Fictional Prose Seeking Honest Critique
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Short stories and chapters from books and novels
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gothicsurrealism
Daniel Long
Daniel Long
Poem Published
Yesterday 8:31pm
Yesterday 8:31pm
Turn The Page: Chapter Six: Bloody Knuckles
Terry was confounded more than she had ever been. A sister, a nun, a pious lady, wanted her to find God in such a way, it felt like an initiation into something that was not yet known to her.
Terry heavy footed down the stone steps onto the crevices of the sidewalk lining Union St. Back down Union to the corner where it intersects with West Columbus Ave. "My island," Terry mumbled as she laid eyes on another girl standing at the end against the light post. And Terry recognized her immediately. "Thieving bitch," Terry rose her voice.
Erica. Severely...
Terry heavy footed down the stone steps onto the crevices of the sidewalk lining Union St. Back down Union to the corner where it intersects with West Columbus Ave. "My island," Terry mumbled as she laid eyes on another girl standing at the end against the light post. And Terry recognized her immediately. "Thieving bitch," Terry rose her voice.
Erica. Severely...
#hope
#LifeChangingMoment
24 reads
0 Comments
gothicsurrealism
Daniel Long
Daniel Long
Poem Published
Yesterday 3:35pm
Yesterday 3:35pm
Turn The Page: Chapter Five: Sister Eve
Terry was culture-shocked by the generosity shown to her by the church.
"I am sister Eve, Terry. Do you mind if I started calling you Terry?" The sister spoke with such calm it soothed Terry's anxiety.
"Yes, you can sister Eve."
"Shush!" The sister smiled and continued, "just Eve."
There sitting on Terry's bed, these two women from two different worlds are both God-fearing.
" You fear God, it means you love him and yourself, Terry." Terry's eyes bored into Eve's. "Follow His laws and always...
"I am sister Eve, Terry. Do you mind if I started calling you Terry?" The sister spoke with such calm it soothed Terry's anxiety.
"Yes, you can sister Eve."
"Shush!" The sister smiled and continued, "just Eve."
There sitting on Terry's bed, these two women from two different worlds are both God-fearing.
" You fear God, it means you love him and yourself, Terry." Terry's eyes bored into Eve's. "Follow His laws and always...
#hope
#LifeChangingMoment
20 reads
0 Comments
Cipher_O
Poem Published
7th May 2025 7:22am
7th May 2025 7:22am
A Suicide of Crows (CH20)
Chapter Twenty
Chicago East Side, NBP Gym
I
The Natural Born Poet Gym,
located on Chicago’s East Side,
a hotbed of crime and gang activity,
according to the media and law
enforcement, however, I would point
to the time when billionaire funded
violent extremists ignited violence
across the country.
They tried to invade Chicago and
the “gangs” weren’t having it.
They made people proud to be
American.
Something to consider. ...
Chicago East Side, NBP Gym
I
The Natural Born Poet Gym,
located on Chicago’s East Side,
a hotbed of crime and gang activity,
according to the media and law
enforcement, however, I would point
to the time when billionaire funded
violent extremists ignited violence
across the country.
They tried to invade Chicago and
the “gangs” weren’t having it.
They made people proud to be
American.
Something to consider. ...
#shadows
28 reads
0 Comments
gothicsurrealism
Daniel Long
Daniel Long
Poem Published
5th May 2025 5:51pm
5th May 2025 5:51pm
Turn The Page: Chapter Four: Withdrawals and Flashbacks
Terry wasn't sleeping. Beads of sweat coated her bare body beneath the dampened sheets. And tremors throughout her body twitching her arms and legs at their joints.
Terry was mostly awake when an eyelid creaked open and a blurred crucifix on the wall came into focus. Then the extraordinary happened, an hallucination, the cross was on fire. The flames licking and blackening the yellow wallpaper around it.
Terry squeezed her eyes shut as she remembered past hallucinations when she was withdrawing. Never like the euphoric psychedelic mushrooms she had taken in the past where...
