penned
the soulflo didn't grow and he didn't ascend cuz he only shared them with his mother, brother and friend
he grew up this way playing video games every single day low aims I must say
floundering gains and jobs that were lame 24 years down the drain!
but stick around cuz chapter 3'll be fresh
I'll bring ya up to speed in the present tense
at 24 Matthews life changed forever
he met a tender soul of the opposite gender and the key to everything he could be now hinders
on his souls unknown missing figure
a beautiful girl by the name of Linda.

do a little digging and you will find gold
to feel the funky flow from da heart and da soul

its about time for the end of the tale
or maybe the beginning only time will tell
it's not time to fail but to reach for the Stars can ya feel the heart?
as I write this jam with a pen in my hand
after the rhyme ends my story begins
Cause as the words are penned I feel the song within
so listen!
very carefully this'll be complete at the end of chapter three
across the sea he couldn't have known the other half of his soul lived there alone
her name was Linda and she waited for him
in the city of Dublin, Ireland
two souls apart but both akin
completing each other but never knowing
and this is why the soulflo can't begin
cuz Matthew hasn't found his one true friend
again
let's go back to Maryland and I'll tell ya right now how Matthew met Lin.
24 years old and living with his brother Matthew couldn't tell one day from the other
a night time stocker is the job he kept
living his life paycheck to paycheck
in the tape deck a repeated refrain
"everyday is exactly the same"
It was a song that Trent reznor sang
back to the future in the 90's
Time slips away each and every day
after work Matthew sits playing his games
always feeling like something is missing dreaming of doing something artistic
but a problem persisted he created as a child he acted like a clown to fit in around anyone and everyone in any crowd
well here's to the Kinks another song resounds "let's all drink to the death of a clown"
at 24 Matthew got real depressed
he got stressed and became obsessed
with Chinese culture and a certain actress
every day and every night Matthew reads books about Chinese life
a decision was made life changed overnight
yes that's right,
he joined a website
the site itself seemed pretty phony
all the girls only cared about money
we can call it monitary matrimony
Matthew only joined the site on a whim
listenin ta something that called from within
the chances were slim that he'd find someone on the site lookin for true love
the girls all seemed like conspirin liars
so he would quit the site when his time expired and retire his profile
but on his subscriptions last day of cover something monumental happened that changed him forever
in Ireland Linda sits alone in rainy weather
looking at the screen on her computer
joining the site looking for a true lover
but all the men wanna do is get her under covers
she was gonna quit the site but then she discovered
a man named Matthew he was two months younger
by saying hello she uncovered a treasure never knowing this togethers a lifelong endeavor of endless Love that will never be severed
so both of them were gonna quit the site
both seconds away from hittin unsubscribe then Linda decides that she wants to say hi
will Matthew reply?
it's easy to see
yes he did the rest is history!
there was something about her that he felt was different
just like him he found that she was gifted
she watched horror films every day and night had a hard time finding her own kind and no one ever really understood her mind
wined and dined is enshrined in mankind
a stereotype designed to confine
all the blind minds follow underlined lies
but Linda declined she was undefined someone had to see what was behind her eyes!
A shout out to Santeria by Sublime
"all I really wanna say is there's just one"
ain't no sun, when she's gone
I didn't say shine so I think I'm all good
as Shao Khan laughs its understood
the quote he spoke "it has begun"
Matty and Matt become I and me
for over a year the two of us would speak
finally we decided we would have to meet
and so we agreed on a whim
that I would fly to Ireland
but I never really left the place where I had grown
and now I was steppin into the unknown
but I was shown a bright light deep in my heart
and I had to follow it no matter how far
i see now I became a good man
if I'm able to hold true love in my hands
a special gift many people can't find
especially if their lives give em fucked up minds
but damn!
Mom I'll give a shout out to you
with all the shit you faced we still became two
pretty good guys with respectable lives
who don't lie to their wives and try to be nice.
now let's go back across the sea
where I was terrified initially
I only ever had 1 girlfriend
but she was kind of a slut
3 kids, different dads
she was 24 and I was 17
baggage in the closet of the skeleton queen
its easy to see that it was all wrong
Billy Joel said in Anthony's song
"I'm moving out" and to add my own
I'd rather be alone cuz its better to belong to something lifelong!
10 years later and we're still together
truth be told, I love her now more than ever
I don't think true love can last
your blowin smoke out your ass
if your always happy every coin has two sides yin and yang
it was actually China that changed me totally
so stay in your seat I got one more story
times were tough in Ireland man
I couldn't work and I was living off of Lin
we didn't see eye to eye we fought a lot
I was thinking Lin would give up on the spot
but in her heart Linda felt something
I know it's true cuz I felt the same
it's easy to say that we had problems
but instead of breaking up we tried to solve em
Maybe one of the things that makes it true love is that when times are tough you still don't give up
every life has to deal with some strife
like the yin and the yang or the day and the night but only those that fight keep the fire alight
true love is a test that most people fail
ya gotta be strong if ya wanna prevail
so eight months later we set sail
to her hometown and the end of tale
and this is where I found the soulflo again teachin English at college I made a lot of friends
living in China made me understand
this world is not divided it's a single land
everyone alive is from the same place
not black or white or Yellow it's the human race
but if this terrible truth we don't face
global unity we might as well erase
then we build walls to separate every country and every state!
underground in ouya Linda found a round little disc with a profound sound
after years of holdin down a dried up pen 2-Pacs greatest hits had me writing again
sitting on the bus everyday Chinese people lookin at me real strange
a pen and a pad in my hand I can't see anything but the page in front of me
I know I gotta make my stories flow
cuz I got the soul of the poets of old
but many musical styles reside in my soul and hip hop is the fix for the prose with the flow
lemme take a moment before the jam ends to tell ya two of my influences
the first name I'll drop of course is Tupac he's a good of rap like the Beatles of rock
and then NWA steps into the ring
they revealed a side of life that changed everything
Dr Dre? what can I say?
he can make a phat beat out of anything
but truth be told most of my soul is from the funky fresh style of the school of old
Lo and behold!
it seems now I find I need to write em down in a different rhyme
outta sight! this is taking all night
I wasn't trying write another Rappers Delight I guess the might of the light of soulflo incites and ignites my mind to write prose
so, congratulations!
you've gotten this far lemme try to make my point and speak from the heart.
weather big or small we all have a fate
but destiny it ain't, it's what we create
Linda you really changed my life view
I found my heart and soul because of you
maybe before my view was askew
but now I gotta say I know whats true
ya see
I've thought it through and here's what I've gleaned I think we become what we believe! but dontcha know every lock needs a key but if ya can't see the key, ya still believe? if ya don't then your dreams won't be achieved!
don't have to be love thatcha find right now all you ever really have to find is yourself!
one final note before the jam ends
don't you dare ever question my skills again
or if ya do, here's a challenge for you
try to take the time to write a rhyme a tight as mine fool
don't have to make a point when it's plain to see that your gonna need a rhyming dictionary.
so come on man why can't we all just decease?
kill negativity & focus on peace?
Me?
I just wanna release my soulflo
I call a masterpiece
so maybe then all the world can see  it's time to modernise the funky fresh beat and bring it back into the mainstream

