Fictional Prose Seeking Honest Critique
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Short stories and chapters from books and novels
Honest critique has been requested for these poems. Want to learn the art of critique? Join our Honestly Crafted Critique group.
case28
Poem Published
7th Oct 2024 3:55pm
7th Oct 2024 3:55pm
Nobody Knows - The Creator of Our Own Demise
I. The Cleaner
The guy meticulously mops the cultured marble floor in a Vegas hotel lobby at 5 AM. Nobody knows he’s studying medicine at Harvard. The general manager watches every second the cleaner stands motionless, staring at his phone. The man with two minds types a reply with his thumbs to his long-distance girlfriend, reminding her that he's busy preparing for clinical exams, unable to engage in her emotional fallacies with phallicism.
II. Data Entry [escapist]
On the other side of the world, the hotel cleaner’s...
The guy meticulously mops the cultured marble floor in a Vegas hotel lobby at 5 AM. Nobody knows he’s studying medicine at Harvard. The general manager watches every second the cleaner stands motionless, staring at his phone. The man with two minds types a reply with his thumbs to his long-distance girlfriend, reminding her that he's busy preparing for clinical exams, unable to engage in her emotional fallacies with phallicism.
II. Data Entry [escapist]
On the other side of the world, the hotel cleaner’s...
#love
#scifi
#sex #technology
#sex #technology
261 reads
2 Comments
Whackytraveler
Poem Published
6th Oct 2024 5:25am
6th Oct 2024 5:25am
The Wolfman
The beast he hides within
Would make me cringe
In fear and worry
Even when his tastes are a bit gory
I still find myself longing
And wanting
For his heart to belong to me
Enslaved by the moon
He drops down to his knees
The fullness turns him
To a creature that only sees red
I always dreaded
That look in his eyes
It was like a beast took a hold
Of his soul
With no goal
Except, to fight
what he believes is right
Leaving a trail of misfortune in his wake
When the sun comes up
He realized...
Would make me cringe
In fear and worry
Even when his tastes are a bit gory
I still find myself longing
And wanting
For his heart to belong to me
Enslaved by the moon
He drops down to his knees
The fullness turns him
To a creature that only sees red
I always dreaded
That look in his eyes
It was like a beast took a hold
Of his soul
With no goal
Except, to fight
what he believes is right
Leaving a trail of misfortune in his wake
When the sun comes up
He realized...
#werewolves
70 reads
0 Comments
fianaturie8
Fia Naturie
Fia Naturie
Poem Published
6th Oct 2024 3:08am
6th Oct 2024 3:08am
The Spider and her lover the Fly
Spider
I have been sitting here for hours, spinning my silken threads, waiting for him to fly by.
He has promised me countless numbers of times that tonight will be the night that he will visit me. I made sure that the threads were glistening in their finest diamonds and my legs. Oh my legs are as sexy as can be. There are eight long and lean made for flexibility. To entice and invite him into my web, you see.
Fly
How do I get wrapped up with these crazy dames? I mean I flew past one time and she caught me. The romp with the twists and the turns....
I have been sitting here for hours, spinning my silken threads, waiting for him to fly by.
He has promised me countless numbers of times that tonight will be the night that he will visit me. I made sure that the threads were glistening in their finest diamonds and my legs. Oh my legs are as sexy as can be. There are eight long and lean made for flexibility. To entice and invite him into my web, you see.
Fly
How do I get wrapped up with these crazy dames? I mean I flew past one time and she caught me. The romp with the twists and the turns....
#FirstLove
#obsession
#sacrifice
203 reads
14 Comments
Liziantus-Marantus
Poem Published
5th Oct 2024 11:03am
5th Oct 2024 11:03am
Autumn
On a cold,autumn day.
Leaves fall and dance the day away.
Like ballerinas up in the sky.
They fly and crunch under your feet.
And their grace is what you meet.
You go onto the bench,on your seat.
With leaves crunching under your feet.
While the other leaves fly.
And they dance in the sky like ballerinas.
Only to fall onto the ground.
They sway like dancers on the cold,autumn ground.
Maybe just one cold,autumn day.
You'll join them and dance the day away.
Leading to a starry night.
With no leaves left...
Leaves fall and dance the day away.
Like ballerinas up in the sky.