Terry was mostly awake when an eyelid creaked open and a blurred crucifix on the wall came into focus. Then the extraordinary happened, an hallucination, the cross was on fire. The flames licking and blackening the yellow wallpaper around it.
Terry squeezed her eyes shut as she remembered past hallucinations when she was withdrawing. Never like the euphoric psychedelic mushrooms she had taken in the past where...
#Christian
#God
#hope
#LifeChangingMoment
#religion
50 reads
1 Comment
Cipher_O
Poem Published
5th May 2025 4:18pm
5th May 2025 4:18pm
A Suicide of Crows (CH19)
Chapter Nineteen
Germany, School of the Skull, Open Mic Poetry Night
I
A ruckus crowd, rivaling that of any
fight crowd, hyped from LadyMayDay’s
performance, cheered on her very brave
offspring.
BabyPoet.
A spunky dervish of a youth, Baby
learned to write very early and it
was off and running from there.
Lady kept all of Baby’s writings
safely in a safe.
II
She always got nervous at these
things, even after baptism by
fire and becoming a regular ...
Germany, School of the Skull, Open Mic Poetry Night
I
A ruckus crowd, rivaling that of any
fight crowd, hyped from LadyMayDay’s
performance, cheered on her very brave
offspring.
BabyPoet.
A spunky dervish of a youth, Baby
learned to write very early and it
was off and running from there.
Lady kept all of Baby’s writings
safely in a safe.
II
She always got nervous at these
things, even after baptism by
fire and becoming a regular ...
#shadows
22 reads
0 Comments
gothicsurrealism
Daniel Long
Daniel Long
Poem Published
5th May 2025 1:16pm
5th May 2025 1:16pm
Turn The Page: Chapter Three: Living On A Prayer
Terry found herself standing outside a local church. She was both tempted and hesistant to approach its cathedral-like, bronze doors.
What was inviting was the message written in marker on a bulletin board on the front yard: "YOU CAN SAVE YOURSELF."
Terry sighed and approached the front stone steps with the intention of resting herself. In her blue jean mini skirt and high boots, she crossed her bruised legs and lit a cigarette clip. "Heaven can wait for a sinner," Terry broke into tears.
"Young miss?" A soft voice spoke from behind...
What was inviting was the message written in marker on a bulletin board on the front yard: "YOU CAN SAVE YOURSELF."
Terry sighed and approached the front stone steps with the intention of resting herself. In her blue jean mini skirt and high boots, she crossed her bruised legs and lit a cigarette clip. "Heaven can wait for a sinner," Terry broke into tears.
"Young miss?" A soft voice spoke from behind...
#Christian
#God
#hope
#LifeChangingMoment
#religion
54 reads
1 Comment
gothicsurrealism
Daniel Long
Daniel Long
Poem Published
4th May 2025 4:04pm
4th May 2025 4:04pm
Turn The Page: Chapter Two: Heaven Can Wait
The page has turned as it was in flames while Terry allowed such a chapter in her life to be consumed by her cleansing flames of self determination.
After abandoning the traffic median, her "island," she never once glanced back towards the hell of her former life. "Heaven Can Wait," Terry said aloud as she spotted a used syringe littered on the sidewalk along Union st.
"The poor girl," Terry whispered as she remembered Myra, another girl that begged on the same island but was less street's smarts - Myra would hop into any car with a man for a...
After abandoning the traffic median, her "island," she never once glanced back towards the hell of her former life. "Heaven Can Wait," Terry said aloud as she spotted a used syringe littered on the sidewalk along Union st.
"The poor girl," Terry whispered as she remembered Myra, another girl that begged on the same island but was less street's smarts - Myra would hop into any car with a man for a...
#hope
#LifeChangingMoment
55 reads
2 Comments
Cipher_O
Poem Published
4th May 2025 8:51am
4th May 2025 8:51am
A Suicide of Crows (CH18)
Chapter eighteen
Germany, The Training Camp of
William Scull for the Canelo
Alvarez Boxing Fight
I
They called the gym: The School
of the skull.