Has anybody ever asked you who you are?
It sounds so simple; you open your mouth to speak
You can’t find the answer; you’re not just a name
How do you answer?
It takes a lifetime for me
My me has changed throughout the years

I was born into hell
Just like everyone else
Cursed by the fruit of the tree
I didn’t lay stagnant like so many others
My parents were loving for me and my brothers
They taught us to follow the path

Over the hills and over the mountains
Out of the forest, we came to a river
They pulled us through it
A joyous occasion!
The curse was lifted
The journey began

Blessed to be nurtured and loved
I stayed on the path, tempted from time to time
I met many others as the learning began
I noticed some over there
What were they doing? The path is safe
Why were they on that road?

As time passed, I learned I was different
I was always in my head
My emotions were bottomless
I felt them in my soul
Men shouldn’t feel this way
Ashamed!  I suppressed and hid them away

As I got older I learned of that road; it led you straight to hell
I knew it was wrong; it seemed so exciting
I asked for the demon; I invited him in
I wanted to learn for myself
I was barely ten years old
To the devil, my soul I had sold

I could see the path in the distance as I raced down the road
The curse had consumed me
The demon controlled me
This road was going to hell
If only I had known
That road I loved so much

A few years later I found my nectar
It came in a bottle or can
It made me feel at home
It made me feel—so numb
It made me feel—nothing at all
I drowned my emotions away

I rolled up the plants
I ate the square paper
I drowned my feelings away
My soul was wilting
My heart was hard
My brain was smoked away

When the learning was finished
I needed a change
I signed the papers
Uncle Sam took me away
He broke me to nothing
He built me back up

