Epiphany in The Ghetto

I"m sitting at a bus stop at Colfax and Peoria. I'm the only white person I see save for the cop turning off Peoria onto Colfax. Its always the same scene here, crackheads, hustlers, bums and winos, loud and noisy.

Its here that I realize, Its not the fear that I wont get over her that makes the pain so intense, but the certainty that I will, and that none of it really meant anything afterall.

I'll get over her and one day a smile or casual conversation will lead to more and we'll fall in "love" and talk of forever, until that inevitable moment when on of us will tear the others still beating heart from there chest and leave it on the pavement at their feet before walking on.

The bus arrives just as I light a cigarette, I stub it out as I wait for the bus to empty. Finally the people ahead of me begin to file onto the bus, when its my turn I count out my $2.25 and take a seat.

A pretty hispanic girl smiles at me from across the aisle as the bus takes off, I return her smile hoping i look less apathetic than I feel.

She looks a second longer, as if she hopes maybe i'll start a conversation or something, when I dont she shifts her eyes with a hint of dissapointment on her face.

I have come to see love not as something we should run towards and seek with open arms, but rather something to be avoided and feared.

I exit the bus at sixteenth street and relight my cigarette and quickly walk away.