A euphemism for one of their best
fighters, a former member of the
Cuban boxing team, known throughout
the world for producing some of the
best Olympic boxers.
The gym was a haven for all sorts of
societal outcasts, from organized
crime figures to artists and counter
cultural thinkers.
To writers
II
...
Germany, The Training Camp of
William Scull for the Canelo
Alvarez Boxing Fight
I
They called the gym: The School
of the skull.
A euphemism for one of their best
fighters, a former member of the
Cuban boxing team, known throughout
the world for producing some of the
best Olympic boxers.
The gym was a haven for all sorts of
societal outcasts, from organized
crime figures to artists and counter
cultural thinkers.
To writers
II
...
#shadows
37 reads
0 Comments
gothicsurrealism
Daniel Long
Daniel Long
Poem Published
3rd May 2025 4:19pm
3rd May 2025 4:19pm
Turn The Page: Chapter One: Girl On An Island
#hope
#LifeChangingMoment
27 reads
2 Comments
Cipher_O
Poem Published
1st May 2025 11:46am
1st May 2025 11:46am
A Suicide of Crows (CH17)
Chapter Seventeen
A dumpster
I
There’s nothing wrong with
living in a trash can.
I have seen folks, curled up
on the heated sidewalks of
my city, in huddled entryway
of a building, looking like
I looked in a jail holding tank,
ironically, another shelter
from this cruel cruel world.
I have lived with transients,
in different environments.
I…
Feel drawn to their magic
and wisdom.
II
But yes, I think I would, personally,
dig a...
A dumpster
I
There’s nothing wrong with
living in a trash can.
I have seen folks, curled up
on the heated sidewalks of
my city, in huddled entryway
of a building, looking like
I looked in a jail holding tank,
ironically, another shelter
from this cruel cruel world.
I have lived with transients,
in different environments.
I…
Feel drawn to their magic
and wisdom.
II
But yes, I think I would, personally,
dig a...
#shadows
40 reads
0 Comments
Cipher_O
Poem Published
29th Apr 2025 1:13pm
29th Apr 2025 1:13pm
A Suicide of Crows (CH16)
Chapter Sixteen
The Amazon
I
The world’s largest mycelial
network.
Rivers of nervous systems,
all underground, communicating,
manifesting above the surface
in such wondrous ways.
A special fungus turning an ant
into a zombie drone.
To climb into hallucinatory
heights, to die, a sacrifice
on an altar of air.
II
Here, the hunters of the
jaguar, under the influence
of psychedelics, roam
free, moving like ninjas
of the jungle.
These...
The Amazon
I
The world’s largest mycelial
network.
Rivers of nervous systems,
all underground, communicating,
manifesting above the surface
in such wondrous ways.
A special fungus turning an ant
into a zombie drone.
To climb into hallucinatory
heights, to die, a sacrifice
on an altar of air.
II
Here, the hunters of the
jaguar, under the influence
of psychedelics, roam
free, moving like ninjas
of the jungle.
These...
#shadows
35 reads
0 Comments
Cipher_O
Poem Published
29th Apr 2025 10:32am
29th Apr 2025 10:32am
A Suicide of Crows (CH15)
Chapter Fifteen
A graveyard, somewhere
I
Now this was a baroque style
cemetery.
A strange, permeating symmetry
of sacred geometry sort of
feel.
A museum of tombstones.
Just my kind of place.
One could get lost in a place
like this…
I do like walking through the
standing stones of the dead.
II
This night was a cool, crisp,
creepy night.
The three C’s.
Cloud shrouds drifting by
pearl moon.
A...
A graveyard, somewhere
I
Now this was a baroque style
cemetery.
A strange, permeating symmetry
of sacred geometry sort of
feel.
A museum of tombstones.
Just my kind of place.
One could get lost in a place
like this…
I do like walking through the
standing stones of the dead.
II
This night was a cool, crisp,
creepy night.
The three C’s.
Cloud shrouds drifting by
pearl moon.
A...
#shadows
32 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Fictional Prose Seeking Critique: Short Stories and Chapters from Books and Novels