They fly and crunch under your feet.
And their grace is what you meet.
You go onto the bench,on your seat.
With leaves crunching under your feet.
While the other leaves fly.
And they dance in the sky like ballerinas.
Only to fall onto the ground.
They sway like dancers on the cold,autumn ground.
Maybe just one cold,autumn day.
You'll join them and dance the day away.
Leading to a starry night.
With no leaves left...
#happiness
#hope
#inspirational
#nature
#trees
111 reads
1 Comment
fianaturie8
Fia Naturie
Fia Naturie
Poem Published
2nd Oct 2024 6:48pm
2nd Oct 2024 6:48pm
Consume to be Exhumed
Good morning Mr. Baskin. It has been a while since I have seen you here? What seems….” The doctor’s voice trails off when he realizes that his patient does not look well at all.
He seems to be in some physical distress.
“Doc I think that bitch has finally done me in.”
“Who?” the doctor asked since it had not been noted in his chart that he was married.
“Joanna, My…. Never mind what she is to me but I think she broke something”
The doctor motioned for him to get on the table and started the exam. Pupils dilated, skin pasty and moist from...
He seems to be in some physical distress.
“Doc I think that bitch has finally done me in.”
“Who?” the doctor asked since it had not been noted in his chart that he was married.
“Joanna, My…. Never mind what she is to me but I think she broke something”
The doctor motioned for him to get on the table and started the exam. Pupils dilated, skin pasty and moist from...
#witches
#zombies
158 reads
15 Comments
Casted_Runes
Mr Karswell
Mr Karswell
Poem Published
30th Sep 2024 4:52pm
30th Sep 2024 4:52pm
Scapino
The new flats built on Eagle Street were semi-luxurious and advertised as being for "young professionals". Previously it had been a council property and used to house needy families as well as other "problem cases" that the local authorities felt obliged to deal with, including addicts and recently released prisoners. There was a scandal two years before the council sold the premises when the tenants of one flat murdered a young man whom they'd brought home from a nightclub. One of the killers was a collector of clown memorabilia and seemed especially fond of a persona...
#evil
#ghosts
#horror #scary
#horror #scary
125 reads
3 Comments
fianaturie8
Fia Naturie
Fia Naturie
Poem Published
30th Sep 2024 1:15pm
30th Sep 2024 1:15pm
Life Lesson 6 (Uk) Defiance runs in the blood
Before the term road rage became common use, I'm pretty sure that my cousin, who was driving us back to the house, was exhibiting all the classic signs.
Not only was she speeding and diving in and out of traffic in her white Ford Granada car, but she was also letting out some colorful curse words, and I even had to turn my head and stare at her, wondering what was going through her mind.
We managed to return to the house in one piece to be greeted by the rest of the family. You would think that being born and raised in the United States, I would not...
Not only was she speeding and diving in and out of traffic in her white Ford Granada car, but she was also letting out some colorful curse words, and I even had to turn my head and stare at her, wondering what was going through her mind.
We managed to return to the house in one piece to be greeted by the rest of the family. You would think that being born and raised in the United States, I would not...
#family
#memories
109 reads
6 Comments
Liziantus-Marantus
Poem Published
30th Sep 2024 10:59am
30th Sep 2024 10:59am
Mrs. Potato Head (Attempt Two)
Oh,Mrs. Potato Head,tell me now.
Is the money worth it,why and how?
They say,if you weren't born with it,you can give some cash.
They'll clean you up,patch you up.
And then throw your body in the trash.
When we are kids,we long for change.
But as adults,we accept minimum wage.
Will her beauty stay through,if her face is falling apart?
Will her body stay the same,after she does surgery on her body and heart?
The children go on their mother's ways.
And find different,new ways to change your face.
They pay a lot...
Is the money worth it,why and how?
They say,if you weren't born with it,you can give some cash.
They'll clean you up,patch you up.
And then throw your body in the trash.
When we are kids,we long for change.
But as adults,we accept minimum wage.
Will her beauty stay through,if her face is falling apart?
Will her body stay the same,after she does surgery on her body and heart?
The children go on their mother's ways.
And find different,new ways to change your face.
They pay a lot...