For the first time in my life
I knew who I was; I knew my first me
I was a Devil Dog, a soldier of Sam’s
I was stronger than I had ever been
I had an identity, and I was proud
My life as a man was about to begin

Fresh out of training I crossed the ocean
Stationed in Germany, my slab was clean
I knew nobody; I was on my own
The sweetest freedom I had ever known
The nectar called me still
My demon could not resist

This is how my story began; my first me was born
I veered from the path; I raced down the road
I was a single soldier; I was a drunk
I was a whore
I played the game
I lost, and I won; I unquestionably had some fun

 
I wanna take the time to write a new rhyme
About the kinda things that I find
Near and dear to my own heart
For I love many different kinds of art
But where to begin? The list is so long
Maybe this'll be another Soulflo song
So a scoob-a-de-doo and a scee-ba-de-de
Just shuffle your feet and dance to the beat
Or if ya don't wanna get outta your seat
Then come along with me for another story
I said a 1-2 1-2 and 3 the console scene is very dear to me
I was a little boy don't remember how old
Upstairs in the middle of night I was awoke
By the sound of something downstairs
A skip-a-de-da I went to see what was there
Whoa-ho-ho! I almost fell as I crept down the stairs and looked around
The corner of the wall, what did I see?
A cloud of smoke my mother and three
People stairin at the TV screen
They were actually engaged in two tasks
The cloud of smoke was representative of that
My child's mind couldn't understand
What it was they were doing man
Inhale exhale bibbity blow
I know now what they were doing yo
A puff puff pass is a golden rule
It enhances life and it's medicinal too
Cool vibes floatin on a Doobie-de-do
But I don't wanna get into that right now
Cuz on the TV screen a man was running around
Clouds with eyes, mushroom men running around breakin blocks with his head
"We bought it for us" is what she said
But she kept dying on the first goomba man
That night that changed my life as I peeked around the corner
My eyes were fixated by the corded controller
A Flippity flap and a flick of the thumbs and the man on the screen jumps and runs
Super Mario brothers was the name of the game and a skip-a-de-do it blew my mind away
Hip hip hooray and a yippi-a-de-yay!
What can I say? my life changed that day
A hey hey hey you know it's true that I'd be lying to you if I said it was new
Atari games I played in my step dads room
I honestly didn't think it was the best
The games didn't end and where was the quest?
Guess I need a story to hold my interest
But this little grey box called the NES
Had quests galore! It was the bibbity best!

Now here I am a man sittin in his house
Writing this jivin jam about the past
A tippy tap of my feet I feel the groovy beat
As I dance to the rhyme in my mind in my seat
Whoosh and swoosh! Zim zam zoom!
Something appears in the back of the room
A ripple in time! It blows my mind
A lookie-loo to see to find that time rewinds
What in God's name?!
It's really really strange!
That's me in the 80's playing video games
And I find I gotta step inside
Can I bring the games back in time for this rhyme?
Throwin down the pen, steppin into the void
Sight disappears and pop I'm a boy!
Dontcha know it was just as seen
But I'm not at home not in the 80s
I was transported inside the TV
Being controlled by the boy Matty
I gotta help him beat this game alive
If I wanna get back to my own time
So here we go and let's begin
In 200X Dr Light created
A mega rockman from a little kid
He was a cyborg built to defend
The world!
And to foil Dr Wiley's plan
An iron hand grips the earth in fear
Out of the darkness eight robots appear
Each with a power made quite clear
This one's for your ear, their names are right here
Metal man, heat man, wood man, flash man
Bubble man, quick man, air man, crash man
Pausing the game in a rage a broken toy
This may have been hard when I was boy
But maybe that's the reason I entered the void
To the annoyed little Matty this game was new
But ya see, to me, it was yesterdays news
Mattys got the blues cuz he threw his pad
Across the room now he's feeling real bad
Now here I am I can't move the games paused
A floating dragon in the dark at Wiley's castle
Is gonna appear when he hits unpause
But what happens to me if he turns the game off?
Looking at the past from inside the TV
I see the young me coming up to the screen
Curiosity is the look in his eyes
I think he realized I'm trapped alive inside!
Skip to ma loo! I'm a goddamn fool
He didn't realize a thing, he's gonna turn it off
Maybe my journey through times at an end?
Over before it starts it didn't even begin.
Time slows to a halt as the button is pressed
And just as I guessed here's the darkness

What is the meaning? What can I achieve?
Holdin on to the childhood make believe?
It's good to be a child but I gotta understand
That I gotta have a plan if I wanna be a man
 
I awake at 3 am with a pain in my head
Gotta be at work in a few hours, damn
Then, what did it mean this dream that I had seen?
Am I living my life in a world of make believe?
An epiphany the dream had shown me
I now see the fine line between
Living my life and being stuck in the past
If I'm looking behind then the future can't last
and it blasts past me but I don't even see
that my futures destiny is history.
But it's never too late to take a stand
Live life in the now and be my own damn man
Or to put it plain right here in this rhyme
To live your best life you gotta look inside
But don't focus on one or look too hard cos the heart can grow and the soul can go far.
If we spend all our time doing only one thing
How can we ever achieve our dreams
Cos we're all connected spiritually
And we create our destiny
We gotta share it if we want the world to see
For me,
The console games changed my life
But I spent too much goddamn time inside
Never realized that I never even tried
To share my heart and soul with the earth
A feeling I have nursed since the time of birth
So let us traverse to why I started this song
I was writing about games all along
Here's a real quick rhyme before the end
About a little thing I call a lifelong friend

Pirahna flower dead down the green pipe
Clutched in my hand the ocarina of Time
Coming outta the pipe I think I see a sign
Welcome to Silent hill man it blows my mind
Belmont's whip is laying on the ground
I turn to pick it up and hear a funny sound
A little strange pink ball just a running around
Being chased by a big fat bird?
A race to eat cakes man this scenes absurd!
They rush past me and the music stops
I turn around and the fog opens up
One four oh point eight five
I gotta get outta this fog alive
Call the number on my codec
Whaddya think that the Colonel replied?
"Snake, like Shakespeare said:
"Nought's had, and all is spent,
Where our desire is got without content." Basically, it means
That your desire can get you into
trouble if you're not careful"
That didn't help and what the hell?
Sounded like a crazy man in a padded cell
The fog closes in all around
But I'm not scared and I don't make a sound
Cos if I die I'll use my Phoenix down
The fog disappears as I enter kings field
I guess the dark souls here really spread the fear
I stumble upon a giant mechinised gear
Looking like a robot really strong
The pilot of the gear named Fei Fong Wong
Tryin to fight a god from outer space?
Man, i gotta get the hell outta this place
Trapped in here with all of the games
That I loved growing up this is really strange
But I gotta understand that it's just my mind
Or else I will end up stuck inside
Then life passed me by and I realized
I can't play the ocarina in real life!

Walking lamely under a red sun,
Carved eyes and a faded skin, trying to run.
Twisted his fingers, removed his nails,
Hoping to be safe behind veils.

His skin had clung on his bones,
A non-aesthetic convulsion knitted by groans.
Escaping from shadows keeping a dusty pledge,
A deadly hunt dragging him into delirium's edge

Started to fill him up, anger and grudge,
He lost the faculty to judge.
With pain, opened his stitched mouth,
But he knew that he was not allowed.

Tasted a dense sulfur while breathing,
And his vermillion blood began bleeding.
His sickly skin felt the soothing warmth,
A mild breeze came from north.

Became evident, shadows' faces,
He could see their stitching traces.
With a smile, wailful but silent and relieved,
He embraced his end that already conceived.

 



this

being largely big and empty
and especially with their slow screeches
in dragging stretch of insertive echoes
quite unassuming
and how unalarming
in similar pace
with deadening beats
dissolving in darkness


that

slant light hollow
through lone corner window
didn't do much
in driving off
the looming thickets
of mysteriousness
clouding past those naked sunshine


much

darker tan
floats on her (c)oldening tea
in pleads of a slow-staggering sip
with undiscerning eyes fixed distant at nowhere


more

marrying flavours steam out
revolts unto the (com)pacting insipidity
walls of stigmatic air crack and crumble
from her peppery-speckle sprays, her exhale


and,

waits amidst the blackening rain mists
weighing trivial to her digging vacuum
in immensive depths, self-imbibes some more

Stirring sugar into it,
Is the vision I have of you,
As we sat sipping in the morning,
And the taste of your lips,
That still lingers,
Decades later.

Cream mixed in becomes,
The liquid chocolate of your skin,
Still brings tingling to mine,
And is a memory,
That delights my eyes,
Decades later.

Decades later,
Still,
Heartache,
Heartbreak,
Hurt,
Regret.

In lament,
I drink my coffee black.