#dark
#frustration
#hope
#redemption
#strength
95 reads
0 Comments
fianaturie8
Fia Naturie
Fia Naturie
Poem Published
29th Sep 2024 11:00pm
29th Sep 2024 11:00pm
Life Lessons 5 Another summer in the UK
The year was 1989
This was summer when I was sixteen, and my mother wanted a break from caring for me and my sister.
The word "taking care" is held very loosely. She wanted to get some distance between me and my twenty-year-old boyfriend.
She liked him until she read a page in my diary stating the sed boyfriend was my first. I do not know how you all would feel about your privacy being invaded, but that particular issue was blown to a proportion that you would think that I killed someone.
She bought three tickets to London, and off we...
This was summer when I was sixteen, and my mother wanted a break from caring for me and my sister.
The word "taking care" is held very loosely. She wanted to get some distance between me and my twenty-year-old boyfriend.
She liked him until she read a page in my diary stating the sed boyfriend was my first. I do not know how you all would feel about your privacy being invaded, but that particular issue was blown to a proportion that you would think that I killed someone.
She bought three tickets to London, and off we...
#family
#memories
151 reads
17 Comments
LightningBug
Poem Published
28th Sep 2024 2:45pm
28th Sep 2024 2:45pm
Her Magic Dragon
It had a special golden glow by the way the shadows made no effect on this egg. The elf queen had never seen such a large nest before. Dragons were rare and rarely had nests out in the grassy open plains like this.
Tia had no idea what creature was inside this giant scaly egg. It was sparkly and had a slight pale blue mist around it. She could feel the magnetic field pulsing and drawing her to it as she touched the surface.
She waited, since upon seeing it noticed that it had a large crack as if about to split open anytime.
What seemed an eternity suddenly...
Tia had no idea what creature was inside this giant scaly egg. It was sparkly and had a slight pale blue mist around it. She could feel the magnetic field pulsing and drawing her to it as she touched the surface.
She waited, since upon seeing it noticed that it had a large crack as if about to split open anytime.
What seemed an eternity suddenly...
#dragons
#earth
#fairies
#friendship
#responsibility
115 reads
3 Comments
Pete_25
Poem Published
27th Sep 2024 9:54am
27th Sep 2024 9:54am
Flash
Compressed narration
Words at haste
In a race
The next word chased
Is it such an immoral sin
My story is so wafer thin
What should I write?
A thriller, horror, something gory
A hero, good guy, steeped in glory
Something sinister, dark and black
Where the victim gets attacked
Something grand, pen in hand
A sentence short, not widely spanned
So there you have my short flash fiction
It's constricted, restricted, word eviction
A paragraph struggle, feuding friction
My...
Words at haste
In a race
The next word chased
Is it such an immoral sin
My story is so wafer thin
What should I write?
A thriller, horror, something gory
A hero, good guy, steeped in glory
Something sinister, dark and black
Where the victim gets attacked
Something grand, pen in hand
A sentence short, not widely spanned
So there you have my short flash fiction
It's constricted, restricted, word eviction
A paragraph struggle, feuding friction
My...
#FreeVerse
143 reads
13 Comments
slipalong
Poem Published
18th Sep 2024 3:35pm
18th Sep 2024 3:35pm
My first job as the undertakers assistant
The firm was called Graves Brothers and stood just off the High St in Bury St Edmunds,
three immaculatly polished Mecedes Benz estates with extended wheel bases stood in a nearby yard. A horse drawn hearse was housed in a small barn, a black cob was hired from a local stables to pull it when required. As a junior partner, I was transport manager but for some unfathamable reason I was knicknamed CD, generaly considered back room staff, "Dont you go skipping off CD we need two cars by 10am, Mr Graves Snr quiped. Not allowed to meet the grieving relatives, just told to nod and look...
three immaculatly polished Mecedes Benz estates with extended wheel bases stood in a nearby yard. A horse drawn hearse was housed in a small barn, a black cob was hired from a local stables to pull it when required. As a junior partner, I was transport manager but for some unfathamable reason I was knicknamed CD, generaly considered back room staff, "Dont you go skipping off CD we need two cars by 10am, Mr Graves Snr quiped. Not allowed to meet the grieving relatives, just told to nod and look...
#death
97 reads
3 Comments
DU Poetry : Fictional Prose Seeking Critique: Short Stories and Chapters from Books and Novels (Page 5)
